Me and My 424

Posterous

2011-02-05T23:06:00.006-06:00

Hi all,

This will be my last actual post on Blogspot. I have decided to enter 2011 by importing and moving my entire site to Posterous, including previous posts and comments. (On the other hand, Posterous can auto-update this blog as well, but I've decided to make a clean break.)

Erg. Digesting a 3.5 course meal at Noble Pig. B is out smoking/drinking with manfriends. Quite Saturday night is good for that sort of thing.

Helplessness Blues

2011-02-01T17:28:00.003-06:00

image from even*cleveland (originally from BARC)

I was raised up believing I was somehow unique

Like a snowflake distinct among snowflakes

Unique in each way you can see

And now after some thinking I'd say I'd rather be

A functioning cog in some great machinery

Serving something beyond me

But I don't, I don't know what that will be

I'll get back to you someday soon you will see

The brand new single from Fleet Foxes is oh so good. It makes me so eager to hear the album, which, from the looks of it, may be even better than their 2008 release! Hear "Helplessness Blues" here.

BankSimple

2011-01-29T01:03:00.005-06:00

I can't wait for BankSimple, the cure to crappy banking. It was started by ex-Twitter engineer, Alex Payne. Check out this great e-mail exchange I had with the VP of Product Marketing. I honestly didn't think I would get a human response to my e-mail with my criticisms about Chase. I'm having great customer service experience already!

> Hello there,

> I'm Adam, from BankSimple. A little bit ago, you requested an

> invite for our service. Thank you for that! While we haven't

> sent out any invitations yet, we are working hard to begin

> opening up BankSimple for you to try soon.

> In the meantime, I would love to hear about what you want from

> your bank: what would your ideal experience look like? What do

> you like about your current bank, and what would you change?

> We can't wait to show you what we've been building – and to get

> your insight into how we can make it better.

> You can also keep up with us by following us on Twitter at

> http://www.twitter.com/banksimple or on our blog at

> http://www.banksimple.com/blog/.

> I hope to hear from you soon.

> Adam

> Adam Erlebacher

> VP Product Marketing

> adam@banksimple.com

Dear BankSimple,

I am so excited about you! For the past half year, I have grown pretty tired of my current bank (Chase). The only thing I like about it is that it has so many locations and ATMs in Walgreens. Other than that, I loathe the max transfers per month between accounts (6, after that you get hit with a fee), balance minimums, overdraft fees, limited weekend hours, and the chore of having to go through a telephone menu when trying to reach a human on the phone. Oh, and I try to avoid going into the store lest I be approached by an manager in a suit who will sit me down for 10 extra minutes to go over my accounts and attempt to hook me into signing up for more credit cards. I know my bank is a business, but can't they at least try to make the customer experience a positive one? I would like to see iPhone camera check processing done in one day, better customer phone support, no ridiculous fees, no minimums, higher interest rates, the ability to use any ATM without a fee, and if there is a physical location, non-cheesy interior design.

Thanks!

---

Dear Frances,

Thank you for your email! I appreciate the detailed feedback. As a Chase customer myself (for now), I'm very familiar with what you describe!

First and foremost, we are focused on creating an amazing experience, both online and mobile. The interfaces will be beautiful, functional, and intuitive – modern interfaces that you will enjoy using. In addition to core personal banking services such as free online bill pay, fast and painless money transfers (instantaneous to other BankSimple customers), and access to 50,000 free ATMs, we will also allow you to deposit checks using your smartphone. We consider "speed" to be a feature, so expect fast and easy transaction searches, too. And of course we will have great customer service (phone, email, and chat) so that you can always reach a human being at any time.

We won't be hitting you with unexpected fees. No monthly charges either. In fact, the only time we would charge you a fee would be if the cost of the service you request is too expensive for us not to pass on the cost (i.e. international wire transfers). In those cases, you will know exactly what the cost is before-the-fact. The BankSimple debit card will not allow you to overdraft – the card will be declined if there is not enough in the account to process the charge. Later, we will offer a small and completely optional line of credit to cover you in the case of an overdraft.

I hope that the above gives you a better sense of what our service will offer. Should you have any other feedback or questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

We look forward to serving you as a customer in the not-too-distant future.

Best,

Adam

Rework

2011-01-24T22:50:00.010-06:00

I first started seeing the Rework book by 37Signals popping up in my Gowalla items collection earlier last year. It had a neat cover, but nothing urged me to seek out more information. Fast forward to now: my group uses Basecamp as a collaboration tool, and B has been developing his own strong ideas about how profitable businesses should operate. I breezed through the book tonight, and found it to be a very readable primer devoid of business jargon on how to build a business on your passion, shed fears and perfectionist tendencies, and treat your employees and customers like humans.

As part joke part hidden criticism, I sent my boss and his boss the link boycottameetingday.com, as they seem to be constantly in and out of meetings. Our last team meeting lasted the entire wedge of time between breakfast and lunch.

Rework: Ditch meetings. They tie up resources- a 1 hour meeting with 10 people is actually worth 10 hours, and a very small amount of information is actually shared, especially if no clear agenda is set beforehand.

I furtively conduct my daily blog rounds, not sure as to what the official policy is on distraction, but knowing full well that a person cannot work 8 hours straight without taking breaks. And I always get my work done.

Rework: What good is it to the company to ban Facebook/Youtube? Employees will find another way to waste time. Realize that people needs breaks to stay productive.

I yearn to be in an environment where I can get to know my coworkers, create an understanding between us on how each of our roles fit into the process, and feel free to disagree and offer constructive criticism. Right now we mind our businesses and act busy most of the time.

Rework: Keep the company small, so that employees will get to know one another more intimately and not be afraid to share ideas. Large companies have employees that treat everyone politely, because they are all strangers.

And many other takeways, including personal ones. Like, act now on inspiration. Otherwise, it will evaporate a few days or a week later. Don't imitate others. By taking this shortcut, you forgo the part where you develop hard-earned understanding, which is priceless.

Besides 37Signals, Twitter, Google, and some local startups, I wonder if there are any other thriving companies following this stripped-down philosophy. I would love to know : )

What else have I been up to? Preparing for my first photography show, that's what. Roshan 35, all 35mm photography show with 3 other photographers at Space12, rad poster designed by the brilliant BW/GF. I was pleased as punch to be invited to be a part of this, and after some initial anxiety over which photos I was to choose (they all started to look crappy), I got into gear and drove my negatives over to the esteemed Precision Camera for prints. And they came back looking absolutely drab! After doing some comparisons on Flickr and some old prints, I realized that Walgreens automatically applied a sort of 'S-curve' to all my photos, enhancing them with more contrast and a red hue. This made me question the validity of my film photography history. If they only looked so stunning because of a template edit, then I had nothing to hold onto. But after some external affirmation, I think I am starting to accept the natural, more moody look of my dusky shots. You'll see what I mean if you come. : ) Come! 7-11 PM @ Space 12. Other photographers featured: Evan Wilson, Andrew Stevens, Gideon Tsang (pastor of Vox Venaie).

January Links

2011-01-09T22:15:00.004-06:00

image from wingtor-graphy's photostream

NYT article linking adversity, resilience, and well-being

GOOD Magazine asks people about working (and not working)

Austin shipping container studio

Ph.D to family farming

Austin Outdoors

2011-01-09T20:48:00.011-06:00

top images from lululemon

On Friday, I left work early to go hiking with Rachel. We drove over to the Wild Basin Wilderness Preserve, right off the bustling Loop 360. It is a small haven of woods and stream nestled in West Lake Hills, surrounded by gaudy mansions and shiny corporate offices. Once you step out of your car, you get a huge whiff of the trees, as if you were miles away from the city. This is something that Austin should really be proud about- how a few dedicated people fought to preserve natural spaces in the city and won. Hell, the Greenbelt is a 7 mile rocky trail that runs straight through town and weaves around numerous neighborhoods. The Wild Basin's trails are only 2-3 miles long, but when we climbed to the top, we were treated to commanding views of the hills. It was a great opportunity to get my heart rate up and strike up a long conversation with a good friend. I know I can always count on Rachel to go outside with me, as I do not know anyone who loves the outdoors more than she does. We plan on visiting Bright Leaf Preserve soon, another protected natural area just northwest of where I live (so central!).

These past 2 weeks have been filled with disc golf playing. It is basically a disc equivalent of golf, with different sized discs based on distance and par for each hole. A while back, my friend Tyler notified us that he would be playing at Pease Park, since the city was going to tear down the disc golf course. Having never played, I joined him and a few out of towner friends for a round after work. Even though I had limited skills, it was a complete blast! I was treated to a leisurely tour of the park, which I had only ever previously zoomed by in my daily commute, did a fair amount of walking, and soaked in the gorgeous fake winter weather. Since then, B and I have each purchased our own discs and gone to 2 other courses in town. My beginner luck has worn away, and I spent much of yesterday afternoon rolling up my chinos and wading in the freezing stream at Bartholomew Park fetching my disc. At least I was getting some use out of my neglected Chacos, noted B. Disc golf is all about technique, and less about strength. I do not have the technique down yet, so it's more practice for me to regain the initial glee I experienced when playing. It's a neat sport, very low impact and great for when you want to hang out with friends but do more than just sit around.

image from photobucket

A new show B and I have been watching is the 2nd season of New Scandinavian Cooking, hosted by Tina Nordstörm on PBS. I think they slapped "new" on there because she likes to use American produce like avocados, cherry tomatoes, shallots, cucumbers and red apples to complement her dishes. This show is unlike most cooking shows we have become accustomed to, as Tina is always outside and doesn't take a huge bite out of all of her creations and emit forced "mmmms." So far, we have seen her dive for cockles (clams) and fish for mackerel, items she immediately prepares after setting up her makeshift cooking table. She has also gone hang-gliding, and clearly isn't afraid of having her hair messed up or outfit rumpled on camera. Her English is pretty good, and we entertain ourselves by mimicking her slight, endearing accent and occasional odd phrasings. Personally, her liberal application of dill and common usage of shellfish hints at my possible difficulty of enjoying Swedish cuisine, but it's a refreshing and education show anyway. At least B would love eating Sweden.

A Good Start to a New Week

2010-12-07T23:29:00.008-06:00

image from themagazine

So, I'm 2 days into my new job at BHI, and it's been a pretty positive experience. Even though I am hourly, I am treated like a full-time employee in that no one is looking over my shoulder to make sure I'm occupied each minute. Also, my team has a great connection and people are either joking around or speaking freely about office politics. And I get to bounce around in a sweet Herman Miller Aeron chair. It's in the MoMa Collection, for Pete's sake! There is also much work to be done. The amount of information about messy processes I have let in on is somewhat overwhelming, I must admit, but I have ample time to play around and figure out how to eliminate efficiencies so that we can all use our time for better purposes. That's my job in a nutshell- to improve on the current processes. It all boils down to the main underlying goal of all business actions: to get more profit. In fact, everyone in any position or industry is responsible for keeping this in mind. Stagnation and complacency is the mark of a bored, burnt out, or defeated worker. Not good. Do people reserve the same amount of energy and determination to effect a similar result in their personal lives? Should they? Should I pore over my financial documents, charts, and ledgers with the aim of reducing waste, charting overspending, and maximizing savings? Or should we be looser about living and seek to be happy and not so intensely attentive to every single detail.

Same thought goes out to entrepreneurs, who are always looking for the next big moneymaking thing. Is this a hobby of some people? What is the point of making more and more money? That is something I cannot wrap my head around. Make enough to live on, enjoy fancy food, travel occasionally, build some savings, clothe the children and send them to college. That's really all I desire monetarily. Don't want a huge sum looming over prodding me, "How are you going to manage me for the rest of your life? Don't screw it up!" Simple is better.

It's a real luxury getting to work 2 jobs. Because today I worked all day, felt a bit tired and used up, and cheered up at the thought of going in for only a half day tomorrow. Having some variety is good for my soul and attention. I don't have time to frequent the grocery store every day anymore, but I can go every other day. I swear, Natural Grocers has become my second living room, or a late afternoon destination (since I can leisurely walk there from our house).

On an unrelated note, I have been getting some heartening comments on my other blog. I am aware that it has a readership of sorts, but receiving positive feedback is truly instrumental in encouraging me to keep it up. Half the time I wonder to myself, "Why am I even keeping it up? There are a slew of fashion blogs and websites with similar items. What do I have to offer to the landscape?" I love to do fun things just for myself, but how much more awesome it is if other people find them useful or interesting.

You Gotta Try

2010-12-01T18:21:00.003-06:00

Mulling over this quote by Teddy Roosevelt. Oh worthy cause, which one are you for me?

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Surviving is Easy

2010-11-30T17:09:00.008-06:00

image source

Today at work, I had the singular opportunity to don a chemical warfare suit to practice for a listening test. This was the first time I came into contact with the company's clients, which happened to be the U.S. government this time. It was a challenge getting into the mask, as there was a long rubber seal at the neck, much tighter than the tightest turtleneck, and I had to smother initial panic at the little space I had in there. The breathing, speaking, and listening apparatus was identical to what pilots use, so what made up my soundscape was a microphone squealing and ragged breathing noises. My partner put on the suit as well and we took turns reading out words and choosing them from out of a list. It wasn't too difficult, but the feeling I came away with was, surprisingly, adrenaline at the thought of people actually using these suits in the wild. And I really wished during that hour that I was doing something exciting and dangerous in the getup. Pardon my naivety, but my brain raved, "it's so cool that people in the military gets to use stuff like this!"

Life here is so very civilized and safe. Is this why we invent and play complicated survival and military video games and are drawn towards zombie apocalypse shows and movies? Does that contribute to the military's allure? Is it positive for our mental and psychological health that we will probably never have to worry about surviving? Have humans developed this far to sit at mundane office jobs for the majority of their adult lives? Now I'm not complaining about my wonderful, cushiony existence. It's just that I felt something alive today that was markedly absent from my daily experience, and it was powerfully attractive. Adrenaline, for starters. Is that sick, pondering this while people across the world are actually under threat of death and injury? It's so foreign.

Jerk me back to reality, Internet. Here we have a frosting decorating pen recommended by The Kitchn. Ooh fancy!

The Workyear Begins

2010-11-29T19:44:00.011-06:00

It's a Monday night, and I have it all to myself, as usual. B's out playing games and I'm practicing learning how to entertain myself. You'd think that by 25 a person would know him/herself well enough to do the things he/she likes. Nope, not here. For some reason, I have a hard time enjoying myself these days. I get discouraged easily, defeat plans with negative self-talk, and wonder at what I could be doing or be involved in that would be fulfilling. I am aware of all of this- the trick is to put an end to it. Chill out! Life is good.

Happily, last week I secured a part-time job that will allow me to keep my current one and have me working 40 hours a week. The company is a good deal further away (off 620), but traffic isn't so bad going that direction, and I am sort of excited about the work I'll be doing. 0 client contact, data and operations management, using Salesforce, Basecamp, and Excel to improve on processes and assist in the data entry and project creation aspect. I have some experience doing this, which is what helped me land the job, but in this position, I'll have a more autonomous and independent role. Is this my one true passion? Who knows. But I feel confident enough of my grasp of the software and their expectations that it will keep me pretty occupied. Plus, it gives me another chance to be more creative and reflective in my work, even if it not a "creative field." A good thing to practice in all aspects of life. This is so critical to personal happiness, imo. I start next Monday. In the meantime, I'm gonna bum around and savor my last sleep ins.

One thing that is always on my mind is finances. I can't help it- I worry over the large purchases (necessary or frivolous) and wonder how we could save more. Luckily, we have always been able to pay for emergency purchases, yet I know we could do so much better. Most financial experts say to aim for 6 months of expenses in your emergency fund; this year, due to lack of not much adjusting during my unemployment and kickstarting student loan payoffs, we've never had more than $1000. Naturally, this deeply bothers me. It's so difficult and time-consuming anticipating monthly bills, purchases, and setting aside the extra for savings. The main problem is that we think we have money in the bank (which we do), so we splurge on eating out or getting a new piece of furniture, when that money was saved for a future bill payment. So then we end up having to borrow from savings (really, ourselves), and that's how it stays low. This is hugely frustrating to me, because we don't spend loosely on small things, like most Americans might have used to. A latte here, a snack there, a soda later, a few dollars each day add up over time. We don't fall into that trap. While I am bordering on neurotic about money, B is the opposite. He takes it easy and finds it easy to forgive (himself and) us when we overspend. Psychologically, he is much better off. Yet I don't want to miss out on reaching big financial goals because we ate out too many times a week or kept buying stuff we didn't need our whole lives.

I've been flipping through my copy of Smart Couples Finish Rich. It's a pretty good primer for people (not just couples) interested in getting their finances off to a good start. Nothing in there that I don't already know, but it's good to remind myself to stay on track. One of the points was that as a couple, you need to get together and discuss your dreams and set common goals. I don't think we've really done this beyond occasionally talking about leaving Texas and moving to Sweden one day, which I've realized, will never happen unless we start doing something to make it happen. We also talk about shorter term goals, like visiting my cousin in New York, or taking a road trip out to West Texas, both of which are entirely doable. It takes money to travel and to fulfill some big dreams. I think we need to start putting aside money to make these trips, alongside building our emergency fund. This will take a great deal more discipline and a full-time job on my part to achieve. B, if you are reading this, let's get on it!! Part of the problem has been that I have the vague notion that we should be spending less money, but we have no specific alternate purpose for it.

One thing I have to watch out for is being too extreme. I have a tendency to be very black and white about things, taking frugality to the point of ignoring my wants. Likewise, B has the opposite tendency. I know this is common for many couples, and I really hope we can smooth out our philosophies out and one day make a shared one. Well I really started this post to write about a handful of updates, but I guess it took a turn to the moneysides. What else...

Snorri has been really lethargic these past 24 hours. He didn't move from the couch the entire 9 hours B spent there playing Fallout 3 (that's another topic). Usually he is pretty active in chasing Boyd around or playing with his toys. I decided to take him to the vet today and see what was up. I pushed him into the cat carrier and he yowled mournfully during transit, completely unresponsive to my reassurances. It was really disconcerting hearing him like that. Even though it wasn't walk-in hours, the clinic squeezed us in between appointments and after inspection, the vet declared that Snorri was physically fine. I wonder if something happened during the 3 days we were out of town for Thanksgiving. It's a mystery!

Here is a NYT article I read today about a 91 year old athlete who is super fit. Above is a photo of a similarly fit Japanese octagenarian, Mitsu Morita. The article investigates the link between rigorous exercise and a healthy, long life. All the more reason to take the time to develop a lifelong disciplined exercise regime.

Today I watched part of a debate (Youtube clip) between former British prime minister Tony Blair and author Christopher Hitchens on whether religion is a force of good or evil in the world. We watched a similar debate on the BBC last year, on the Catholic church in particular. In both cases, the audiences at the end voted that religion/Catholicism was not a force for good in the world. Very interesting turn of events from a generation that was largely brought up to be god-fearing. What is not debatable is that many crimes and stupidities have been committed in the name of religion. And that one does not have to be religious to love his neighbor. And it's easy to see politicians driven by their religious fanaticism ruining the landscape of American politics these days, which is truly unfortunate.

Pardon

2010-11-18T17:38:00.002-06:00

my lack of updates as of late. I've been thrown in a whirlwind of open doors, closed doors, government regulations, and looming deadlines, as it relates to job opportunities and the terms of my unemployment benefits. I know I'll come out of this with something, but I'm trying to secure the absolute best something possible. What Color Is Your Parachute? is my study guide. Wish me luck!

The Next Level

2010-11-15T22:28:00.013-06:00

As I may have mentioned before, I've been going on Monday Night Rides with whomever is available, going 25-30 miles in and around town. They've really been boosting my aerobic endurance, as I have given up my hatred for hills and and am coming to accept (if not enjoy) them. At 54 degrees, tonight marked the first chilly ride. It also offered some new lessons. I layered up with an Under Armour polyester base shirt, an American Apparel (55% cotton, 50% polyester), a jersey knit scarf, and my Marmot windshirt (100% polyester). Bottoms consisted of cheapo long black cotton leggings from Forever 21, AA poplin shorts on top for modesty, and SOS North Carolina cycling socks. No wool yet, as I am not too eager to provide more luxurious munchies for our resident moths. I might try wool blends first. The scarf was a lifesaver, as I flipped it over my mouth and nose because the cold air was reviving my cough. I ended up only unzipping my jacket a few inches after heart-pounding climbs, never overheating.

Here's the route Tyler, Stephen, and I took. 15 minutes in, I noticed that my handlebars were noticeably tilted to the left. My bike fell over while I was waiting for my ride partners at Quacks, and apparently the stem was not bolted on tight enough. It was folly to not bring my newly acquired (and effing awesome) Leyzne multi-tool, as I was running out of space in my bento box. Always pack the multi-tool! And I gotta get a handlebar bag or remember to wear my jersey. I wasn't able to bring a pair of gloves and my keys, phone, wallet and Clif bar in the bento box made a ruckus on bumpy surfaces.

In hindsight, I am happy that I got rid of my large, wide English saddlebag. Only the smallest seat bag (the one I found off Craigslist is Banjo Brothers Mini) won't get in the way of my thighs. To me, the balance of carrying just enough stuff is a challenge to figure out in the beginning. I want to have a rear rack for strapping on a jacket or extra layers that I get rid of during the course of riding, but if I rarely use it, that's 1 or 2 lbs of extra weight I'm hauling up a hill.

Other additions that would have helped: seamless undies (!), not wearing the shorts on top (extra fabric and seams really rub after 10 miles), a warm cap to put under my helmet, plastic toe-clips that actually fit, bar-end shifters. Articles of clothing that did not reek afterwards: thermal shirt, leggings, jacket, scarf. Not bad at all. The Under Armour shirt was pretty cold on my skin when I stopped- it's definitely part of their "heat gear" collection. It's pretty neat to put my setup to the test and figure out better ways of dressing. I'm trying to "deserve" my gear, which will help me decide what is truly useful and what is vanity. Ah, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow for workout...

A Model for Living

2010-11-14T21:16:00.011-06:00

"Comparison is the thief of joy." Somebody said that somewhere and it is meant to encourage us to, well, stop comparing ourselves others and try and be happy with our lives. Lately, I've been examining other people's lives, people I know and people I've only heard about, in an effort to look for a loose model on which to base my own. Let's face it, neither you or I are going to craft a totally original, completely off-the-wall life. We aren't all that different from the average of those around us. Right now, I feel like I'm at a standstill, having had plenty of time to reflect on my personhood. If I continue to be lazy, comfort-seeking, and dependent on preset paths, I won't do much at all in this lifetime and I'll face an unbearably crushing amount of regret on my deathbed. Definitely one of my biggest fears. Also, the existence of too many choices is crippling. I also wonder at my avoidance of risk, how it would lead to less opportunities and a less fulfilling life. So many self-help/ business articles urge you to take risks to reap huge rewards. So, who's it gonna be?

My mother. In many ways, I have missed my chance to start out like she did. An immigrant from Hong Kong, she completed her bachelors and masters degree in CS in the states early, and toiled as a test engineer my entire childhood up until I left for college. (She took 5 years off when I was born.) When she decided that she paid her dues and had provided a comfortable environment for her children, she started pursuing a masters in counseling a few years back. She loves helping people, has a heart for the suffering, and is currently amassing her practicum hours in a school talking to at-risk teens.

My father. He had a similar path to my mother, working as an engineer for a defense company for 20+ years. After a religious epiphany (also spurred by the 2000 tech bubble), he switched to a polar opposite field by attending seminary and becoming a pastor, later reverend. In my mind, seminary is no walk in the park with all the dense theological texts you have to absorb, and also learning Hebrew. So for my Dad, a non-native English speaker, this was no easy feat. He was employed at our home church for nearly a decade and cultivated quite a number of fans from the congregation, due to his humor and charisma. He recently accepted a position in the largest church in Hong Kong, citing his boredom with DFW and his desire to travel the world as reasons for the change. Better late than never, huh?

My friend B.W. A recent graduate in film, she works contract editing jobs while shooting independent projects and researching for her sometime feature film in her free time. In short, her life is all about film, a she has realized her passion since childhood. She doesn't have loads of cash and has a tight budget, but she loves what she's doing.

My friend E.W. He is currently in Afghanistan working for a NGO, learning the language, traditions, and cuisine. I have no doubt that he is having the time of his life, and he is growing in ways that I can't even imagine. In a society where college grads are expected to get good jobs and start saving for a house and family, he chose a starkly alternate path. One much less comfortable, more illuminating, more dangerous, one which promises nothing certain in the future. In reading his blog and seeing his photos, I gather that he is experiencing things and gaining a valuable perspective most Americans will never come across or adopt.

My friend T.P. She is a super-busy mother of 3. Her life consists of making sure her kids are fed, clothed, and safe, the errands run, and the house kept relatively clean. Once I asked her what her career goals were, and she paused and admitted that she had not thought about them in years. Nursing, she responded.

My friend L.G. He owns a small bike shop in East Austin and works more than 40 hours a week. This dude's life is all about bikes. He is an integral part of the community, has spent decades working on bikes, and is well-known for his excellent service.

And, some people I don't know. Keith Malloy, a badass Patagonia ambassador who surfs and tackles environmental issues. The grizzled guys at Austin Metal Authority, who hammer and shape metals into functional and ornate pieces at their East Austin studio. Trent, the author of financial blog, The Simple Dollar (that's his full-time job).

Honestly, I can't any see a hint of myself in any of these examples. Alternatively, I could just get pregnant and take on motherhood as an identity and job and relieve myself of this hard reflection. Haha nope.

[As a note, I began writing this blog post as a way of procrastinating learning about accounting basics in preparation for a phone interview tomorrow. Tsk tsk!]

Thoughts on Twitter

2010-11-11T16:04:00.005-06:00

Now that I've been using it for 881 days, here are some of my conclusions:

Everyone wants to yak, but few people tweet anything worth reading. This is why I try to keep my tweets per day down to a minimum- even I usually almost don't care about what I'm about to say. And the people who don't tweet very often? They are most likely too busy living life.

For every captivating tweet, I will ponder it for 5 minutes, max. There's a live feed competing for my already too-short attention span. I get on Twitter for quick friend life updates, and the occasional newsworthy link. That's it. Life prefers to carry on without distraction. At least for me, this sort of distraction is the "enemy of purposeful action."

Plaguing Thoughts

2010-11-04T14:58:00.014-05:00

extreme introvertedness

necessity of networking

seeking community

the point in talking to people you don't like

benefits of trying/ trudging ahead

importance of belonging

life calling as a myth

on pessimism

role of failure

is it really OK for women to not have grand careers

is relying on the outside world for structure weak

what creates drives in others

limits of effort

looking-glass self

comfortableness as anti-growth

causes of success

meaning in expertise

accept or try to improve weaknesses

too much entertainment

too little enlightenment

lack of respect for art due to information overload

real benefits of strongly filtering media

real benefits of being very culturally informed

right balance of consumption and creation

Apple Cider Vinegar

2010-10-14T15:55:00.006-05:00

I bought a bottle of Bragg's apple cider vinegar from Wheatsville, thinking that it would be a healthful addition to some of our dishes. Turns out I couldn't really think of what dish I wanted to taste more sour (none, really), so it just sat there for a few weeks. Additionally, there is no evidence that this folk remedy liquid is beneficial for your health. Fast forward to 2 weeks ago: I purchased some canned black and red beans for a protein source, as we have currently cut out red meat in our diet. Problem was, excluding for the exquisitely homecooked beans and rice I had at Willie Mae's Scotch House in New Orleans, I have never liked a bean dish. Living in Texas, I can't understand how people regularly consume the gritty mush that is refried beans or sugar-loaded baked beans. True, I have in my possession a 3rd generation family red beans 'n rice recipe from kronicred that I will try once I devote a day to the slow cooker. Anyways, I had to figure out a way to make these mostly flavorless legumes palatable to us. After 2 rounds, I have come up with a winning umami-ful recipe that uses apple cider vinegar I'd like to share here. And if you have a problem with beans and gas, you can try soaking them in a water and apple cider vinegar mixture the night before.

1 large can of organic black beans (Eden Foods cans are BPA-free), drained and rinsed

1 medium onion, diced

1 medium bell pepper, diced

2 stalks of green onions, chopped (optional)

a few springs of parsley, leaves removed from stem (optional)

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/4 c chicken stock

1 tsp apple cider vinegar, to taste

2 tsp soy sauce, to taste

dash of salt and pepper

oil

Pour a bit of oil into a non-stick pan, turn heat to high. Drop the garlic in and sautee until fragrant. Add onions and turn down heat to medium. Sautee until translucent. Add bell pepper, sautee for a few minutes, then toss in all other ingredients. Stir gently. Remove from stove once the beans have absorbed all liquid and are beginning to turn soft. Serve hot.

Some Thoughts

2010-10-08T14:42:00.005-05:00

• Right now, I'd rather spend money on novel experiences than on acquiring new things. Some friends' experiences I envy: camping in Scotland (while roaming Europe), visiting remote areas of Afghanistan, working and cooking at an "eco institute."

• Physical possessions, save for wear and tear, don't change; we change. That is why an item will never hold our (my) complete interest for long. That is the main reason I've come to abhor shopping: it offers the promise of happiness, which I see through immediately, yet am not immune to. The best we (I) can hope for in a physical belonging is that it will do its job for as long as possible, and look good doing it.

• I like to bake because it usually results in me making something good. Yet, following the same recipe each time does not lead to flow (this requires challenge and creativity). I must push myself more somehow, because my natural state is inaction. I can really sympathize with Jonathan Swift, to whom this quote is attributed: "I hate to write, but I love to have written."

• Right now, I am in the most self-centered phase in my life, not only because I have no dependents to take care of or authority figures to be accountable to, but also because I have the monetary means to do whatever I want. Yet, I feel that when I'm not going after my own pursuits, I should serve and give to others. It's a struggle to keep up regularly with friends, as everyone is busy and/or across town. One thing that stands out to me in my childhood is the occasion homemade meal, dessert, or even backyard garden harvest from church friends that we were able to enjoy. An unexpected tasty morsel made up of the labor of a loved one is something that money cannot buy. So, hopefully with my baking habit, I can bring some of this feeling to others.

• I have mulled over the handmade homelife and have come to the conclusion that I am grateful for our modern conveniences and factories that make food for us. I tried coconut yogurt for the first time yesterday- it was fantastic! There are posts online about how to make it and coconut kefir yourself, but I admit that I have little interest in doing it. Call me lazy, 'cause it sounds like work. I have a mountain of respect for people who make the majority of their food and eschew processed foods, either because they have to, or they find it fulfilling. But that's not me.

No Collective Wisdom

2010-09-30T01:25:00.006-05:00

I have been reading, no- savoring The Omnivore's Dilemma for a few weeks now, and I brought it along to Portland. It is all about food, an integral part of human life, especially modern American food, something I have a love/apathy relationship with. Having been prepped by watching Food, Inc., I knew that as a nation most of us were walking corn#2people ("you are what you eat!"), that obesity levels are at an unprecedented high, and that conditions in most feedlots are unspeakably unsanitary, cruel, and artfully hidden. The way I have dealt with this thus far is to avoid all processed foods with HFCS, join a boot camp, get produce on occasion at farmers markets, and purchase meat from a local co-op that only stocks what is "natural," "antibiotic-free," "free-range," and whatever other catchphrases they use these days. But we still eat out at restaurants who don't serve food at this standard, because we like eating out. B, especially, delights in trying new foods and enjoying old favorites as if it were a hobby of his. If we limited ourselves to restaurants that sourced only local and organic plants and humanely treated animals, our choices would be limited to a handful of places, mostly on the $$$$ side. We throw our hands up in the air about that.

But should we be cooking and eating in more? Or looking to move to a place with more of those options (like Portland)? I've had more than enough time this year to cook dinner for us each weeknight. I go to the grocery store every other day to get the freshest greens. I don't recall the last time I threw out expired veggies or fruits. (That was a weekly occurrence during my college days, where 4 girls shared a cave of a refrigerator and went to the HEB once a week). It feels good to be able to provide a healthy, hot meal for us. I have even started using the oven again to bake no-knead bread and desserts. The bread-making was spurred by the realization that the $3 rustic loaves we get from Central Market probably aren't that hard to make. And they cost like 12 cents in ingredients. It took exactly 3 tries of dense loaves for me to figure out that I need to let the dough rise twice as long as the recipe stated, so that it would acquire that chewy, airy texture. I also started making these for my local bike mechanic, who has been a valuable resource in fixing up my recently acquired vintage Bridgestone RB-3 road bike. It takes me 8-12 hours of rise time to make a loaf (actual labor time: 15 minutes?), and while I go to my job and do other things during the rise time, it is still an amount of work. It is not very convenient, and part of me would rather continue to buy these from local bakeries, but as my last yoga class taught me to do, I withhold judgment and reflect on the inconvenience. I certainly do not want to succumb to the unhealthy and expensive fast food lifestyle, where everything I consume is processed or pre-made. I see one of my employers going down this path, even though he has started exercising, he doesn't have time to eat, much less make food, because he is an endlessly working small business owner. I look at the Amish/old-timey/survivalist Lehman's catalog and see human-powered food-making machines that aren't really for timesaving. Not that I scorn technology and wish to live life the way they did 100 years ago: short lives with days full of meticulous, backbreaking labor. And yet, it could be more meaningful than the life some people live now. I'm not sure what exactly I'm trying to say; perhaps that I am being made aware of how I need to be here now and seek meaning in seemingly menial and labor-intensive tasks like cooking, baking, cleaning, gardening, and mending.

The subject of this post is inspired by a recent section in the book. That as Americans, we do not have a national cuisine to draw from, and that is why we have a "national eating disorder," says Michael Pollan. We are yanked this way and that way each few years by the newest diet or superfood. I am prey to the hype each time and indignation at this has been building up in me. We do not have the collective wisdom of other cultures, many of whom have been eating the same way for generations. What tastes good is usually also healthy. Think tofu in China, kimchee in Korea, sauerkraut in Germany, cured fish in Scandinavia. This is why I feel a more pressing need to learn more traditional dishes from my mom, and explore foods that I have grown up eating and no longer excite my taste buds. This is why I cannot love food magazines like Everyday Food, because the recipes, pretty as they are, have vague influences from other cultures and have been modified to be healthy by the editors. I'm fine with healthy. I just feel unsettled that we have no strong food traditions from which to draw. It may sound like I am against reinvented and modern foods. I am not, but there needs to be a foundation. I don't want my kids growing up eating fish sticks, frozen pizzas, McDonald's, soft drinks, and Cheetos like I did. Besides zero nutrition, there isn't really a story behind those foods. Not one to be proud of and cherish anyway.

Back from the City of Roses, #2

2010-09-30T00:01:00.010-05:00

And... we are back from 3.5 days in Portland with B&K. We had a relaxing time with them in transit and also during downtime. Their apt is furnished with mid-modern century Craigslist and Ebay finds, and also (the other) B's geometrical artwork. It was nice to be able to leave the windows uncovered all day and have thin, unobtrusive sunlight stream in. Very atmospheric. The trip was filled with shopping at downtown boutiques (best: Lizard Lounge- like Stag but with women's clothing too), eating at local favorite eateries (highlights: Broder Cafe- delightful Scandinavian cuisine, Little T Bakery- best baguettes, Pambiche- Cuban food made with love), and a generous heaping of walking about. No joke, each day my pups ached something sore after a few hours of wandering, regardless of whether I wore my beat-up Vans Authentics or VFFs. Either my feet muscles are somehow largely underused, or walking shoes do really have a purpose. Our main form of transportation, besides our feet, was the bus, and then the MAX light rail, and then streetcar.

There were a few times I strongly felt the absence of my bike (most exciting way to explore this flattish city, imo), but really, there were not as many bike lanes as I had expected. Also, you must have fenders (full is best) to ride through puddly days, since most people there commute. No wealthy white-collar triathletes or weekend cyclists with carbon bikes here. (Or at least I did not see any). Having such a significant proportion of cyclists made me wonder how the marketplace for used bikes kept up, as most bikes I saw were scuffed up vintage types with original components. And the other B pointed out, there is a continuity between generations who exist in harmony by sharing a deep love for the outdoors. I knew I was in the Pacific Northwest the minute I stepped out of the airport and saw an octagenarian clad in Keens and synthetic rain gear. Awesome.

The particular neighborhood we stayed in was Sunnyside in SE Portland. Apparently not the current hip district (that would be Mississippi Avenue), it boasts blocks and blocks of restored bungalows sprinkled with bars, shops, small apartment complexes, a library, a food cart park, and really good restaurants. Each space is used up, and there are no unsightly weedy fields, bustling major streets, or massive parking lots (except for the Walgreens') that you would find in a state like Texas, where space is not so much a rare commodity. And I saw people outside! On their lawns, mowing or putting up extremely early Christmas decorations, on their porches watching passerbys, or pushing their kids in strollers. The oppressive and long heat wave called summer we bear each year here keeps up cooped up in our houses, cars and other buildings. This is not good conditions for cultivating community at all. Which is why I felt a slight connection to the strangers going about their business outside around me, even as I was only a visitor. The green everywhere was also a welcome and calming sight. Passing by front yards wildly overgrown with native species, I couldn't help but feel excitement at the lush life that seemed to spill out from the land.

B got to do a fair share of checking out mens' shops here, as there are only a few menswear places in Austin of repute. He also picked up about 7 used books (they put them next to new books) during our tour of Powells; I had to literally drag him out of there. And on our way back from brunch in the neighborhood, we drove past Beckel Canvas, the maker of my rugged canvas luggage. We returned a few days later, and I had the pleasure of chatting with Kathy, the 3rd generation owner of the company, and picking up a red toiletry/ necessary bag. The company has been around for 46 years, faithfully making durable, no-frills tents, bags, and accessories. Their bags have seen a gargantuan surge in sales due to the Americana/ made in USA movement- good for them! And their tents? Steady in sales, as they are a favorite equipment of hunters and outdoorsmen who go on weeklong trips. Pretty hardcore.

I also planned a lunch with one of my old roommates who now works for the reputable design firm, Wieden+Kennedy. She took up atop the super modern building, where we enjoyed food truck cookery with a five-story high view of the mountains and trees. Lightly treated thick wooden beams, concrete, and stainless steel made up most of the workplace. Definitely the coolest, most modern office I've ever stepped foot into.

The photo above is from a photobooth in the swanky Ace Hotel. I was putting B's Stumptown coffee down when he scanned the credit card, and realized that the shutter was clicking. It made for a solid narrative though: B is alone. F comes into the picture. B whispers something into F's ear. They fall in love. : )

Shop the Photo

2010-08-31T16:25:00.006-05:00

For the past two days, I've been going through Photoshop tutorials and trying to pick up some necessary basics. I have only used it before for lightly editing photos, even though I generally abstain from digitally altering film photos. (It just seems so unnatural and wrong.) It was high time for me to dig into this tool, as I drool over good design without giving it much thought about how it was even made. Sometimes I have an idea, but then I feel completely stumped when I do not have the learned skills to recreate it outside of my mind's eye. But we all know that is an excuse to be lazy, so here's to not being lazy. Hopefully I can pick up a few golden tips from Kronicred in a few weeks. And if the interest remains, I'm eyeballing the ACC Visual Communication program- 'cause at $42/ hour, it's a steal!

I am so inspired by ISO50's posts on classic, minimalist design and his own work. I really want to know how he achieves the vintage/grainy color and texture effects. Right now, I'm keeping it simple. You can do a lot with text and basic shapes. You can also make something very uninspiring and boring. I'm very afraid of the latter. I want to eventually feel good about what I create, knowing that it has that special artistic pop to it, where when you glance at something, you know that everything is in its right place (!!), and it couldn't be improved on. Dunno how to do that practically beyond using a grid and color theory, but I guess that is what design books are for. Sure hope that skill can be learned. And then there is complex, beautiful stuff that I would never dream of being able to create, because I am too impatient, and that is OK.

Note: I am quickly learning that copy is just as important as the graphics. Random phrases really won't cut it? Aw, man.

Work Doodles

2010-08-23T16:12:00.013-05:00

I forgot to bring my magazine to work today, so I doodled instead. The decision was very much influenced by the quality drawings in this good book, The Selected Works of T.S. Spivet.

1: I didn't get to sit next to KK today. That took a lot of fun out of it. Rahn's the creepy guy they had to draw up a company sexual harassment policy for. And the sentences at the bottom are samples of phrases we get to test.

2: Yesterday's purchase

3: Dynastat office quirks- I always get the urge to pull the glass door handle when it should be pushed, and vice versa...

We were treated to free Amy's ice cream during a break. I haven't been 2 weeks yet and I get to enjoy this yearly perk. Like! I got the apple ice and as I wasn't going to subject my digestive system to the supremely delicious, utterly creamy confection that is mexican vanilla. Odd fact: one of my next door neighbor college students works there as well. Very coincidental, as only 10 people in town are sound testers there.

1st time: Cooking dried beans! They are cheaper than canned beans, and cans have BPA. I got large bag of 'em from my new favorite and even closer grocery, Natural Grocers. Now that I am better friends with an employee there (the gf of a bike friend) she kindly applies her employee discount to my purchases on occasion. I soaked them overnight, tossed them in the crock pot, covered them with 2 inches of water, turned the knob to low. Worried about them having no flavor, I added in some sliced yellow onion 4 hours later. I didn't have a ham hock handy. Does the flavoring come in after they are done? Does cooking them with salt make them tough? I haven't done too much research, but I'm trying to incorporate beans into our diet, so we are able to eat less meat and get enough protein.

1st time: Bought a fresh jalapeno to use in cornbread. What do I do with it? Would it be too spicy to add chopped raw into the mixture? Over the past year, I have amassed a decent herb and spice collection, and I have found that fresh herbs and spices pack more punch, flavor and brightness than dried ones. One day I will keep plants alive (even my succulents are looking dry), and when that day comes, I will have a herb and pepper garden.

Edit: I cut and seeded the pepper without gloves, and then touched my face! Intense burning for about 45 minutes only, thankfully. Tried lemon juice, baking powder, rubbing alcohol, ice. Only time seemed to help. So that's why I don't buy fresh peppers!

Living Design

2010-08-17T00:16:00.006-05:00

Following the theme of the previous post, have you ever thought about how you would customize your current home to make it more functional and livable? Too often we take for granted bad house design, lamenting poor decisions in our rented or owned homes made by "architects" and paying the price with unease and wasted space. B and I have applied a critical eye to our early 1900's duplex and taken to heart a list of changes we would make to improve it. I'm not a fan of all modern architecture, especially buildings that have blindingly white interiors, overly dark tones, or randomly placed windows. But I appreciate breaking the rules of the old architecture in the name of efficient storage, light and space. If you could build a custom house from the ground up, based on your experiences in the homes you've resided in, what are some of the characteristics it would have? RB and I had a ball playing around with ideas this morning as we hiked the Walnut Creek Metropolitan Park. Here is my running list, which is heavily influenced by a number of online sources. For a lofted ~400 square foot dwelling:

- Reclaimed/ salvaged wood ceilings (knotted, preferably)

- A bedroom for sleeping only

- Toto (bidet) toilet or composting toilet

- Separate toilet and shower area

- Slim fridge or drawer fridge

- Shallow, open kitchen shelving, or a dual drying rack and shelving unit above sink- why move the dishes twice?

- 2-burner stove- we never use the back ones

- Integrated countertop and dining table

- Lots of blue! Our orange cats look great against it

- Jumbo wide windows strategically placed next to foliage

- Office or lounge room that morphs into a guest bedroom somehow (bed folds into the wall?)

- Overhanging dresser units from the loft walkway, like in our friends' old abode, Avenue F Studio, photo 03

- Lots of shelving for books and craft materials (minimal amount of furniture that rests on the ground- makes cleaning easier)

- Toying with Japanese influence: raised floors- eliminates need for chairs, provides underneath storage, shoji screens instead of doors

- Built-in entertainment system storage, maybe

- Glass tile? I feel strangely drawn towards it, as more and more people are remodeling their kitchen and bathrooms with it

- Shared lot with a set or two of friends, shared garden, chicken coop/ fish pond, and yard

I'd much rather have a thoughtfully customized small house than a run-of-the-mill larger one, wouldn't you? It's your home, your sanctuary, and you should feel like yourself in it.

Shack Plans

2010-08-12T11:47:00.009-05:00

Alright, the time has come to reveal what has been the source of my insomnia for a few days last week. The tentative plan to build and live in a tiny house in Austin! I've written about this topic before. At least this is how it plays out in my mind:

Build a tiny house on a trailer bed using this plan and these guidelines. Materials will cost less than $10,000. (Save up first.) Find some friends on the Eastside who would let us park the house in their large yard. Get rid of most of our stuff, except for some clothes, books, camping gear, and kitchen essentials. After everything is paid for, pay no rent!! And only like $20/ month in utilities. Feel good, clean less, and spend more time with other people outside.

Yeah, yeah?? I ran the idea past B and he barely batted an eye. (His remained glued to his iPhone.) It's hard to let go of private space. I even pointed out that he only truly uses like 100 square feet in our duplex: the couch, his computer chair, the area in front of the stove, the bathroom, and the bed. I also have no idea how the two cats would fare in a dramatically reduced space. Anyway, I wanted to put that out there, as an alternative to buying a house or renting regular (poorly designed) properties, because just think about how much money you could end up saving. And an exercise in minimalism could really help our engorged appetite for material stuffs.

I was chatting up C today at work about housing. Usually it's just the two of us in a small office suite, and we let loose on whatever is going on in our heads. I am generally not great at opening up to coworkers, especially ones who are older (her kid's in college), but the work is so dull that I can't help myself. C lives in a suburb of Austin and commutes 30-40 minutes to work each day. I was relaying the benefits of small communities and small houses, and I got to see the wheels start turning in her head. She agreed with me that living in a 3000+ square foot house was a waste of energy, and having a car per person in the family was also supremely wasteful. "So much of our political issues are tied to oil, we use so much gas and I'm not sure I want my money to go there." As a consultant, C used to travel extensively for her work, and thus lived in hotels most of the time. The idea of tiny houses resonated with her because she knew that she could live with a few number of possessions and still be happy. It's heartening to see someone so mired in living out the American Dream rethink their priorities and needs. I know there are more people like that who live in Austin... it's just that so much has to change here for it to reach the standards of green, minimal, community-oriented living. I am definitely not willing to wait a lifetime for this to happen. In the back of my head, there is an Austin exit strategy waiting to emerge once conditions get fairer.

August is Here! Yowz.

2010-08-09T15:52:00.009-05:00

Above is a video by Little Dragon, fronted by a shockingly soulful Swedish-Japanese singer. I freely admit that I poo-pooed their music the few times it came up on B's ipod, but after watching their live videos, I became very impressed. I spent about an hour savoring a handful of songs; you could say I was in a state of flow. What is flow? Read the article. Coined by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, it is a state of concentration and action, where you possess the skills to surmount a challenge. You lose track of time and are immersed in a state of active pleasure. To me, this is the holy grail of your life's actions. To achieve flow in both the workplace and in leisure is supremely rewarding. I never once encountered it when I was working, and that was partly due to my stubborn unwillingness to seek it out. I have experienced it when hearing a catchy, moving song for the first few times, and also when digging into a newfound hobby. Both occasions are short-lived, for the simple fact that novelty fades. The song becomes too predictable, and the skill or art presents challenges that seem too high to surmount. And I suspect there lies my problem in motivation. I would not go so far to call myself a Jill-of-all-Trades (except that I have in cover letters), but I do possess a shallow to moderate knowledge of most subjects that aren't overly technical or dry. It's easier to move on to something else when things start getting complicated, yeah? The only times in my childhood I have been instructed to dig deeper was in school and in orchestra. If it wasn't for the structure of schooling, I would have never been exposed to biology, music theory, grammar rules, social theory, etc. Wherein there lies the problem; it was all forced/ expected. I stopped thinking when I fulfilled the minimum requirements. Now that I have exited the system with a semi-valuable piece of paper, I find that I have no inner motivation outside of wanting to satisfy my basic needs. My most common response is to want to curl up and disappear, but this is clearly illogical and life is only getting shorter. I feel so ill-equipped for success, even for personal satisfaction. I see others pursuing their passions, taking risks, learning from failures, creating change, and talking openly about it. That's the definition of living, huh? I have always seen them from beyond a thick-paned sheet of glass, and I almost lionize them. I find that the more I think about these things, the less I act, and the more unhappy I feel. There is an infinite amount of distraction available on the internet that I've been numbing myself with (facebook, twitter, online shopping). And I'm getting tired of it. I'm lazy, freaked out, confused, scared of failure, and a neurotic perfectionist. They say it's the journey that is valuable, not the end product/ solution. If I can accept that, and also quit elevating others above me, then I have hope. Countless others have come into their own while going through a variety of challenges that are not present in my life. It seems stupid to write about this, and I apologize for the loads of self-help thoughts you readers have to slosh through. I'll be honest: I have no idea what I'm doing and approaching that realization causes me great anxiety. I hate that it does, and am trying to manage it the best that I can. I feel light years behind other people, yet I know I will be forever behind if I continue to choose inaction.

However, in a year chock full of employment possibilities and ensuing disappointments, I have a positive report! I got a part-time job working with my friend Kristi testing the quality of sound clips. Very random, I know, but I somehow managed to pass the very difficult test after two tries. At a rate of 1 word per 2 seconds, you listen to a series of spoken words (masked with varying distortion) and choose which one you hear out of two very similar-sounding terms. Ex. chad/ shad, bat/ gat, choose/ shoes. It's sleep-inducing after about 30 minutes, but having a solid part-time job will keep me busy and with maximum unemployment benefits through the year. I'm brainstorming ways in which to encourage flow in this situation, and the best I can come up with is to attempt deep thoughts in tandem.

Change happens when the desire for gain is greater than the fear of loss.

On Certainty / On Creativity

2010-07-12T15:21:00.025-05:00

In this time of drawn-out unemployment, I've gotten used to the cloud of uncertainty about my career direction that hovers over me each day. It had plagued me much more seriously a year or two before, where I would work myself up and want to scream out in frustration. Instead of continuing this way, I took a step back and examined what was buried behind my confusion and fear. Looking back, I see that all the major decisions in my life were made somewhat haphazardly, without too much research or deep thought, and I have usually acclimated myself to how it changed my life. Overall, I am satisfied with those decisions, even the ones that were most heavily influenced by others. I am just not someone with a raging individuality. (Yet I am enticed by people with that personality.) Although I have come to terms with this, relaying to this a prospective employer usually doesn't help me along. From my interview experience, I gather that most employers want to see that you have a business-oriented passion, and then have you direct that passion towards the company's success. So, I need to change my game plan by either a) picking a career based on some research and cultivate a stronger interest in it, b) picking a career, any career, and practice getting good at faking passion, or c) if there is nothing out there I can get, create my own job.

Job articles are constantly going on about how to set yourself out from the crowd using creative methods. I have done that before, and even thinking about it makes me tired. I do not consider myself a "creative person." Sure, I have created things before, some of which I liked, some of which I felt were failures. My mind does not think outside its box on a daily basis; it is lazy in that area and I was not brought up to stretch myself that way. Success meant doing what you were told and getting A's in school. I tend to look at famous artists and artist friends alike with a mixture of wonder, jealousy and longing. How are they like that? In college, I had a friend who was so imaginative and was always coming up with neat projects for us to do while hanging out. I really craved that creative companionship, because it took all responsibility off myself to learn how to entertain myself. Now I see that it's possible to take the reins and be OK, even proud of my ideas. Reading this article helped me to see that instead of judging and censoring my occasional creative thoughts, I need to loosen up, stop comparing myself to others, just create and not stop. (My self-worth is not based on the quality of my output... or is it? And by whose standards?) As a child, I had perfectionist tendencies, as my world was so small things could often be done 100% correctly. I can honestly say that because I could not stand to not be the best at something, I could not choose a career path in college. Clear-cut success or I'll have none of it. There is no transition from being a star child to being a mediocre, ordinary adult. What a blow to my complacent ego. Obviously, that has been debilitating to me in entering adult life, and I hope to move past all that soon, and find personal meaning in my actions. In terms of a job, that may mean that I do something now to pay the bills and know that I probably won't be doing it forever. I have to be aware of the options available to me at the moment and take advantage of them while they still stand.

Ode to Boo

2010-07-08T15:28:00.009-05:00

It's a dreary, grey, dripping wet afternoon here. Natural light, come back. Texas is weird like that. The cats have been napping lazily all day. They certainly have the right idea. They have been a constant source of companionship for me these months, when I am usually home for half a day. Especially Snorri (Boyd had his turn late last year), who has grown into a half-sized, ever-playful kitty. I've been calling him Boo as of late. I love that he is still small. It fulfills my wacky desire for a perpetual kitten. I love that he is a downy soft white with large orange patches of fur, which is funny, because I thought he was one of the uglier kittens at the shelter when I was first choosing one out. He looks fabulously contrasty on our dark blue bathroom mat and on our wood floors. I never thought I would enjoy having a pet so much. The only pet I had before (besides roommate ones) was a beagle when I was about 10 or 12. Half the time of I was afraid of it chasing me around the yard and nipping at me. And he was so stinky, as outside dogs can be. Spud met a sad end one scorching summer a few years later when he knocked over his water bowl and the heat got the best of him. We grieved for a bit, but even my mother was openly relieved about not having to scoop poop every day anymore. That is my least favorite chore by far, but it's still very doable because it is contained a box. Besides that and needing to sweep up wisps of hair every other day, I can enjoy picking up a soft, warm, cuddle-monster whenever I like. Bonus: when we lay on the couch, Snorri will jump up and make himself comfortable on top of one or both of us. He is fair like that. And there are few grown things cuter than a sleepy, cozy cat. They are an animal of beauty! I find myself constantly entertained by their graceful (and sometimes not so graceful) movements and positions. I am also careful to refrain from gushing about them to guests and friends, yet it is somewhat unnerving to find myself acting like a new parent might. My cats, my husband, and a humble abode, what more could I want in a home?

custom stamp by kozue

On Energy and Food

2010-06-26T17:13:00.020-05:00

It's 5 PM and I'm resisting the urge to throw myself on my cool, inviting bed. A deep fatigue has permeated my limbs and muscles and is also affecting my thoughts. Today we biked to our regular Saturday morning workout since we didn't need to bring our weight bars and the location was at UT. I won't go through the details of the workout, but it was quite brutal in the unrelenting sun. I knew it was a mistake to pop just two 20 calorie shot bloks before heading out, mainly because the night before I experienced a massive hangover-type migraine after only 1 liquor drink and a full day of being dehydrated. I shut myself in a dark room at 9 PM, emerging only to stumble to the kitchen to get more water and eventually expelling the contents of my stomach. I dunno why throwing up relieves head-related nausea, but it tends to do the trick for me. It was also the first time I had experienced vision impairment, white flashes of light in the center of my vision that preventing me from being able to read any text. I thought I was going blind for a good 30 minutes, which was more than enough time to imagine how much my life would change if it did happen. (Should've gotten that damn eye exam!) B was sweet to me the whole time I was feeling and acting so unpleasant, and when I woke up after an indulgent 10 hours of sleep, all was back to normal. Still, the close memory of being so incapacitated and unable to perform basic tasks shakes me each time. I am so thankful that I am generally healthy and have the luxury of fretting about petty things every day. At one point earlier in the evening, we listened to an NPR podcast interviewing a quadriplegic who lived each moment with "death on his shoulders." I did not envy his situation, yet he spoke with such gentleness and joy about how after he broke his neck, he became the person he had always dreamed of becoming, full of love, compassion and reflection.

On eating: B has no difficulty relishing flavorful, expertly-cooked dishes. For him, eating is one of the joys of living. I have given up my task meeting him at that level, and I accept that I will never taste food the way he does. For too long I have regarding eating as a means to break up the day, a response to boredom, an act for fostering social situations, and a way to arouse my tired taste buds. I can't help but feel a bit cheated. Each week I scan Yelp for hot new eateries to chase down elusive ultimate eats.

Since this morning, our bodies were screaming at us to replenish in calories. I've never really experienced this type of hunger before. Usually if I forget to eat a meal or have not eaten enough, I feel slightly lightheaded, and I can choose to ignore the signals for hours (bad idea, I know). Not today. I truly tasted and savored our meals today in the knowledge that I was nourishing my weak body. Local tortillas, bacon, tofu dogs, bell pepper, vidalia onion, red potato hash, avocado- tacos are not an uncommon meal for us. And yet it was wonderful, even more so than when we concoct a similar meal when camping, after we have hiked a few miles and labored setting up the tent. In light of this, I can't imagine what it's like for professional athletes or even ultra-active people like EW who engage in strenuous exercise several hours a day. To treat food as a source of energy and vital nutrients, and not just something to consume 2 or 3 times a day because that is how we were raised. You soon learn the limits of your body this way. I'm not sure yet whether I want strive for this level of activity, but the physical urgency regarding eating definitely intrigues me. In Omnivore's Dilemma (which I need to finish), Michael Pollan discusses his experience of hunting and gathering a complete meal. It was probably a singular experience for him, being so far removed from the act of ordering a meal of fast food. Perhaps I could reclaim the primal satisfaction of eating in one of these ways. It's an opportunity to connect with the daily task of feeding myself that does not involve seeking mindblowing flavors or gorging myself.

Other Blorgg

2010-06-17T21:24:00.006-05:00

I started another blog about actual stuff, so I will no longer be bogging this blog down with talk about consumer goods. It has the word "two" in the name because someone else was originally supposed to join me in this venture. We shall see if she finds some time to turn unflaky. In the meantime, it's just me. I struggled a bit each time in the past when I posted about products, because, well, materialism is something I want to get away from. But I love well-made things, and if I don't talk about them, I will still think about them, so the best thing is to write about them and leave them on the page.

Oregonion Goodbye Video

2010-06-15T23:54:00.003-05:00

I just saw E post a tweet with a link to this video. The HD quality is amazing and I think it tenderly portrays a melancholia tinged with peacefulness/ harmony with nature. I had to watch it twice in a row because it struck me deeply. That family is overflowing with talent- I'm so jealous! Great job, E!

Oregonian Goodbye [HD] from evanistan on Vimeo.

Later Thoughts

2010-06-10T17:05:00.010-05:00

Yes, this is adulthood, isn't it? Not being able to get what you want when you want it.

Some despair, but since I can't mope and give up for the rest of my life, I moved towards accelerating my efforts and raising my confidence.

In the meantime, I have encountered some creative spurts. Hooray for specific want-to-dos.

1. Carve more stamps using Mister Rob Ryan as my inspiration. I am not great, but I figure if I do it long enough I ought to improve.

2. Learn how to make a leather belt. I love handmade leather goods, and I made the trip to the nearby Tandy Leather Factory (it's next to The Christmas Store) to get my own belt-making supplies. Currently, I'm stuck on punching the holes, only because it is so loud and I don't want to grate on the downstairs neighbors, rude as they are to us (blaring whimsical music starts at 3 am most nights). First one is gonna be for brother. I plan on adding some Native American stamps to his, but in a modern way.

3. Learn how to make an end-grain cutting board. From watching videos and reading instructions, I already know how to do it. I am merely lacking a shop and tools. I really think there should be a community shop/toolshed in Austin.

4. Sew a modern quilt, a la Jimmy McBride. His work blows my mind. I love how it is based on space photographs, which are already eerie and, well, otherworldly. I don't want to copy his space idea, but the concept of creating an amorphous image with many pieces. I know there is some term for this (related to pomo art?). This bookshelf one may be easier. I'd love to hang that up on a wall, but it's not like we have room for another bookshelf.

In the meantime of the meantimes, I'm pretty much cooking and baking whatever I want to eat. This is usually a dessert item. After watching a Good Eats episode on bananas, I went out and got the ingredients to make vegan roasted banana ice cream. Check out that rich sauce! I also love bananas foster, but am too fearful of lighting the rum on fire.

School and Pre-24 Life Never Taught Me

2010-06-07T15:32:00.003-05:00

How to deal with seemingly endless failure and rejection, despite my best efforts.

Boards by Joel

2010-05-28T16:38:00.011-05:00

Photo from Canoe

I've been eyeing these absolutely gorgeous crosscut boards on Canoe (which is an awesome online shop in general). They ran out of the 12" board, but upon zooming in on the image, I saw that the lightly engraved words on it are "boards by joel." And lucky for me, because you can buy directly from boards by joel, a Minnesotan business. The 12" Ash board was a mere $20, and the coasters were $3.50 each. Definitely cheaper than buying from Canoe, as much as I like supporting Portland. I had to get them, not because I needed another cutting board (the cork ones are doing great!), but because I love love love solid pieces of grainy wood. Maybe I can hang it up in the kitchen.

I also made a quick trip to the Home Depot today for a canvas tool apron. It was a mere 77 cents, but it was also unfortunately made in China. I plan to test out the apron while cycling for storing my wallet, cell phone and keys. Objective two was to check out their Klein Tools selection. An employee asked if I was an electrician, and I remarked that I simply liked Klein Tools canvas bags. I got a zipper pouch. Also went across the street to Marshalls for an Anchor glass measuring cup and glass container with lid. I'm trying to slowly building my BPA-free food storage collection. Besides the apron, everything I bought today was made in the USA. Woohoo!!

I'm currently reading Angel's Game by Carlos Ruiz Zafón. I definitely recommend it for a breezy summer read. It has all the catchy elements without being cheesy- intrigue, romance, drama, and book love.

Going to Dallas for Memorial Day weekend. To be honest, I never really look forward to the trip, but by the end of it, I'm always happy that we went. It is good to see my family and get to know B's family a tiny bit better. Last time, we took Mema to a highly rated on Yelp Japanese restaurant. What made it stand out were the $1 sushi specials and authentic dishes rarely seen in American Japanese places, such as okonomiyaki, ramen and oyakodon. I suspect we'll be going there again. Also, according to my brother, there is a stellar chicken and waffles joint as well. I'll report back on that. Oh, and I gotta remember to pack my sleeping pad and bag. Sadly, the guest beds at my parents' house are close to 20 years old. They are abysmally uncomfortable. Last time we tossed and turned for hours and woke up with searing neck and back aches. Not good. They may or may not be moving in the near future, so replacing those in not high on their list of priorities. We'll probably head back on Monday. Any readers up for an impromptu afternoon trip to Krause Springs or another swimming hole?

Life Less Stuff

2010-05-21T16:52:00.023-05:00

These past few weeks, I've been looking for ways to reduce my usage and tossing of stuff, particularly plastic. The reports I've read of BPA, a synthetic estrogen, being not only in plastic, but in the lining of most metal cans are frightening. We've all grown up drinking canned sodas and using tupperware. It's still too early to tell what the long term effects of having it in our systems are, but the short-term effects are definitely not good. And then I got to thinking about landfills and my personal contribution to them. It's a lot. I prefer buying things online, because I can do price comparisons. But my packages come with so much extra stuff. Why not try to reduce for the good of people who have to live near landfills and for future generations? It's a no brainer. I hate thinking that in just a few generations, we have quickly turned parts the earth into an irrevocable dump.

Our friends the Peters had just moved into their new house and decided that it would be a good time to implement changes they had been thinking about for while, such as eliminating all plastic from their kitchen and using cloth towels instead of paper towels and paper napkins. Of course, I got all revved up about it and thought of the stuff I'd go buy the next day to do the same. I realized that I would be buying more stuff, so it depends if the health risk of using plastics (and just not heating them up in the microwave) is worth continuing. I ended up snagging 5 Italian glass containers with BPA-free lids from Marshalls at a reduced price. B still uses our tupperware though. We also still have 4 fat rolls of paper towels to use up, so I have a bit of time to figure out a cheap but reliable alternative. Kitchen cloths are pricey, even at places like Walmart, so I looked in flour sack cloths and even hand towels. My friend Jocelyn pointed me to some cheaper toweling from her quilting company. I have yet to learn how to use my mini sewing machine, but if I can master finishing edges, then I'm thinking this will be the best and most enjoyable option.

Each trip to the grocery store, I pick up so much packaging, mostly plastic. I am aware that by buying less processed foods, we could reduce this. I have also stopped using those thin produce bags to separate fruits and vegs. It requires a little bit more work on the part of the checkout guy/girl, but they seem to be OK with it. The meat we buy comes in a styrofoam tray and is wrapped in plastic wrap. I don't see another alternative to this, except stop eating meat or asking the store to ask the farm to find other packaging. Because I am married to a diehard carnivore, the former is not going to happen. I pinged Wheatsville Co-op and this was their immediate response: "We package some and get some already packaged. The general consensus is that there isn't a very good quality choice for a greener package than what we're using. There are alternatives out there, but they have performance issues that concern us. Anything you buy from our full service cases are usually placed in butcher paper or can be for the most part." Hm. Well I am glad they have already looked into this.

I've been reading up on shampoo bars and the baking soda "no poo" wash. While the latter seems too intense for me, I ordered some bars from Chagrin Valley. Great name, huh? The soaps are packaged in paper, so no more plastic bottles in our shower if they work out. I've seen Dr. Bronner's bar soap mentioned as a replacement for dish soap too.

Also I did get around to getting a bucket for the cat litter so we wouldn't have to continue to collect plastic bags. I used to fake forgetting my bag just so I wouldn't get heat for bagging in plastic. Terrible, huh? So we bring our cloth bags to the store when we remember to.

I am aware that I could possibly not even need kitchen trash bags if we composted (and did not eat meat). But we do live on the 2nd floor of a house and don't have any ground space to do that. And I am grossed out by worms. One day, perhaps. It is largely dependent on if we decide to move in August. We are thinking 78704 or 78703, if we can swing it.

This blog, Life Less Plastic, has been an invaluable resource to me.

I'm trying not to stress myself out about this while I'm still figuring out what works for me and us as a couple. It also stresses me out thinking of people in general and people I know who don't care about this and continue to buy and toss. We are friends with a certain group of people we see regularly a few times a week; they don't recycle, drink HFCS, drink milk, eat conventional red meat, don't buy local, live in the suburbs- they don't embrace any of our lifestyle values. And I know it's unrealistic to stop using plastic and disposable items completely. I'm not ready to rethink toilet paper, feminine products, medical supplies, or floss just yet. Hopefully both companies and consumers will get on board and opt for greener and safer packaging. I just think the costs of rampant plastic usage, both hidden and open, are too great. Now, this isn't some personal passion of mine and I don't spend the majority of my time mulling over these issues. I know I can be a more responsible steward while figuring out how to live my life. And the real issue for me may be the 1st R: reduce. I love stuff. I love researching it, buying it, and using it. B made the point that he uses everything he buys, while I use one thing at a time and leave everything else untouched. This was in light of the new jacket I bought (it was more on sale), as if I needed any more. It's true that I tend to turn towards materialism when I am bored or anxious. Gotta work on that.

Toe Woe

2010-05-16T13:48:00.006-05:00

That is my nasty looking big toe! I dropped a 15 lb weight bar on it yesterday during a class workout. I was about to laugh it off, but soon realized that the pain was deepening quickly. I laid down and managed not to wail in front of everyone while my trainer inspected it. Eventually, someone called B to come and pick me up. They suggested that I go to the ER because it was swelling so much, but I just went home. I'm still kicking myself for having this gap in health insurance. June 1 seems so far away... Anyway, I've been icing it, but it doesn't seem to be improving much. It feels feverish and kinda feels like it's going to explode. I'll try to go to my general practitioner tomorrow and possibly get it drained (subungual hematoma), though the thought of that still makes me squeamish. X-rays are expensive, and if it's broken, you just let it heal on its own, right? I've never broken anything, and I feel like a ninny for freaking out about this. I just don't like not knowing what is going on with my body when it's hurt. So far, the Shelleys aren't doing too hot in our boot camp. B has been out because he has knee pain due to weak hamstrings and strong quads. We were going to take a running clinic to Saturday, but I that's not going to happen. I really hate being lame, literally. Going to go pop some ibuprofen.

shitmycatsruined

2010-05-11T13:30:00.016-05:00

In the spirit of Shit My Kids Ruined.

Note: I'm pretty much over all of this, because I had to for my sanity's sake. Nobody wants to be around a clean freak. Also, I very much love my cats and would be very lonely without their constant company. This is not an attempt to dissuade anyone from getting a cat. Be warned that there are some consequences, though. Like the inability to keep things nice and 100% hair free.

Hand towel.

IKEA cloth couch. We loved it so much when we saw it on display, but didn't think about putting a guard on the side until it was too late. Hence the lame tape strips, and what little is left of it. So much shredding action. The covers are quite expensive to replace too.

Moon poster (pre-framed). Somebody must've gotten bored.

Guest bed. It is their playground and main nap spot. We have to change the sheets *right* before anyone stays over, and make sure to kick the cats out of the room.

Inbox/desk. So much hair everywhere all the time! But Boyd's cuteness sorta makes it OK.

And all black clothing gets covered in hair! Thankfully, I finally convinced B to not pick up the cats before he goes to work, especially if he is wearing his black dress shirt.

Woodsport

2010-05-09T12:54:00.014-05:00

A large fault of mine is that I regularly become infatuated with consumer products that I heavily research, and it sometimes ends with me dropping way too many dollars on something that I promise to use for a lifetime. Because my tastes never change. (Wrong.) Like this kitchen knife. I drooled over it for two days, and then ordered it. It's a beautifully constructed tool, but I didn't realize how high maintenance it was until I used it. You must dry it immediately after washing, otherwise it will be corroded the next day. Lesson learned. I appreciate having two chef knives; however, my no-frills, black handled Spanish J.A. Henckels chef knife occupies the large slot in the knife block. (It is still a large step up from my old $15 stamped santoku knives that needed daily sharpening. Don't go this cheap!) Understandably, fine products take a bit of extra upkeep. Anyway, so I was going down this route with wood cutting boards. They can be such a work of art. I'd much rather hang it up than toss some raw meat on it and grind a blade against it. Then, I recalled how much fun I had building our two tables, and I decided to try my hand at making a cutting board. Get a piece of hardwood and finish it by hand. Can't be too hard, right? I bid on and won a large slab of curly black walnut wood on eBay, for $35. I got the seller to cut into 4 medium-size pieces of 14" x 9.5" x 1" before shipping it to me. If I had purchased something like that instead (4 of them), it'd probably cost at least $80.

This is the first one I sanded and finished with 3-4 coats of mineral oil. I'm still unsure whether it could serve as a cutting board, as it felt less smooth after a rinse. As I will probably give most of them away, the last thing I want to do is put anyone in danger by turning it into a bacteria pit. Bread/serving boards, perhaps?

The second slab I chose to work on still had bark on it. I know carpenters have some sort of special tool to remove it, but I had to painstakingly chip it off with a screwdriver. Whew!

Three sandings.

Halfway there. Fine sanding, then oil. Notice that little knob? It's part of the growth. But first, break. Sunday ride time!

What Seneca Said

2010-05-08T00:50:00.011-05:00

Lately, I have been experiencing an acute awareness of the shortness of life. The days are long, but the years are short, right? Things won't just figure them out. I have to make them happen. Wasted time can never be retrieved. You don't know how long you will live, even if you take extra precautions. Scary thought.

And so we, in particular, do things like watch humorous TV and action-packed movies, mindless entertainment. Heck, I just spent the last two hours in a jam-packed theater watching Iron Man 2. It was alright. Stuff like that momentarily eases the burden of life, if it's good. And if it's not, like most entertainment is, then you feel cheated.

A few days ago, we were informed that one of our good friends found out he has cancer. What a blow. To youth, health, vitality, adventure, unbridled creativity- simply, to the 70+ awesome years he is supposed to have. I'm still shocked at the news, and I can't imagine what he and his wife must feel. Like good troopers, they are keeping their heads way up, and have decided to start a blog (or two) about the life-changing journey they have just begun together. They have our support, along with the support of so many others. YOU CAN DO IT, BRANDON! (Sorry Brandon, I stole your photo above because I liked it so much. I also don't know how to resize it properly..)

On Aesthetic Trends

2010-04-16T16:46:00.015-05:00

Why do we think some pieces are supremely ugly? Will we love the way our objects look forever? Mr. de Botton brings us a certain antique shop in London, a place "where objects make a last attempt to tempt the partially sighted before they are carted off to erode in a landfill." He describes an object there, which he labels "an extremely grievous-looking item, a sideboard with bulbous wings, two bay windows, Corinthian columns and a gilt-edged mirror. Though the piece's drawers still work and the finish remains miraculously unspoilt, its price is closer to that of firewood than of furniture." It is hideous. He continues, "And yet how loved this sideboard must once have been. A maid might have run her duster over it ever few days in an ample house in Richmond or Wimbledon. For a generation, it would have proudly displayed Christmas pudding, champagne glasses..." And yet nobody will buy it. He goes on, "Finding things beautiful naturally invites us to imagine that we will remain loyal to our feelings. But the histories of design and architecture offer little reassurance as to the fidelity of our tastes. The fate of this sideboard imitates that of numberless mansions, concert halls and chairs. Our impressions of beauty continually swing between stylistic polarities: between the restrained and the exuberant; the rustic and the urban; the feminine and the masculine- leading us ruthlessly to abandon objects to expire in junk shops at every swerve."

Why? He cites early 20th century German art historian Worringer, who categorizes art into two basic types: abstract and realistic, "either one of which might, at any given time in a particular society, be favoured over the other... the determinant lay, he believed, in those values which the society in question was lacking, for it would love in art whatever it did not possess in sufficient supply within itself. Therefore, we can understand the fascination with gilded walls its flowery ornaments in the 17th century when we see the context: "one where violence and disease were constant threats, even for the wealthy." Just because we reject that style today in favor of "walls unplastered and bare, doesn't mean we are "any less deficient." Modern life, especially in America, "has become rule-bound and materially abundant, punctilious and routine," and so we design buildings that move towards "the natural and unfussy, the rough and authentic." He summarizes, "That we need art in the first place is a sign that we stand in almost permanent danger of imbalance, of failing to regulate out extremes, of losing our grip on the golden mean between life's great opposites: boredom and excitement, reason and imagination, simplicity and complexity, safety and danger, austerity and luxury. (153-157)"

How true! I think that I missed out on taking Art Theory/History in school, if this is what they talk about there. How particularly germane to the latest Americana/work fashion movement, characterized by the explosion in popularity of classic mens retailers (J. Crew, L.L. Bean), hunting/fishing gear (Filson, Duluth Pack), handmade leather goods (Billykirk), work boots (Red Wing), etc. You can see it all and more glorified in Michael Williams' blog. Modern life has become too technologically advanced and made us largely immobile, we sit in front of glowing screens all day and then sit in our cars to go home and sit in front of another screen. (Of course there are exceptions; B loves the state of technology and work and happily spends most of his life indoors.)

I've always had an inclination towards hardy, practical clothing and equipment, because of the fact that I grew up in a mundane, suburban environment where I would never need to use such things. So it makes them seem romantic. This is precisely why I go hiking and camping. Not because I am intrinsically drawn towards stumbling over rocky paths, reeking like smoke, being terrorized by insects, and using inconvenient cooking methods. But by willingly engaging in these uncomfortable activities, I feel different and somehow more alive. Some might say I feel a "connection with the nature," which is exactly what much of our society has lost. But really, only the rich and privileged have the luxury of assuaging their anxieties through accumulation of goods that match the lifestyle they lack.

de Botton, Alain. The Architecture of Happiness. New York: Vintage International, Random House, Inc., 2006

The Architecture of Happiness

2010-04-15T23:02:00.017-05:00

With all this renewed interest in design and architecture, I decided to pick up Alain de Botton's The Architecture of Happiness and give it another go. Whereas last time I had to tediously reread pages at a time because I kept seeing strings of words and not useful ideas, this time his messages were as clear as day. He has the rare gift of elucidating vague feelings and notions which we have always perceived in the background, but never fully identified. For the past year or so, I have purposefully shunned design, because after being inundated with exposure to such sites as FFFFound, Cool Hunting, Design*Sponge, to name a few, I was sick of it all. Tired of the modern, sleek, futuristic, sterile, mid-century modern... the whimsical, flowery, DIY, shabby-chic. I felt like the target of a huge marketing scheme masked as the lofty preoccupations of people who have good taste. I didn't see any point to objects beyond the functional and practical anymore. (But sometimes, that is what makes some objects all the more stunning, is it not? My weakness for expensive kitchen knives is an example of this.) I stopped trying to slowly collect affordable pieces of what I considered well-designed artwork and furnishings. And I felt slightly poisoned each time I had to enter into an ugly building or use an ugly object, both of which can't be escaped if you live in America. It was a gray time as I closed off one part of myself. In this extended effort to disregard design, I forgot how it inexplicably good it could make me feel. How it is not vain to want to live in a beautifully constructed home. How you can read so much meaning into a line, curve, shape, or color. How you can surround yourself with things whose designs echo your philosophy. This book woke me up to that, and for that I'm thankful. (However, I will always find it difficult to shield my personal taste from current trends and materialistic temptations, and I admire others who can tune out those other voices.) Architects today indeed have a noble task: to build something that will not only provide adequate shelter, but convey a modern message that resonates with the people who will interact with it.

"What we search for in a work of architecture is not in the end so far from what we search for in a friend. The objects we describe as beautiful are versions of the people we love." (p. 88)

Check out this interview with NPR.

Small Space, Good Space

2010-04-13T14:38:00.045-05:00

No 30-year mortgage for me, please

For the past few days I have buried myself in house research. It's not that we can afford to purchase one anytime soon, but I've suddenly grown a deep interest in matters of house design and mortgages. Probably has to do with the fact that some of our friends recently purchased new houses, which got me thinking about the financial aspect of it. I'm certain that I do not want to go the route of a $150,000+ 2/1 or 2/2 house, standard 30-year mortgage, sizable down payment. We'd also have to work our butts off to make sure our credit is good enough for a decent interest rate. Sure, it's part of the American Dream to own your own spacious house, but I don't like the idea of being in such great debt for most of my adult life. Even if it means not being able to amass a collection of mid-century modern furniture, limited run prints, a solid set of All-Clad pots/pans, a Kitchenaid stand mixer, fancy lighting, and all that DWR/CB2/IKEA jazz. Basically, trying to convince myself and visitors that I am cultured and have good taste. Apartment Therapy? Did you know that with interest factored in, you end up paying 2-3x the original amount after all is said and done? What could be done with all that extra money? I can think of a few things: traveling, saving up for future kids' college funds, investing, working less, retiring early. But is there a way out? I've been googling "house cheaper alternative," but haven't gotten many good results. Houseboats looked promising, but after looking at some real estate prices in Portland and Marin County, it looks as though houseboats are not a cheaper alternative, at least in America. Trailers definitely are, but there's still a trashy element to them (only by stereotype), not to mention that they would be unsafe in very inclement weather. As much as I love (receiving doughnuts and other desserts from) shiny Airstreams, I couldn't see us and our two cats residing in one. And then renting for our whole lives wouldn't make that much sense either, as we would own nothing in the end.

Austin homes

There are about four types of houses you can get in these parts, from observation: old (pre-1950's), cookie-cutter suburban, new-ish bland (1950-2000), and new modern (2000-present). I'm sure there are more official terms, but whatever. I definitely prefer old and new modern the most, but as I have lived in old front-porched houses for the past few years, I can attest to their poor insulation and general dilapidation. And it's nearly impossible to make a house that old look really clean with their aged stains and worn surfaces, short of remodeling. They've got a laid-back, dirty charm, which I've had more than my fill of. So then there's new modern. Those boxy, slanted, multi-paneled, giant-windowed, and sometimes moody structures. They really give off the sense of the faraway future. I think people are drawn towards them because they are such a radical departure from what we as a culture are used to categorizing as a house- closed rooms, aligned windows, brick, wood, 3d rectangle convention. If aliens studied Earth buildings and then looked at an array of modern homes, they might get a little confused, right? Anyway, as dashing as these are, they are also a pretty penny. At more than $200 per square foot, only the wealthy could afford them, while poorer admirers and experts adore or criticize. After all, it's a look, and there doesn't have to be any practical design anywhere. They may also have a tendency towards gloomy, anti-human feeling. Definite risk. On a side note, I think there should be more modern public buildings built, so that everyone can experience non-humdrum architecture and design. Spaces really do affect the way we feel.

Another take

One house trend that has really caught my eye is tiny houses. As I tend towards minimalism and am a believer in owning less stuff, this concept is still a challenge to wrap my head around. One company at the movement's forefront, Tumbleweed Houses, makes houses that range from 65-140 square feet, in the "teeny house" category. That is really small. Most homeowners' master bedroom closets or bathrooms engulf that space. What intrigues me about this is the efficient design of such a small space. The largest model in that category, the Fencl, at 130 square feet, has a loft bedroom, bathroom, full-size shower, sitting room, kitchen, and plenty of shelving. That's not to say that you can own the same amount of stuff as the next American. But it is the definition of frugal living, as utility bills are next to zero, and maintenance costs are low, which makes it very green. Another argument for tiny home living is that it encourages you to go outside and build a community and do other things that really matter. Personally, I have always been the type to hole up in my room out of comfort, but that doesn't allow me to accomplish much. And in such a small place, you won't have to worry much about how to arrange the furniture, and what looks good where, because you won't even really have movable furniture. It might just be me, but I abhor that task when moving in to a new place, since I'd rather there just be an obvious place for everything. But in general, you must change the way you think about house design and day to day living. Here's an article about a Portlander who downsized to a Tumbleweed tiny house. Of course, there are a few major drawbacks to this sort of tiny house. Mainly, that we wouldn't go for woodsy Americana architecture in a house. Here's a beach version that I adore. And we probably would not want to live in a portable trailer, since we don't have a desire to tow it around different places. And the pricing is somewhat skewed at $400+ per square foot. And, if/when we want to have kids in the far future, what then? It would definitely get crowded. And really, is it simply too small? To be honest, this is the house I would live in if I was sure I was never going to have a family, and if I was more serious about having less of an impact on the Earth's resources.

Essentials

What if we made this lifestyle change to live in a small space? Could I part with most of my belongings? Last weekend I devoted an afternoon to decluttering our shelves and closets. The result was a bag of clothing headed for Goodwill, and several bags of trash. In general, we try to keep the stuff level down, as we are prepared to move each year. I started thinking, what is the shortest list I could make for personal belongings I could pare down to...

- Personal diaries, from 2002-2010

- Wedding photo albums (2)

- Small file cabinet of personal documents

- Pilot and Uni-ball rolling ball ink pens

- 2 cameras: Canon Rebel G, Fujifilm Instax; and a box of film

- My hand-sewn pillow

- Mandolin

- Nalgene (Screw that! Klean Kanteen!)

- iMac

- Backup hard drive

- 10 favorite books: A Prayer for Owen Meany, The World According to Garp, Persepolis, His Dark Materials Trilogy, In Cold Blood, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Les Miserables, Slaughterhouse-Five

- Furminator

- Kitchen stuffs (I need a lot here): New West Knifeworks chef knife, small cutting board, 2 baking sheets, Silpat, rice cooker, shears, set of 4 Corningware dishes and plates, 9" nonstick square baking pan, 15" Pyrex pan, pie pan, silicone spatula, bamboo spatula, 12" nonstick pan, 2 Cuisinart stainless steel pots with lids (1.5 and 3.5 quart), medium IKEA stainless steel mixing bowl, large IKEA stainless steel mixing bowl, plastic colander, a few favorite mugs, recipe folder

- Camping equipment: backpacking tent, down sleeping bag, head lamp, camp towel, MSR stove, pot/pan set, Golite backpack

- Clothing: 10 shirts, 2 jeans, 2 shorts, black leggings, 10 socks, 10 undies, 2 wool sweaters, a few dresses, wool jacket, Patagonia rain jacket, Marmot wind jacket, Vibram Five Fingers, Vans Authentic

- Bags: a few cotton totes for groceries, Beckel Canvas duffle, Domke camera bag

- Bike

That's it! I think B would not like the idea of even making such a list, as he loves his books. But I have promised him walls of shelves.

In short, I love the idea of a tiny house, but I am looking for slightly larger, more modern options with a foundation. It might also be a problem of zoning laws/ building permits, and how rooms have to be above a certain size. The solution is a trade-off between size and privacy. Would you live in a place without closed-off rooms? Currently, we live in an upstairs duplex at around 800 square feet, built circa 1920. Any larger and I would get fed up with cleaning, but I could see us going smaller, albeit it would mean letting go of our newly acquired IKEA furniture. We could do it, though. I am an amateur in house design, and the more I tool around in Google SketchUp, the more I see why people go to school to study this field. I am eager to see the development and direction of home ownership in the next few years, as more and more people downsize and think outside of the American Dream, taking hints from European housing. It's a huge step in simplifying your life so you can do the things you love to do.

Latest Makes

2010-04-01T22:33:00.020-05:00

What's been going on these past two weeks? Besides getting really sick of SXSW and bad sound mixes, and not really wanting to participate another year, I've been waiting patiently on The Company to get back to me about the internship, which happens to start in May. Can't say I've been job searching very heavily, since I've got my mind set on that position. I'm also looking into volunteer opportunities around town. Something flexible that I can reduce or break off once I get a job. I'm gonna talk to the guys at Space12 next week (did you know that B came up with the name?). I've also been doing 99% of the cooking as of late. As I mentioned before, I like baking, not cooking. To me, there is too much margin of error in that, and I really hate to fail and waste ingredients. But it's been good for me to get more practice. Cooking is actually one of B's hobbies, but he'd much rather have a hot meal ready for him when he gets home from a long day at work. Some of the new recipes I've tried have let us down, but I also have the tendency to use a recipe as a guideline and botch it. I'm still familiarizing myself with different spices, as I bought bay leaves and paprika for the first time last week. Also, B is a really discerning taster and loves flavor and robustness in his food. I grew up eating a lot of stirfried and steamed dishes, all prepared with minimal amounts of oil and salt. Finding a good compromise is key. I think I should keep a little log of what I make, so that I will make better versions of recipes each time.

Tonight, after zoning out in front of the telly with a chocolate toffee bar and vinegar and salt chips, I saw that the clock read 7:20 and rushed to find a meaty recipe for dinner. Since yesterday, after a trip to Natural Grocer (meat and dry goods) and Wheatsville (veggies), I spent an hour preparing a chard pie (recipe from Everyday Food). It looked easy enough- saute diced onions, chard stem and garlic, remove from heat, add parmesan cheese, lemon juice, salt, and a bit of flour, make a crust out of flour, olive oil and water. When I informed B of my project, he balked and reminded me that he is not into vegetarian meals. So, I froze it for later. This is what it should look like.

source: The Everyday Food blog

I googled "ground beef recipe" and settled on this Shepherd's Pie recipe by Paula Deen. I usually don't follow anything created by the Queen of Butter, but it looked pretty easy and not disgustingly fatty. Instead of 2 cans of tomatoes (that's a lot!), I used a few teaspoons of concentrated tomato paste from Mandola's. I also substituted sweet potato for regular potato, since it is much more nutritious. It was the first time that I had boiled a potato unwhole (it loses a good deal of its nutrients that way), but I was on a time crunch. I also had no milk or sour cream. Usually we have some alternative milk lying around in the fridge, but all we had was oat milk, and it had 19 grams of sugar per serving. I've learned my lesson from using sweetened milks in savory dishes- don't do it! The mixed vegetables I put in with the beef to cook together. I tried to make it a good meat to everything else ratio, since B nearly threw a fit the last time I made a coconut curry that was too heavy on the potatoes, carrots, and onion. (To be fair, it was the first time I had made a dish in our crock pot, and the recipe was written by a white person and did not taste anything like Thai curry.) The biscuit on the top took some extra time to cook all the way through, so by the time it was done, B's stomach was grumbling. He loved it! He said it was the best thing I had ever cooked, and that I should stick to English/European foods. Ha! The way to his bellyheart is through lots of meat, butter, salt, and bread. I'm all for delighting your basest taste buds, but I also want us both to live a long life together. All in all, I'm happy that my second try cooking meat "pies" had a good ending, as opposed to the first. This is what it looked like.

source: boydknife flickr

I also picked up a package of phyllo dough at the store, since we had a bit more left in our budget for the week. A well-made baklava is delectable, and I wanted to see what I could do with those flaky sheets. Using the pear recipe at the bottom as a guide, I had an old Fuji apple lying around that I wanted to use to make apple triangles. Unfortunately for me, it wasn't after I had peeled it that I chopped it up and found a bad core. Luckily, I had half a bag of frozen peaches that I defrosted, diced, and tossed in a pan with a handful of sugar and cinnamon. The phyllo dough itself was more of a challenge to handle. The box said to defrost it by leaving in the fridge overnight, but I didn't want to defrost the whole roll, yet it was too hard and fragile to peel off any layers. Other recipes said to put a damp towel over the layers you weren't using, as the dough dries out very quickly. Thanks to Alton Brown (video), I learned that I could throw it in the microwave for 60 seconds and forget about the paper towel- just work speedily. Also, that you can't use regular melted butter with phyllo dough, you have to boil the water out until it is clarified. I let it sit too long on the stove as I was running around the kitchen, so it became browned butter, but that has a nice nutty taste anyway. Some of my layers ripped as I pulled them apart, and it was not the prettiest dessert. I layered 7-10 sheets with butter drizzled in between each one, then I spooned the peach mixture on one end and folded them up. The triangles looked sorta like this (pre-baked).

source: about.com greek food

B also thought these were very tasty. The filling was quite tart, as I did not add that much sugar, but I just sprinkled some powdered sugar on the finished product. He was impressed with all those flaky layers of crust, but it wasn't any of my doing. It was rather labor intensive, but I aim to try for a savory meat filling next time.

I purchased the book Green Smoothie Revolution and a Oster blender in my last Amazon order. Green smoothies are a growing raw/health food trend. Basically, you make a fruit smoothie and add some leafy greens to it, since the latter is chock full of good things for your body. Americans don't eat enough greens, and even when having a salad, you don't chew it enough to release all the nutrients. In a green smoothie, start off with a heavy fruit to greens ratio, and then work your way up to making it 60/40. In principle, I love it. I have grown to despise the taste of most raw leafy vegetables, but I know I should eat them. Somehow. And this may be it. My first few tries to make a green smoothie were, shall we say, less than desirable. B served as one of my guinea pigs, and he eagerly explained to me what was wrong with each of them. The oranges were too pulpy so you had to chew each bite, blended lettuce tastes gross, raspberry seeds are annoying in a drink, I gotta peel the apple, add ice to make it cold, etc. We finished them both but I could not bring myself to make a third. I even ordered one from a raw food restaurant in town (so expensive!), and also did not love it. But it was much better because they are supposed to be made in 1000+ watt blenders, like the Vita-Mix, which are $300-500. Not only does it make a truly smooth drink, these powerful blenders supposedly break down cell walls to make the nutrients more easily digested. Additionally, you are not supposed to eat any food with this smoothie, and you are not to eat for 40 minutes after you consume it for efficient digestion. I don't have hundreds of dollars just lying around, but I am thinking about saving up for a Vita-Mix as an investment in our health. Here's what my first green smoothie looked like.

Ain't no one gonna turn me 'round

2010-03-18T12:16:00.007-05:00

img source

Alex Chilton, lead singer of the original power pop band, Big Star, passed away today. When I was really getting into music, around the end of of junior high and beginning of high school, all I listened to was 90's British trad rock (Travis, Embrace, early Coldplay), 90's American power pop (Weezer Ozma, Phantom Planet) and early indie rock (Death Cab and Barsuk friends). I loved the new, and couldn't understand why anyone thought oldies were "goodies." Then I fell upon Big Star, and they opened up the entire pre-90's soundscape for me. I still think some of their tunes belong to the catchiest songs ever written group. Their tender teenage love song "Thirteen" has been covered by the likes of Elliott Smith and Jeff Tweedy. And from then on, I went on to devour the Beatles, the Byrds, ELO.. Thanks, Alex. Wish you could've played in Austin this Saturday.

Damn! Just found out that he had no health insurance.

J x Jwest

2010-03-17T16:11:00.006-05:00

So..... today I delivered the second punch of the custom food campaign for my application: cookies made by Polkadots. They made them in two days and even threw in two free cookies for good luck. And, I had to tack on a leprechaun cookie in the spirit of today. I dropped the box off at the receptionist's desk, asking her to please deliver it for me since I already saw the recruiting team yesterday, and drove off. Before I even arrived back home, I got an e-mail from the head recruiter exclaiming "THANKS FOR THE COOKIES" and "I've set up a personal interview with you on Friday at 9:30 AM." What can I say, guerrilla marketing for job applications really works!! I'm definitely not the perfect applicant for this internship (no business degree, sadly), but hopefully my enthusiasm for the company and initiative will show through. In the meantime, I'm sending out messages trying to bulk up my profile on LinkedIn, since I have finally accepted the tool as a big player in the recruiting industry. It's a real shame I didn't take advantage of the connections I had while I was still employed at my previous company, so it's catch up time.

Job X Jobless

2010-03-16T15:09:00.008-05:00

Ha, OK that was a terrible word play on SXSW. The craze is happening all this week. Strangely enough, I am hardly excited about all the hubbub. Still pretty scarred from the frenetic running around and heat exhaustion from participating last year. Maybe I'm just 24 going on 40. Sure feels like it. The largest motivation for me to check things out is to be able to check in on Gowalla and earn cutely-designed badges and items, and to possibly win prizes. It's a new location-based smartphone app that not only launched at Interactive this year, but won the best mobile web award. I resisted at first, but gave in to increased iPhone fiddlin' to keep up with B.

How's my job search going? Despite my cookie-cutter cover letters (man, they get so hard to write with enthusiasm after a while), I've had a few phone interviews, one in-person interview (at the tallest building in Austin! beautiful!), and another one coming up this week. Funny thing is, I completely guessed during an accounting job test and thought I failed, but I got called back! Really gotta cram for that meeting since I have no actual accounting experience. Regarding the last post, I finally got a polite reply back, stating that they hired a marketing manager a few weeks ago who was taking care of that, and a link to Facebook's job openings in town. Ha. Anyways, things are heating up a bit for me, so I am also lending a huge hand in the job search for B. I made it my personal goal to help him land an interview at this awesome company in town, employing the creative tactic of ordering and delivering a giant 30" pizza from Arpeggios with a custom message written with black olives. Of course, he submitted a stellar cover letter the night before. I started having reservations about it this morning, right before I was to pick up the pizza, but it turned out to be a huge hit! They loved it and were especially floored by the size of the pizza (the box took over the entire coffee table), telling me they were going to give him a call today. I shot a short video of the HR Department's response below. Now, all we do is wait. I had a second part/bribe planned, but since he has already gotten their full attention, I can use it for my own application for an internship there. : )

"Bermuda" - Kisses
source: iguessimfloating
"Candy in the Kitchen" - Blair
source: you aint no picasso

Steppin' Out

2010-03-06T20:17:00.004-06:00

I just wrote a very long e-mail to my managers at my previous company trying to get them to create a new position and hire me to fill that role. I'm not used to putting myself out there by throwing out ideas and new ways of doing things, so it was good practice. Whatever comes out of it, it was the most engaging fun I'd had in a long time composing an e-mail.

Hi xxx and xxx,

How's it going? I'm doing pretty well, just figuring out what my next career moves are going to be. With that said, I have a business proposal for [Company]. I wanted to run it by you guys via email first. So, I'm sure you've noticed that most successful smaller and upcoming companies these days have a large presence in social media. It's all about live updates and relevant/ interesting news. And it looks like [Company] has caught wind of this, as evidence by the Facebook page and Twitter account. However, the majority of the 22 "fans" on Facebook already work for the company or are related to an employee. And the Twitter account is hardly active and more importantly, has a whopping zero followers. To me, it seems like this online promotion is more of an afterthought delegated to people who are up to their necks doing their actual jobs (i.e. xxxx, xxxx). Perhaps the sales team is already doing a good job bringing in new customers. But when asked about my previous job there, absolutely nobody had heard of [Company]. Besides word of mouth, the next best way to promote a company is via social media marketing. [Company] has earned some very prestigious honors from Oracle, and that is something that needs to be promoted more heavily, ie not preaching to the choir. Chances are competitors aren't doing much in this realm, and if they are, it's all the more urgent to catch up.

One company that is a great model of this is Bazaarvoice. They are a small to medium-sized startup, and yet they were named Austin's Best Company to Work for in 2009. They manage reviews for online companies, such as Overstock.com and Walmart, and they are extremely good at what they do. They have a very active Twitter account, 3675 followers, and tweet constantly when their company is mentioned in the media. I hear from friends who work there that people are just clamoring to apply, because of all the great buzz. If [Company] is so awesome at what they do (unique business model) and also wants to attract top talent, it needs to get the word out.

A few recommendations:
1. Amp up the Facebook page. Interact with client pages on Facebook and look for cross-promotion opportunities.
2. Tweet daily. Good subject matter includes company news, industry news, Oracle tips, @replies or retweets of relevant client tweets.
3. Start a company blog. Develop a focus, such as Oracle EBS implementation issues, SME's or whatever. From what I saw, all this dialogue and communication goes on over the phone and work emails between consultants, PMs and clients, so this useful knowledge publicly displayed would act as evidence that [Company] knows what it's doing. Consultants spend all their time doing their jobs well, and it would be helpful to have someone else get insights on their experience and also opinions on industry trends. Also, find related blogs and comment on them frequently.
4. Build the LinkedIn Profile. Get happy clients to exchange recommendations. Provide a blog update box for recent blog posts. Add a news box as well.
5. Start a Flickr and post company photos on it. One of my main hobbies is photography, and I would be willing to snap photos at events and gatherings. People like browsing photos to see that employees are enjoying themselves, and thus, the company is great to work for. Examples: Twitter's flickr, Bazaarvoice's flickr. Tied to this would be a strong push for the HR department to develop more team building and quality of life events, which stands out all the more during a recession.

Those are just a few suggestions, and I have plenty more ideas. If this is something [Company] is interested in pursuing, please consider me as the person most qualified for this job. To be blunt, during downtime in my previous role at [Company], I spent most of it blogging, reading blogs, checking Twitter, Facebook, Yelp, other review sites, etc., so this is second nature to me. Most companies successful in this endeavor have at least one full-time employee dedicated to this. I look forward to hearing your reply.

Thanks for your time and consideration,
Me

Other People Are Neat

2010-02-26T14:41:00.006-06:00

Write less, learn/laugh/feel more. Links today:

10 Reasons to Avoid Talking on the Phone

On Colleagues (vs Friends)

Hmong Veterans of the CIA's "Secret War"

Pretending to be Christian in Texas

"World Sick" - Broken Social Scene

Facing SXSW 2010

2010-02-26T01:14:00.012-06:00

I really hope that I'm not still unemployed come SXSW (March 16-21), but I'll go ahead and prepare for the worst. Been downloading mp3s of tons of new and smaller bands I have not heard of, per show lineups. See my picks below. I haven't seen too many big names yet, 'cept for The xx, jj, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart. Seeing TPOBPAT last year was more than enough for me, and I've warmed up to 2 songs of The xx, thanks to the Olympics. It seems like it is more about seeing as many hot bands as you can, and then bragging later to your friends and/or over the Internet about how you were at all the "it" places. Or maybe that's my tainted, hipster-informed perception. With too many places to be and too many bands to see, it can easily become a consumption race. B and I are both pretty much over live music since we have no desire to stand among crowds of strangers waiting for delayed performances that are probably poorly mixed anyway. But I can't get over how big SXSW is in this town, and I can't help but get infected by the buzz and participate. One roadblock is that for half of the free parties I come across, you have to RSVP on Facebook. Vom.

The darling Gorilla vs. Bear flyer (click for larger):

The xx - Night Time
(source: creamteam)
Avi Buffalo - What's It In For
(source: laisthenewny)
Bear in Heaven - You Do You
(source: tympanogram)

Alain de Botton

2010-02-25T13:36:00.018-06:00

I like this particular Brit. His books are interesting, his tweets lightly thought-provoking (as tweets should be), his Monocle contributions worthwhile. Who is Alain de Botton? I'm still finding out. He's somewhere in between a scholar, psychologist, and a regular guy, something of a well-read self-help sage. Someone who is endlessly curious about the world and how to live, and who presents information in a neat and easily digested form. I enjoyed his book The Art of Travel, if only to be comforted by the fact that I am not the only one who painfully longs to be in a vague, unfamiliar, mysterious place other than where I always am. With titles like The Architecture of Happiness and The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work, how could you resist? This article reports on his response towards a disapproving reviewer of his latest book- he sounds so darn eloquent when "losing his temper"! He had a hand in starting The School of Life, a non-traditional institution offering humanities classes on how to live life better. Here's their blog. As someone who struggles with alienation, I appreciated this lite post about feeling down. Their teachings are attractive to someone like me: thinking about things occasionally, but not terribly deeply, and not interested in delving into scientific and theoretical minutae behind ideas. People with active minds who need a soft kick in the pants to help them contemplate matters of weightier importance. Recent tweets:

"If we let the true impact of events resonate, we'd need hours to process minutes." This truth has always terrified my perfectionist self. It is impossible for us to ever fully experience everything that comes our way, and I feel very bad about that. About missing out on gaining new depths and learning new lessons. The problem with that is that it gets in the way of trying and actually doing.

"Even if we learn from our mistakes, life is continually too new and uncharted for us (me) to avoid outright idiocy on a regular basis." I love this tweet. I live in a constant fear that I am far too behind on maturity and wisdom, and that other (maybe older) people have their shit together. It helps to have a reminder that we're all pretty much bumbling through life, sans rehearsal, and that it's crucial to have a humorous attitude about it all.

From Erin's Etsy:

For more of this set, check out Flickr.

"Acts of Man" - Midlake

To the Order of Night

2010-02-23T23:26:00.011-06:00

Slaughterhouse 90201 is one of my favorite new blogs, which is saying something, since I am loathe to add blogs to my daily perusal list. I've been trying to pick up books again, and these finely paired quotes and shows help me on my way. There's an unmatched greatness to being able to say exactly what you want to say in a novel, succinct and readable way. Even though I watch way more (trash) TV these days, I still don't recognize most of these shows. It's worth it to keep scrolling and 'next-ing' until I find one I understand and appreciate. Then I end up googling the book and then probably adding it to my Goodreads to-read list.

Another blog I fell upon today is this one. Dunno who the dude is, just a young guy with brainy and somewhat cynical posts. This post of his berating work-eschewers resonated with me because of his last remark. "Let's be frank: life is defined by how much you do, how often you took the difficult road and were rewarded for it. It is not, and will never be, improved by how much you avoid and scheme and congratulate." Doing isn't the issue for me, it's deciding what to do that leaves me stumped.

Been watching a lot of dance lately. On MTV's America's Best Dance Crew, the Olympics Ice Dancing, at the AFED art auction, and this local video:

Which is odd for me, as I've never been into that type of performance. I'm don't listen to hip-hop/R&B/rap, and nor do I particularly enjoy the times that I hear it on the radio at the store or in a friend's car. Their music videos have always struck me as oversexed and overly glamorous. Plus, the whole cultural hipness factor bothers me; telling the world that you are so cool seems so directly stupid. Subtlety and humility go a long way. Anyways, it may be that my criticisms stem from a personal lack of coordination and knowledge of how to express myself through body movement. The golden years for that were at the end of college and pre-B; my gang and I would go out multiple times a week to whatever bar off Red River was the current place to be and dance all night long. Not that I was any good, but the free-flowing alcohol and crowds of sweaty bodies that gave me a buffer of anonymity loosened me up. My girl friends were much better dancers, as they probably practiced moves in front of floor-length mirrors growing up. I did no such thing, as the sight of my body and of it trying to move scared the heck out of me. It still does, which makes me marvel all the more at people who move gracefully and skillfully (ballet, figure skating, modern dance), or explosively and in sync (street dance, hip-hop, jazz). I see that it takes so much talent and a certain spark, when I look past my feelings about its cultural or artistic connotations.

Another RyanHoliday post of note, entitled "Imaginary Audience," relevant to social media. I have this tenuous, uncomfortable relationship with Twitter, and I haven't quite decided how I feel about using it yet. NOTE: I like to post things that are personally fun and challenging to think about. I don't agree with all of this guy's views (i.e. other posts), and I don't have an opinion about everything he says. Silence doesn't necessarily imply assent. Sorry for any confusion.

Still Coasting

2010-02-17T15:49:00.013-06:00

Feeling pretty directionless with so little structure in my day. You can't look for jobs for 8 hours, or even 1. I would like to start working again, if only to keep myself busy. Can't seem to make it funemployment at all. Today I tried this gorgeous looking recipe, and failed horribly. Basically, I killed the yeast because I didn't follow the instructions in the right order. I hate wasting good ingredients.. darn you, temperamental yeast. You and sticky messy dough are the reason I stay away from making breads. I'm not into accumulating flashy kitchen equipment, but this makes me put the ubiquitous Kitchenaid stand mixer on my wish list.

B and I drove to Dallas last weekend with Sam for Chinese New Year. We got to lunch with Mema at Jeng Chi, a Lee family favorite. She was a good sport and tried all the various dumplings, and seemed like she enjoyed the meal. It's always kind of a challenge taking her places, because she is not very mobile and uses a folding walker to get around. And she usually has trouble getting into our low, sporty car. I can't even imagine being so physically restricted, but she has a great attitude. B and I visit her each time we go back to Dallas, as she is so dear to us. Even though I've still got my priorities to sort out, I can't help but admire a woman who has such a big heart. She is 80, but she is super open-minded; B is trying to convince her to get an iPad when it comes out.

For holidays and birthdays, our family in Dallas always gets together for a potluck dinner. The 3 sisters, my cousins, recently bought a house near ours in Plano, and we gathered there. B gets along well with my extended family, although sometimes I feel that he wishes they were a bit more rambunctious. Or drank more. A Chinese New Year tradition is to give or get red bags (red envelopes with cash). Kids get them, parents and grandparents and their older friends give them. I was not expecting anything, since when you get married, you're no longer in the kid category, but we were pleasantly surprised. We all said the standard phrase "gong xi fa cai" to our grandmas and they gave us red bags, B included. He only knew the Cantonese version, but he did better than the other white guy (cousin's boyfriend). My cousin J broke out the board games, and we spent the rest of the night sipping wine and playing Sequence, Rummikub, and poker. Even though we both had off on Monday, we left Sunday night so Sam could get some work done for class the next day. We spent the car ride listening to various Radio Lab podcasts, including a mind-boggling speech talk about the multiverse. It's like swiss cheese, where both the holes (universes) and the cheese meat (space) are ever-expanding...

B and I are visiting some friends in San Francisco next weekend. It always helps to have something to look forward to for getting through the day/week/month/etc. B applied for a job at Twitter (so did I, rejected), which is located there. We shall see. I never keep my hopes up, because they inevitably get dashed.

I changed my website banner. I didn't realize I could use a photo. I guess banners are not supposed to be that large or long, but I sorta like it like that. The photo came from my first roll of 35mm film developed on my Canon SLR. Not only that, I scanned it with a crappy 3-in-1 printer. Gave it a real aged, yellowed look. I no longer have that scanner, since the scan quality was so unacceptable, and personal printers are somewhat hellish to maintain. And well, I just have not been taking any photos lately. Everything seems old in this town. Old and seen. The only real new factor in this town is probably the crazy number of food trailers that keep springing up each week, it seems like. Not just in Airstreams anymore, but even in industrial shipping containers. I've realized that the besides dishes with tons of butter in them, I don't actually have any favorite foods or restaurants. What makes eating fun for me is novelty and good companions. Although I like to bake, I usually don't crave foods I can make myself. It's all about the mystery.

New: Balmorhea - Bowspirit
Surfer Blood - Swim

(mp3 sources: knox road, daily rind)

i believe in everyone

2010-02-03T16:47:00.009-06:00

The elven harpist/songwriter Joanna Newsom finally emerges after the mystical haze left by her last masterpiece in 2006, Ys, has long settled. I was so completely enamored with it at the time that I managed to write an entire paper about it in my Western European Philosophy class. All I really wanted to do was pass the class and introduce her otherworldly compositions to another intelligent person. I even forced my poor brother to sit through one of the song, the twelve minute one, I think. It was a very good album, and challenging at times, but we're the type of people to automatically dislike something when other people try in earnest to convince us it is good. So sorry, Samuel. But apparently it didn't turn him off completely to her, thank god, as he was my informant about her new album. Fun fact: her cousin, Gavin Newsom, is the mayor of San Francisco. Weird fact: last I heard, she was dating funnyguy Andy Samberg. She looked better with Bill Callahan.. I was lucky to see both of them perform a few years ago at The Parish, a strong two-in-one.

'81

(mp3 source)

i found a little plot of land
in the Garden of Eden
it was dirt and dirt is all
the same
i tilled it with my two hands
and i called it
my very own
there was no one to dispute
my claim

well, you'd be shocked at the state of things:
the whole place had just cleared right out
it was hot as hell, so i lay me by the spring
for a spell, as naked as a trout

the wandering eye that i have caught
is as hot as a wandering sun
but i would want for nothing more
in my garden; start again
in the hardening to every heart but one

meet me in the Garden
of Eden
bring a friend
we are gonna have ourselves a time
we are gonna have a golden party
it's on me
no siree, it's my dime

we broke our hearts in the war between
St. George and the dragon,
but both in equal parts are welcome
to come along
i'm inviting everyone

farewell, two loves that i have known
even muddied as waters run
tell me, what is meant by sittin' alone
in a garden, seceded
from the Union in the year of '81?

the unending amends you made
are enough for one life; be done
i believe in innocence, little darlin'; start again
i believe in everyone

i believe, regardless
i believe in everyone

(lyrics source: stereogum)

Mad Men and Women

2010-01-27T11:59:00.020-06:00

(source)

Been slodging through Mad Men seasons 1 and 2 these past few weeks, unemployment style. 3 years late, yes. It usually happens like this: people won't stop blabbing about something and it annoys the heck out of me for months, even years. Then I forget about being irritated and in one bored moment, pick it up and can't put it down. The characters are utterly fascinating, even though I pretty much despise all of them by now. Even so, I have to keep watching. And the protagonist, Don Draper is 200% man. He exudes a swooning masculinity from the bygone era of the 1960's. (Albeit, an era where women were constantly sexually harrassed in the workplace by today's standards, blacks could only be elevator bellhops and maids, and copy machines were a brand new invention.) He is the creative director and partner of an advertising firm on Madison Avenue, so his professional persona is spotless. Don is the type of sleek, driven, no-bullshit man who will easily rise up in the ranks of management. Additionally, he is a scumbag serial cheater with very serious emotional issues that prevent him from letting anyone in. Because of his complexity and flaws, you can't help but be hooked in to discover the shady past underneath his cool exterior, and observe how he handles each day as his life starts to fall apart.

(source)

His model-esque wife, Betty, is gorgeous, wholesome, and frustratingly shallow, as her life revolves around acting like the perfect housewife. Like everyone else in the show, there is a dark side: she is a terrible mother who not only smokes and drinks constantly (well, everyone in the show does that), but has the emotional maturity of a small child. She is depressed and bored, and goes to a shrink that barely utters a word besides "tell me more." How else could you be if all you did was watch your kids, clean, watch TV, stay in all day, and occasionally get dolled up to go out as the eye candy hanging off Don's arm? She is aware that there must be more to life than that, but what? According to social expectations, her life purpose is complete: she was pretty enough to snag a handsome rich man who gave her babies and a cushy household. You can't help but flinch whenever she attacks tired old Don for petty grievances, or even major ones, because she only expresses her upset through pouting and throwing fits. Unlike Don, Betty is not a master at manipulating others or putting on a composed face. Unfairly, thus she is not as likeable as Don, which is a shame, because she is just as enslaved to a societal ideal.

(source)

Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I am much more drawn towards the female characters in the show, as they face struggles that have mostly been defeated today. [Spoiler alerts! Stop reading here.] Peggy Olson, the fresh-faced secretary from a small town, starts off working for Don. After being hit on by most of her rowdy male coworkers, she realizes that being sweet and modest won't cut it in such a crude environment. She succumbs to the advances of a particularly slimy account executive, only to find that no goodwill or want of a relationship follows his lust. She refuses to dress in a way that flaunts her body, unlike the rest of the women in the office, who are all in secretarial positions. Peggy tends to speak her mind, even when it gets her in trouble, and she comes off as stiff. Even Joan, the curvy red-headed bombshell office manager, cannot convince her to "be a woman, not a man" to get ahead in the office. But Peggy's unflinching resolve lands her a job as a junior copywriter, when she speaks her mind to a client about their product and they like what she says because it stands out from the rest. She goes on to gain a position on a creative team as the only woman and often shows up her pompous male equals by pulling her own weight and more. Still, she is pretty difficult to read. Eternally loyal to Don as he treats he like an equal (a man) and played a hand in her promotions, Peggy also hides a secret at home and shuts down whenever anyone expresses an interest in getting to know her. Totally unrelated, I think she is extremely unattractive and can't be convinced that the males in her office actually enjoy gawking at her.

(source)

I also really like Joan Holloway. She is by far the most popular character with the males in the audience. Simply put, she oozes sexuality. If Don is the embodiment of manliness, then Joan is that of femininity. Most men in the show are electrified by the sight and sound of her, and she even has her closet lesbian roommate all worked up. She also gets a lot of points with the female audience too, as she is considerably bigger and bustier than today's depiction of women in the media. Some men of today may not find that attractive, but I think she looks great and it works for her. It's not that Joan throws herself at men. She is more tactful than that. Sure, she parades around the office in form-fitting outfits knowing that all eyes are on her, but she wields that power to her exact advantage. And she is intelligent, which shows through when her superiors give her a chance to do some work with a client. They love her ideas and sign on, even though meeting her in person definitely influenced their decision. But you wonder, what does she really want? Her coworkers have made a number of jabs at her age, that she will no longer be the object of desire. And her lover didn't want anything beyond weekly afternoon meetings in a hotel room. [Spoiler alert!] And out of the blue, she is engaged. Her fiance, a doctor, seems like a nice enough guy. It seems that being a married woman will severely restrict her office interactions and turn down her spark and spice. In a society where being lusted after is the most effective way of getting a man's attention, Joan isn't left any bright options. She rarely shows any of her emotions, especially when she is upset, maintaining a professional demeanor at all times. I feel bad for her too.

The title sequence is pretty awesome. The RJD2 song sounds like it was made for this show- sophisticated and haunting. Excuse me while I go watch another episode.

Another wonderful song for today: Bibio - Lovers' Carvings
(source)

Ch-ch-changes

2010-01-20T11:58:00.008-06:00

On Monday morning, my trusty little Civic would not start. It is bordering on eleven years old and never had any major problems up until then. I had it towed to an auto repair shop down the road, and enjoyed a walk back through the Hancock golf course. My boss's boss called me to inform me that he was sorry but that my position had been eliminated due to a company reorg, and that employment would be ending in two weeks, with two weeks of severance. It came as a complete surprise and I spent the day in some kind of shock and muted excitement. I haven't liked my job for maybe two years, and I'd been there almost two and a half. It let me get away with being complacent and doing what I needed to do to just get by. I let myself only complete what was asked or required of me, and nothing more. For the past few months, I had been dumped the most menial and tedious tasks that were pretty offensive to have to do. I didn't converse much with my coworkers and eschewed small talk, since it felt pointless and awkward to maintain. After seeing dozens of people get laid off or quit in front of my eyes, I grew confident that my position would not be eliminated any time soon. But all the while, I dreamed of having another job that wouldn't leave me mentally frustrated and pent-up with unused energy each evening. Yet, it was too hard to leave, the excellent benefits, the acceptable salary, the free iPhone and plan, the extremely flexible hours, the stability. So this forced change presents itself as an opportunity for huge growth.

And I'm scared. After turning my brain and motivation off for so long, they have got to be revived. My resume is pitiful, only really appropriate for applying to similar administrative and HR positions. I can do that some more, but really, it would be a large resignation for the rest of my life. People like to say "it's not what you know, it's who you know." And to take it even further, according to my brother, "it's not who y0u know, it's who knows you." And I have not made myself very known to anyone. As I have said before, networking disgusts me. It's not even about the person, it's about how the person can be a tool to help you later on. It's the game that gets you further in life, but I never wanted to learn the rules or even play.

And in the beginnings of my long job search, I'm coming across a common requirement. It's not skill-based, or even experience-based. It goes something across the lines of "you need to be willing to dedicate your waking life to this position. you need to show us that you will do whatever it takes to make this company succeed." Who in their right mind could qualify? To me, no company is worthy of that much life energy. It's just profit. I haven't found it to be much more meaningful than allowing me to live comfortably, and giving me something to do for eight hours a day. This sort of attitude definitely screens me out from being considered for most competitive positions, which is a shame, since it's the healthier one.

Boyd the Floater

2010-01-18T17:06:00.001-06:00

Friend Rock, revisited

2010-01-15T16:21:00.014-06:00

The fantasy that everything wonderful in this world is where I am not follows me to this day. It has been the source of so much unnecessary frustration and jerkface ingratitude, starting from when I first learned how to compare myself with others. I can also relate to a quote by Groucho Marx: "I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." Only now do I see that the rejection of this idea is one leg of the journey towards emotional maturity. For a handful of years I have tasted and savored what Austin has to offer to a young, single, college graduate. Yet, I recall really wanting out a few years back. Forget that Dallas was a mind-numbing prison in comparison, and that I didn't have to move back there. I had my sights on Portland, the dream destination of most people in my boat. Bike lanes everywhere and full of cyclists, useful bus and railways, gorgeous green scenery, and my next best friends. Needless to say, I did not actually do anything to make my move a reality, and just complained about it. I still think Portland is one of the best cities in the US, but I'm glad that I'm still here. Good things exists here too! Like B. : ) And the flurry of new eateries that have popped up in just the last year is quite exciting. The vague five-year plan includes moving away from Texas, but that is still in the works.

Anyways, I have really moved past the original intent of the post. Inadvertently, I feel like I have a black touch sometimes. Just because I feel unmotivated, uninspired and talentless, I unthinkingly assume other people I know are that way as well. Misery loves company? Which is why is has been such a pleasure to see friends succeed, especially creatively. (Because although I have some creative pursuits, I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not talented enough to make a living off those passions). The best example of that is the band of our friend Rob, Balmorhea. (Yes, the name comes from the West Texas state park). Words cannot really describe how joyous, engaging and mature their instrumental songs are. On top of that, they've received high praise from all media review sources. I've seen them play in the dusty sidelot of an art gallery, where the scarce listeners were mostly friends, and at sold out shows at mainstream venues, where breathing and standing space were limited. I am proud of them, because they are a "real" band. I say that sheepishly, as someone who had little faith in them becoming so well known. They've been playing for years now, and only started gaining widespread recognition in the music industry in 2009. Same with another friend band, Follow that Bird!, but to a lesser degree. At the time, when I was hanging out with these guys and gals, I thought their aspirations to be successful musicians was noble, but stupidly optimistic. Fast forward 2-3 years later, and I'm being blown away. I'm just really happy for them, while wondering at the same time if I have the persistence to work towards my own dreams. But then maybe, for every success story you hear or personally know, there are dozens of hidden failures.

Mp3: "Settler" (source)

Burn, Baby, Burn

2010-01-13T11:38:00.009-06:00

Is it too early to be resorting to a blog post? I have only been at work for 1.5 hours. Still trying to work out a viable sleeping plan, since every morning I wake up both late and groggy. Most of the time I feel heavily drugged, and thus, unwilling to greet the new day. This morning, I got up after 6 hours of sleep to use the bathroom, felt fresh and awake, slept for 1 more hour (7 hours) and was fitfully awakened by B's alarms and snoozes, slept for 1 more (8 hours) and fought against a bad pizza dream to drag myself out of bed. By the looks of it, I should aim for that 6 hour mark again. But my bed, with its fluffy down comforter and soft cotton sheets, is so much more alluring than being awake and reading a book, cooking breakfast, surfing the internet, going on a walk, or whatever people do when they get up earlier.

Two things: I have not been truly vegan this past week. I have eaten meat and dairy sparingly, and have mostly stuck with B's diet. And second, his vegan diet officially lasted up until last night, seven days. He hasn't broken it, and he's had a great attitude this whole time, not only staying true to the diet, but also not succumbing to temptation around our friends when they eat meat. But after a discussion sparked by my parents wanting to eat at Salt Lick this weekend but deciding not to because of our diet, we decided that being vegan was not a sustainable option for us. We both dearly missed a combination of the flavors and textures of meat and fats. And that we would aim to eat mostly vegetables and whole grains, and have meat, dairy, fats, and sugars on occasion. "On occasion" is certainly personally defined, so that's what we'll be figuring out. B used to base all of our cooked meals around meat, which I disagreed with. But now we're on the same page. What else did we learn from this experiment? For me, I grew really tired of the same flavors and textures of seitan, miso, vegetable broth... and leafy green vegetables. The taste and mouthfeel of B's favorite veggies, spinach and button mushrooms, are pretty abhorrent to me. I grew up scarfing down greens and ordering salads because my parents taught me that it was the healthy thing to do, but I only now realize that I don't actually enjoy eating them at all. Which just means I have to try harder to eat them more often. But I noticed that I felt really great after each of our meals. No meat-induced heaviness in my belly, but I did get hungry more often.

The bulk of what we ate: miso soup, sprouts, tofu, rolled oats, curry veggie patties, black bean/brown rice veggie patties, brown rice, buckwheat noodles, veggie italian sausage, baked sweet potatoes, hemp milk, seitan, kimchee, kale, bokchoy, spinach, romaine lettuce, button mushrooms, carrots, hummus, green onions, soy sauce, vegetable broth, nutritional yeast, oranges, grapefruit, apples. All good stuff that we sort of got sick of. Perhaps we weren't creative enough? I beg to differ, as meat and fats bring depth to food.

We ate at the Wheatsville bulk food bar one day before getting groceries, and it was quite delicious. We accepted the fact that when eating out, most food options contain added oil and sugar. The tastiest dishes? Vegan mac and cheese, eggless tofu salad, and silken tofu mexican chocolate pudding. Vegan does not necessarily mean healthy! I also got a gift certificate to Beets, a raw vegan cafe, whose entree offerings look extremely unappetizing. In the vein of Wasa crackers as sawdust and cardboard. I had compiled short list of vegan-friendly restaurants to re-check out, including Casa de Luz, Aster's Ethiopian and Mr. Natural's. While I have enjoyed eating there in the past with friends, the enjoyment mainly sprung from good company, feeling positive that I was being healthy, and the adventure of eating something unfamiliar. I never thought the food was inherently tasty, and I probably never will. But if it's for health, then I'm totally open.

Engine 2 and Expense Ratios

2010-01-07T15:00:00.038-06:00

I recently stocked up on sweaters when I realized that I only had one sweater that I actually liked. The newly reoffered Bean's Norwegian Sweater (knit in Norway!) caught my eye, but is only available for men, so I shot them an email about making a women's version. So I ordered two boys sweaters, size L, from Lands' End and L.L. Bean. When they came in, they were a bit baggy, short in the arms, and boxy in the torso. That's the trade-off for saving money by getting kids' clothing. That is OK with me, but I was disappointed to see that both pieces were Made in China. I have been feeling convicted lately of buying cheap items manufactured in poor labor conditions. B sympathizes. Can we implement a rule of only buying made in the US clothing? That would make me buy clothes way less often, for sure. Still considering this.

I have never been one to jump on faddish diets. The only one I embarked on was the Lemonade Diet in college, and I was so snack-crazy then that I could only stick with it for three days before cheating at Fresh Plus (post). Another time, spurred by a suspicion that maybe gluten intolerance was making me tired, I went gluten-free for a week, and basically starved for the first couple days, since gluten foods (including many packaged foods) made up most of my diet. I tried out a gluten-free bakery in Westlake and found it very unappetizing (post); all in all, it was an extremely unsatisfying week of eating.

Austin is replete with people who adhere to alternative diets. Vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, sugar-free, red meat-free, macrobiotic, raw food, the list goes on. I've known people who eat differently than I do for years now. But never once did I seriously consider joining them. Food was just food, and I had more important things to worry about. Besides, the fun level of restriction is pretty close to zero. 2009 was a big year of food thinking for me. Beyond taste, I was confronted with the political, social, environmental and personal effects of what I eat. We began to try to eat only locally grown produce (if not that, then USA/organic), local meat and eggs, and less processed foods. In all truthfulness, the health factor was less of an issue for me than ever, since I had somehow managed to lose ~15 pounds this past 18 months by allowing myself to be picky and let my moods get in the way of eating. I knew I wasn't fit or healthy, but it's so much easier to ignore the question when you look just fine.

About a month before the wedding, B resolved to start working out during his lunch break every weekday. With holiday and sickness-related exceptions, he has dutifully kept up this regimen. Concerned that he wasn't losing any weight (albeit gaining much more muscle), we discussed the impact of our diet, and how it had changed from when we dating. Turns out that he noticed that we ate way less greens because I dislike eating raw vegetables, and he did not want to fight with me. Same with fish. And I eat way less pasta, even though I love it, because he doesn't particularly prefer it. And I eat way more (red) meat, because he considers it to be a hearty and flavorful part of a meal. It was an unbalanced array of foods. You are what you eat, right? In the end, with our resolves armed, we decided to make another positive, all-encompassing change. I had heard of the Engine 2 diet, developed by an ex-triathlete and firefighter in Austin. I did some research by reading articles and reviews about the diet (conveniently located on his site), purchased the book at Book People, and here we are basically turning vegan for 6 weeks!!

The added restrictions of the Engine 2 diet to being vegan are no added oils, added sugars, refined flour, or alcohol. B's challenges: no cheese, no alcohol, no yogurt, no eggs, and of course, no meat. My challenges: eating "plant strong," no regular desserts, no regular baking, no Blue Sky sodas, no fruit juice. The rules are still hazy to me, and it will definitely be a work in progress, but I think it will be a worthwhile endeavor. With most Americans dying of disease, I don't want to meet my end that way and I have many years to get off this increasingly common, downward path. (Although I have to admit that I won't officially start until the weekend, as I don't want to just throw away the bread and lunchmeat that is my lunch for the rest of the workweek.)

A personal project at work is taking the bulk of this week. I'm investigating our 401k plan, specifically the fees associated with each of the funds offered. This comes on the heels of my own conversion of my Traditional IRA to a Roth IRA. My parents urged me to open an IRA (Individual Retirement Account) the year I started working (2007), and I did so begrudgingly. At this age, any amount of extra cash = fun, and it was hard setting aside the money, but I am so glad that I did it. Primer: a traditional IRA lets you put in pre-tax dollars, and the amount is taxed as you withdraw it after you retire. A Roth IRA is funded with pre-tax dollars, and your retirement withdrawals are tax-free. I chose to convert to Roth because I am quite certain that I am in the lowest tax bracket I will ever be in, as the common path is for income to rise along with years of experience.

Anyways, when I converted, I put all of it into index funds. Index funds are like the lazy man's surefire way of gaining interest on a long-term investment. It sounded too good to be true, but as I read more about it, I was convinced. This article in particular stood out to me. The results are based on very long looks at historical market returns. Instead of trying to figure out a way to pick the magic combination of funds, you get a slice of the whole market. There are ups and downs, but overall, it steadily goes up in the long-term. And a big part of that has to do with low fees, since they are not managed.

Anyways, the expense ratio, which is the fee you pay the investment company for a fund, of the particular index fund I chose was 0.18%. High fees and expense ratios specifically will eat away at your retirement fund, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars (or even hundreds of thousands of dollars, if you earn and put in a lot). Please take a look at this chart. Now I'm no money hog, but I'd like to not lose money if I can help it. In poring through the fund information of my company 401k, I calculated that the average fee was around 1.5%. That is a far cry from the 0.18% in my Vanguard index fund. If you look at that chart, it shows that even a 1% increase in expense ratio for a one-time $10,000 investment over 40 years results in no small relative loss, 33.8% (1.5% ER) vs.12.8% (0.5% ER). All this could be avoided if you shop around for lower fees. The terrible thing is that fees are hidden away from the general investor who does not do his/her research, and they are losing so much interest to such fees. I am in the process of trying to find more funds with lower fees, or even new plans with lower fees to present to my boss. I don't want to go as far as to accuse our company's broker (who is by the way a personal friend of the owner) of reaping in huge benefits from our selection of funds, because that would harm me. Let's just say it happens.

If you don't have a 401k, I strongly advise you to open one if your company provides the option, or just open an IRA at Vanguard or somewhere else. Not doing so is pretty much the most financially damaging thing you could let happen for your future self in retirement, and not to mention your family. Any percentage, no matter how small, matters, because of compound interest over decades. (Side note, this is why I am averse to mortgages.) Lately, personal finance has been a consuming interest for me. Not only because I want to ensure that I am set, but because it pains me to see our culture of financial ignorance and the suffering it causes. I want to educate people my age, especially, about this, so they can take care of themselves and their families, and not be enslaved to the vicious side of money. If you have any questions, I would be more than happy to discuss. This is on my list of possible career paths, although I am told that hobbies don't necessarily translate well into jobs.

Vampire Weekend - "White Sky"

Mp3 source: All Things Go

The Inner Ring

2010-01-06T16:24:00.002-06:00

From The Weight of Glory, "The Inner Ring"

"To a young person, just entering on adult life, the world seems full of Insides, full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities, and he desires to enter them. But if he follows that desire he will reach no "inside" that is worth reaching... As long as you are governed by that desire you will never get what you want. You are trying to peel an onion: if you succeed there will be nothing left. Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain...

And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the center of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that its secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and no one was led thither by the lure of the esoteric: for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ring can ever have it."

And, the worst book review regarding this chapter.

Post-Holiday, VFF

2010-01-04T14:40:00.025-06:00

Had a relaxing three-day weekend. It kicked off with the Wilsons coming into town from Portland and staying with us. A wicked game of 3-on-3 ultimate frisbee, 1st meal of the new year at Whole Foods, a chilly grill at Zilker, fancy dinner at La Traviata, Xboxing, films (God Grew Tired of Us-sad, PU-239-also depressing), and at home dinners ensued.They're a laid-back, hip couple who traveled around the country the first part of the year, camping out in various parks for a month straight. Their married life path is so different from ours, and that's what makes it all the more intriguing. Thanks for being great guests, guys! Here is their occasionally updated blog.

My long-distance friend Nora's new cupcake business (website). She is married to a Marine and is living on a giant base in San Diego. I'm proud of her for turning a hobby into a possible career! Isn't the frosting just immaculate?

Wordy article about the so-called Quarterlife Crisis. It's hard, but I can't imagine it's harder than any other generation's experience. B has dismissed any mention of graduate school from me, and with good reason. School is all I know really well..

And now, the main topic of the post. Look at these goofy foot-glove thingamabobs. Ask me three weeks ago what I thought about Vibram FiveFingers and I would have scoffed loudly. Barefoot running was a topic of discussion during a recent dinner with friends, and I think we all left pretty openminded about the activity and the not-water shoes. Two articles and two sightings later (yes, at Wheatsville and Whole Foods), here I am with a pair. I rushed into REI 5 minutes before closing time on Saturday and got the Classics, since it was the only model in my size (40). The toes were not too hard to wiggle in at first, although I had some more difficulty doing it later on. The other models feature straps and more fabric on top of the foot, which makes them even harder to put on. They felt OK after one night of walking around in them. I was concerned that they were too small, as all of my toes touched the ends of the shoe pockets, with no extra room to spare. These shoes do not fit people who have 2nd toes that are longer than their big toes, and mine are about the same length. However, upon returning to REI for a possible size-up, they told me that the fit was true and that a larger, looser size would defeat the purpose of the shoe. And what is the purpose? To have healthy feet by letting your feet, an amazing piece of natural engineering, do the walking/running/jumping/etc. Unlike other reviews, I did not feel like I was walking around barefoot, since the rubber on the bottom is pretty thick and not as flexible as your own foot would be. To be fair, I did not grow up running around barefoot (which is the healthiest), and still do not, so my feet are pretty tender and callus-free. So this shoe works for me.

I am not a runner and do not plan to run in these. Initially, I was sold on the concept but very unwilling to give up all other shoes. I am a shoe person and am convinced that good taste is confirmed or denied by the shoes one chooses to wear. Snobby, maybe, but that is just something I've always been acutely aware of. But I have to say, when I wore my Clarks to exchange the Vibrams, they felt like crap. They were so loose, and the Superfeet inserts only made me feel very wobbly, as the soles were thicker, and the foot side roll more extreme. My socks were sliding around in them and I noticed that I had to walk more carefully (mechanically maybe?) as to keep my shoes on. Like I said, the Vibrams felt alright, but in comparison to those shoes, they felt like a natural extension of myself. Today I wore my Vans Authentics to work, and although they are not terrible, I do notice them. I notice the right angle edges and flatness of the 1-inch thick sole, and how quickly I start to feel unstable when I tilt my foot to the side over the edge. So, there is something to your foot having rounded edges for stability.

Shoes are something we've learned to deal with, pitfalls and all. B has recently taken to saying that Americans are a masochistic poeple, since they/we have put up with PCs and Microsoft products for so long, because we/they are either too lazy to learn new ways or think there is no other way. And so it is with shoes. I've only had my Fivefingers for 2 days, so I'm not able to give a well-rounded review yet. Besides being quite inappropriate for colder weather (but you can order socks!), I have been really pleased with them so far. I'm not at the point to where I'll recommend them to all my family and friends, as I think it takes a certain amount of nonconformity and boldness to wear these shoes if you don't actually have foot problems, but when/if I reach that point, you'll know. Don't quote me on it, but I have a feeling that these may be the next big alternative trend in footwear, since they help you feel "at one with the earth," similar to the idea that riding fixed gear connects you with the road. Succinct Cool Tools review.

Also, I have to comment on a previous haughty remark I made about Shurons being ugly. I was proved wrong this weekend. I ended up getting a pair of gray-flecked Shuron frames from Gene Rogers Optical. They are quite similar to my current pair, except the lenses are smaller. B helped me pick them out in five minutes. It wasn't until after I talked to Gene that I found out I had only perused the men's section of the store. I had a pretty pain-free experience there. They are a husband-wife run business and after chatting with the wife, she relayed that even though they had been open since 1991 at that location, last year was their best year (due to Yelp and word of mouth). I later found out today that my insurance will not reimburse me for any of it, since he is out of network. That is a shame, since glasses are so darn expensive these days, but I think this is worth it.

*new* Laura Veirs - July Flame and Wide-eyed, Legless

Sources: iguessimfloating, hellovegetables

It ain't broke

2009-12-31T13:50:00.026-06:00

I'm feeling particularly farsighted this week and am having trouble focusing on close objects, so I'll be getting an eye exam. Apparently, it is also time to get a new pair of glasses. B has never been super fond of my current prized Moscot Nebb clear frames (they don't even make that color anymore), complaining that I look more like a librarian-type. I get it.. it's the ugliness/ironic fashion factor. Nerdiness doesn't go that far in terms of attractiveness. But I have never gotten so many compliments on my eyewear before, from people my age to people my dad's age. Heck, I made it through my own wedding with those things on. Everyone was so used to them it wasn't a big deal, sigh of relief.

And I blanking at what frames to get next. Maybe some thin metal ones, but anything rectangular is too modern for me. Plastic again? But I can't find plastic frames I like better than my current ones. It'll have to be a compromise. To me, there are only three categories of frames: vintage, 1990s/2000s, and modern/futuristic. Vintage has been making a solid comeback for the past decade. Modern is for people who want to really stand out, regardless of fashion sensibilities. Think highbrow designers. And 1990s/2000s is for everyone else not too particular about their frames; they're very "eh" and don't stand out at all, which most people prefer. You all should know that I greatly fear falling into the "eh" group, as I have always been finicky about my personal style. I call for more variety! I never really thought eyeglasses made women seem more attractive, but maybe more professional or intelligent or votable (Sarah Palin?). Since I'm not really aiming for those labels, I like to have fun with it and wear something more playful. Wood frames? Very unique, but probably not. Shurons? Cheap, but I'm going to steer away from the female octagenarian, Atticus Finch, or child molester look.

--

On another note, B and I saw Up in the Air last night at the Drafthouse. I've been unenthusiastic about watching new movies for the past year, because they have mostly been disappointing. And this one didn't look any better, wearing its "life lessons" heart out on its sleeve in the trailer. George Clooney is all over the box office these days. (True, I also did enjoy Fantastic Mr. Fox). And I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Clooney plays a confident, middle-aged businessman who travels 250-ish days of the year to avoid his home and having to construct a real life. To him, relationships and possessions are heavy baggage that drag you down. As he says in his seminars, "movement is life," which explains why he never wants to get married or have kids, why his condo is barren, and why he make a huge effort to avoid family matters. But then through his interactions with a fresh-faced, perplexing coworker and a potential love interest, he begins to reveal the vulnerability in his views. It's a thoughtful film that had me smirking at some scenes because they truly resonated with me. It made me hurt for older people like the main character who are misanthropes and completely toss aside the idea of relationships. They'll never get that lost time back. Later in the film, Clooney makes the point that if you think of all the best times in your life, you notice that you were never alone. So true.

B practices this philosophy. He is always calling people up to see what they are doing so we can come over and hang out. For the longest time, this really put me off. Why should he constantly be putting himself out there for people who seemed like they didn't give a damn or were impossible to reach? I was personally offended for him. And I was contemptuous of his behavior. He employed this persistence on me that resulted in us dating, and eventually getting married. Having 0 relationship experience, I was more into the supposed rules of romance, informed by cinematic sources, such as making yourself desirable, not seeming too eager, creating a back and forth pursuit, crap like that which B totally rejected. Even if I didn't prefer it at the time, as it was much less thrilling, it definitely worked. It's so hard these days to see people on a regular basis. People are too busy, too lazy, too distracted, etc. But all the more reason to strive for communion with others in this ticking clock of a life. B remarked that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who called who, but that we all got together and enjoyed ourselves. I think I subscribe to that now. I tend to get pretty stubborn and give up easily on "friends" who are hard to meet up with. But I should really try harder. Life's too short to be so proud. Other people may be hell, but I would argue that being alone is probably even more terrible.

Favorite Music, 2009

2009-12-22T12:57:00.023-06:00

I did one last year, so I'll do one this year. Here are the songs I'd put on a mix CD for you, if I still did that sort of thing.

Animal Collective / My Girls
They owned the entirety of 2009 with Merriweather Post Pavilion in January and the Fall Be Kind EP in December. I can't talk about this band anymore. They are in a class of their own, and I hope they continue to put out music for decades.

Grizzly Bear / Ready Able
Another timely young band for which everything has already been said. The hype is merited! Veckatimest was not only fresh, but lovingly crafted by proficient musicians. I am still enamored with this live studio video of "While You Wait For the Others."

Bill Callahan / Jim Cain, Too Many Birds
Easily one of the best songwriters of this generation. With his rich baritone voice, he sings with a wisdom and tiredness that belies his age. Sometimes I Wish I Were An Eagle contains some excellent meandering, thoughtful songs. [I ended up in search of ordinary things / Like how could a wave possibly be..]

The National / So Far Around the Bend
They've been filling in the void left by Sufjan with their gorgeous arrangments, plus a good dose of jaded melancholia. Hard hitting lyrics for listeners on the Dark Was the Night compilation. [Take a bath and get high through an apple / Wanted to cry but you can't when you're laughing / Nobody knows where you are living / Nobody knows where you are]

Dirty Projectors / Stillness Is the Move
Bizzare mix of Dirty Projector's special brand of off-kilter choral melodies and Mariah Carey. The entire Bitte Orca is original and spectacular.

J. Tillman / Though I Have Wronged You
Forgiveness. See previous post.

Kings of Convenience / Boat Behind, Peacetime Resistance
The new Simon and Garfunkel. Makes me want to learn finger picking real bad. Declaration of Dependence is a welcome release in light of their previous hollow-pop one. They have become a more mature band (which just means that I think a song is sad but I'm not sure why).

David Bazan / Hard to Be
A very relevant album to us at this time. In Curse Your Branches, Bazan deals openly with his struggle with Christianity and God.

Loney Dear / Violent
This was a recent discovery. I had joined the guys in seeing them as SXSW in March, but their live performance in the sweaty dungeon of a 6th street bar didn't stick with me. This song is so full of life, longing, joy. The rest of Dear John is noticeably darker.

Great Lake Swimmers / Pulling On a Line
Can't get enough of these Canadian folkies.

Honorable mentions:

Sally Shapiro / Dying in Africa, Miracle (Remix by Bogdan Irkuk)
Bring on the cheese! It's called Italo disco and I couldn't get enough of it. The remix is pop perfection. The only reason it's in this section is because I easily overdose on these songs.

jj / From Africa to Malaga
I felt guilty for liking this band, because it could be in very poor taste. They sound like Caribbean-influenced easy listening world music. But oddly enough, they're Swedish and also socially acceptable to listen to. It must be one of those hipster irony things.

Vampire Weekend / Horchata
Technically, this album doesn't come out until 2010, but the single was already released. I got over the reactionary anxiety over whether I should like this band and find myself enjoying them more and more.

Cass McCombs / The Executioner Song
Previous post.

This Week:

Le Loup / Beach Town
I don't know much about this band, except that I ignored them this year. And then today I found out that they are up my alley.

Noah and the Whale / Blue Skies
I like this Brit's voice.

Girls / Hellhole Ratrace
This song is quickly growing on me. Saw them at SXSW, revisited now. Lead singer has a fascinating history- he was raised in a cult, escaped, got picked up by a rich dude, was gifted a guitar from an ex-Fleetwood Mac member, started a band.

Telekinesis / Awkward Kisser
Had this song stuck in my head weeks after I first heard it. Like a poppier, riffier DCfC.

Atlas Sound / Walkabout (w/ Panda Bear)
Keep hearing good things about this ugly but talented dude.

Sources: iguessimfloating, said the gramophone, the rawking refuses to stop!, pink teeth, stereogum, tsuru radio, the burning ear, dbf-music, captain obvious, disco workout, chickens don't clap!, regnsky, pop tarts suck toasted, polaroid alla radio, merry swankster

Complaint

2009-12-21T13:42:00.009-06:00

If I had capital, the business I would most definitely start is an affordable classic clothing company for women, focusing on sweaters and jackets. Why is it that "classic" women's clothing is so painfully fugly (LL Bean, Lands End, Orvis), while the mens' variants are timelessly stylish? It's like night and day. It also bugs me to no end that women's trends change so quickly that the whole thing seems like a joke. It has nothing to do with aesthetics, and everything to do with status. What looks atrocious to the average person is actually the latest fad, so only those enslaved to the media and keeping up with it are afforded the satisfaction of seeing "beauty" in it. So many women's clothing designs are not only unflattering to a woman's body (slouchy tops, onesies, high-waisted pants, etc.), but are randomly chosen by the fashion nazis above (gladiator sandals..vom). It's completely The Emperor's New Clothes fable. Lesli over at Archival Clothing is the first woman I've encountered (albeit over the Internet) who passionately feels the same way, rejecting modern women's trends for classic ones. Even more so, as she has started her own line of cycling-influenced bags. And hopefully she will move on to clothing later on..

This sweater was a bit too large for but I got it anyway because I like it and there is nothing remotely similar for women. It is high time for a company to start producing solid non-frilly clothing for women, because the market is definitely there.

Sweater: The Quiet Life, Parka: Steven Alan, Bag: Billykirk, Shoes: Blundstone, Pants: Outlier

Texas (the State, not the School)

2009-12-18T14:53:00.016-06:00

Tonight is our company Christmas dinner at Jack Allen's. It's a brand new restaurant, and the main reason it was chosen is because someone knew someone who knew the owner. I had hoped to convinced them to have it in a more centrally located eatery, like Moonshine or Vespaio, but clearly my influence doesn't go very far. However, it is pretty close to where the management mostly lives, near the Y.. Anyway, I did some research and it is the new project of the previous head chef of ZTejas, which I've never successfully eaten at. What caught my eye on their website was the list of local vendors they use. They get serious points for that. Hope B and I will have a decent time. I always feel more at ease in an unfamiliar group setting when he's there, because at least he tries to be entertaining. And white people tend to think he's a big laff.

After an extended period of rumination, I have something I'd like to share. I like Texas. I like the shape. I like Texas pride. I like how it's so big. I'm the type of person who despises where she/he is raised and wants to exit immediately, so this is an odd realization. Perhaps one way to put it is that I like Texas the way some Americans like Western Europe. Austin is like a blue oasis of modern life. I just think it's amusing as an outsider, even though I've lived here my whole life. Also, I think someone should make good Texas memorabilia. I saw a large wooden astray carved in the shape of Texas at my friend's house a while back, and I thought it was really classy. None of that made in China dinky poorly designed gaudy souvenir sort of crap. Also, this is a nice vintage ceramic ashtray too. A recent sighting of Texas flag running shorts made me almost go out and buy them. So awesome. Whenever I move out of here I need to stock up on stuff like this.
I also find Southern drawls endlessly amusing. Like the latest Geico commercial. Every time I laugh at it B looks at me like I've gone insane. And that makes me giggle even harder, since he is especially repulsed by redneck culture.

I've long been harboring a penchant for vintage hiking boots, and 1970's "waffle stompers" with red laces are very in these days. Very tough footwear. I have yet to see anyone in town with them on, probably because it would seem goofy with the weather and terrain we have here. There is also a general fascination with old outdoor technology and designs. Why? Are we as a culture so lazy and unmotivated to create our own trends, content to always look back in tribute?

Danner Mt Light

Orvis/Merrell
F-troupe

Atheistic Pessimism

2009-12-17T17:30:00.009-06:00

To the MAX.
Author: Arthur Schopenhauer

Every moment of our life belongs to the present only for a moment; then it belongs for ever to the past. Every evening we are poorer by a day. We would perhaps grow frantic at the sight of this ebbing away of our short span of time were we not secretly conscious in the profoundest depths of our being that we share in the inexhaustible well of eternity, out of which we can for ever draw new life and renewed time.

You could, to be sure, base on considerations of this kind a theory that the greatest wisdom consists in enjoying the present and making this enjoyment the goal of life, because the present is all that is real and everything else merely imaginary.But you could just as well call this mode of life the greatest folly: for that which in a moment ceases to exist, which vanishes as completely as a dream, cannot be worth any serious effort.

...

That human life must be some kind of mistake is sufficiently proved by the simple observation that man is a compound of needs which are hard to satisfy; that their satisfaction achieves nothing but a painless condition in which he is only given over to boredom; and that boredom is a direct proof that existence is in itself valueless, for boredom is nothing other than the sensation of the emptiness of existence. For if life, in the desire for which our essence and existence consists, possessed in itself a positive value and real content, then would be no such thing as boredom: mere existence would fulfill and satisfy us. As things are, we take no pleasure in existence except when we are striving after something - in which case distance and difficulties make our goal look as if it would satisfy us (an illusion which fades when we reach it)- or when engaged ill purely intellectual activity, in which case we are really stepping out of life so as to regard it from outside, like spectators at a play. Even sensual pleasure itself consists in a continual striving and ceases as soon as its goal is reached. Whenever we are not involved in one or other of these things but directed back to existence itself we are overtaken by its worthlessness anti vanity and this is the sensation called boredom.

...

That the most perfect manifestation of the will to live represented by the human organism, with its incomparably ingenious and complicated machinery, must crumble to dust and its whole essence and all its striving be palpably given over at last to annihilation - this is nature's unambiguous declaration that all the striving of this will is essentially vain. If it were something possessing value in itself, something which ought unconditionally to exist, it would not have non-being as its goal.

Full text

Warmest Socks

2009-12-17T13:20:00.006-06:00

Today I was looking down at my boots and noticed the top orange band of my SmartWool socks peeking out of them. And it made me smile. When it gets cold like this, I remember that I love socks and wintry fabrics.

I adore the vintage look of these SmartWools. (I also think that socks look best when they're not worn, ha.) As I only own 1 pair of SmartWools, I'm not sure if they're a good value for the price. And, would you buy one pair of socks for ~$20?

SmartWool Mountaineer Socks

Smartwool Popcorn Cable Socks

Alternately, Happy Socks have been all the rage this year. Great, non-cheesy designs, but I'm still not willing to fork up $10-15 for a pair. (Sorry, B!)

Literary Quotes

2009-12-16T15:31:00.006-06:00

Taken from this newly discovered blog, Slaughterhouse 90210.

“I began feeling the way I imagine an actor or athlete must feel when, after years of commitment to a particular dream…he realizes that he’s gone just about as far as talent or fortune will take him. The dream will not happen, and he now faces the choice of accepting this fact like a grownup and moving on to more sensible pursuits, or refusing the truth and ending up bitter, quarrelsome, and slightly pathetic.”

— Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope

“That’s one of the reasons I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

“It makes me angry sometimes, it’s a visceral thing—how you come to despise your own words in your ears not because they aren’t genuine, but because they are; because you’ve said them so many times, your ‘principles,’ your ‘ideals’—and so damned little in the world has changed because of them.”

— Joyce Carol Oates, Black Water

“I was taught to strive not because there were any guarantees of success but because the act of striving is in itself the only way to keep faith with life.”

— Madeleine Albright, Madam Secretary: A Memoir

“We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?”

- Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
(nice explanation of title on Wikipedia)

"I am aware that there is a world out there that functions without regard to me. There are wars and budgets and bombings and vast dimensions of wealth and greed and ambition and corruption. And yet I don't feel a part of that world, and I wouldn't know how to join if I tried."

- Douglas Coupland, Hey Nostradamus!

Arts n Crafts

2009-12-15T13:06:00.015-06:00

I am eating peanut butter again. For a while I was getting tired of the ground-peanuts bulk kind, since the paste and oil tend to separate easily and you need to refrigerate it. After scanning the prices, I got Earth Balance peanut butter from Wheatsville. It's no stir and contains flaxseed oil (yay!) and agave syrup. It isn't as delicious as Jif, but it's also much healthier, so it's a win. The only ingredient that made me hesitate was palm fruit oil- is that the same as palm oil, what's responsible for the destruction of rainforests and murder of orangutans? I think it is. Boo. Here's an in-depth review.

Earlier this week, I was so tuckered out from running around town figuring out car details that I would be exhausted upon returning home. It finally put me on the same page as B, as all I wanted to do was zone-out and watch TV. And I happily did so without balking. But now that I'm back to the daily light grind, I'm antsy all over again. Wanting to accomplish much in the evenings to make up for my relative inactivity in the daytime. It's not ideal, but is B's intensive work any better? Sure we all need time to relax after work, but I worry that he may not have enough energy for anything else. Like future kids, for example. And hobbies! : /

Speaking of hobbies, I am surrounded by a legion of talented crafters. They're all stay-at-home moms with young kids from the Vox community. I started hanging out with them because they were the wives of B's friends, and they are pretty cool. Because of them, I picked up crocheting this summer. It wasn't weather appropriate at all! Some of them are in the business of making stylish headbands- I bought a couple for Christmas presents. I'm currently about to start making my first quilt. B's mema (grandmother) is a lifetime quilter, and I never thought I would be up to the task after seeing her gorgeous creations. I still don't really think I can do it since it requires a good deal of precision and repetition, but T invited me to try out her old Singer machine. We will see how that goes. B drove me to a good quilt shop up north for a pattern, but it turned out to be extremely complicated, so I plan on a stitching square blocks together, checkers-style. She also makes purses and cycling caps, and they look good. For a while I let myself feel anxious that I wasn't creating this much this well, but I've realized that I'm not super crafty, and that I shouldn't put irrational expectations on myself to be like other people. Maybe when I'm a bored stay-at-home mom will I be more motivated to get crafty, but right now, I'm content to dabble. No guilt in that.

On Sunday night, post-Antichrist, we went over to the newish 24-hour coffeehouse, Bennu, to meetup with E. It was roomy and had a nice deck area, but I had forgotten that coffeehouses in Austin are prime locations for people watching. The moment I stepped in the door I felt so many pairs of eyes on me. It's really stupid! I didn't really care, but I was guilty of doing this when I was a student. Ultimate representation of urban isolation, a deep desire for connection, and inaction. The tantalizing fantasy of a person or group that never materializes, or is a let down when it does. I hate it when places are scenes to be seen at. It has always made me uncomfortable, and while I previously tried to assimilate, I feel like I can freely reject it now. This environment is partly responsible for the proliferation of 30 and 40 year old adolescents in this town, as you are forced to feel self-conscious because of the ever-present Gaze. Felt similarly at Mohawk last Friday at the crowded Balmorhea show. We went because they are our friends and we really like their music, but it irked us that people had paid admission to stand around and talk over the music. It was a cold night, and I was just wearing my raincoat over a fleece for warmth. Being stylish in the cold is way too much effort for me, but that wasn't an issue for everyone else there. Bleh. The last vestige of my connection to that world is my Moscot glasses, and I've been thinking about getting new ones anyway. Tired of having strands of hair getting painfully caught in the hinges.

Song: Loney, Dear - Harsh Words

Toffee Mouf

2009-12-14T15:21:00.012-06:00

Right now, I've got a drawerful of candy at work. I've been exiting the long stage of having candy on the outs. Chocolove makes the best toffee chocolate bars I've ever tasted. First off, I'm not an organic/natural/gourmet/fancypants chocolate bar kind of girl. $3-8 is a pretty penny to pay for chocolate that tastes better than the trash that is Hersheys. I recalling buying Chocolove one time before, for Erin for her birthday one year, because it tickled me that each wrapped had a poem or letter written inside of it. I've eaten my fair share of Skor and Heath bars, and I've also tried Green and Black's, but they all pale in comparison to this one. Toffee- it tastes so good and the base ingredients are butter and sugar. How can something so simple be so divine? I ate half the bar today without even noticing it, so much so that I dropped by Central Market on my lunch break to grab some of their bulk toffee. I was tempted to get it last time, since B was stocking up on gourmet cheeses and cured meats, but I resisted. Turns out that it is not nearly as good at the stuff found in Chocolove. It is moist, and then cavity-inducing sticky at the end. I have the same opinion for bulk items that I have about Whole Foods eatery: so much variety, but lacking in quality. They are not beneath using artificial flavors, partially hydrogenated oils and other crap found in processed foods. I don't recall the first time I ever set foot in a bulk foods section, but it must have been awe-inducing, because I still feel that tingly excitement every time I go back. Endless variety is so impressive, but I really have to question the healthiness and freshness of the items.

Yesterday I did a rare thing: watch two movies in one day. I used to have a lot more patience for sitting in front of a screen, but B's voracious appetite for media quickly outpaced mine in the beginning, so much so that I just watch whatever he wants to watch nowadays. You know how hard it is to compete with him in that way. We watched Secretary and the dreaded Antichrist, back to back. Secretary was pretty weird. I had planned on cleaning the house early on, but the David Lynchian set hooked me in. I definitely did not expect to watch a touching movie about an S&M relationship. Maggie Gyllenhaal stars as Lee, a young woman recently discharged from a mental hospital who finds work as a secretary for an "eccentric" lawyer. Eccentric as in prone to mood swings where he is soft and kindly one minute, and then unexplainably frosty the next. So they begin to have a dominant/submissive professional relationship at work, and it is interesting to see how that plays out later in their personal lives. It is a daring movie that tries to give credence to a sexual preferences previously defined outside the boundaries of normalcy. One note, Lee is shown as a cutter (I couldn't watch those scenes!). After she begins her relationship with her boss, she no longer cuts herself. But was she merely replacing self-abuse with sexual abuse? I hope that the underlying issues behind her cutting habit were dealt with, as I'm not sure hurting yourself in any context is healthy.

Then there was Antichrist. Disturbing promo image, huh? It's a story about a grieving couple who, after the accidental death of their young son, go off to their private cabin in the woods to find healing. Then the wife (the lovely Charlotte Gainsbourg) loses her marbles and becomes perversely dangerous. First off, I had no intentions of watching this after hearing it labeled shock-cinema, but somehow B convinced me to. It didn't really shock me because I made sure to hide under the covers during the two massively gory scenes. The movie was saturated with color and also darkness, especially when showing the main characters. And not to mention generous with scenes of graphic, depressing sex. There was a heavy emphasis on the grotesqueness of nature and animal life. I came away visually impressed, but unmoved. I think I would have probably been very bored if I wasn't on the edge of my seat the whole time preparing to be treated to a horrific scene. It is quite easy to brush off this sort of movies as gore for gore's sake, but it wouldn't be fair to do that to this one. I know this story means something, as the director Lars von Trier made it in the midst of depression, but I'm just not sure what.

Image sources: slash film, daily poetics

Best pack

2009-12-11T16:39:00.013-06:00

I crudely designed my "dream" backpack using a free online drawing tool. It's maddening trying to draw with a mouse, so that is why this looks awful. The whole thing would be pretty small and sit close to the back, 500 cubic inches or less. With one main pocket and one small pocket. Camelbaks were my inspiration, and I thought about getting the smallest one, but taking the hydration pack out of it would render a lot of the original design useless. Also, small-sized Camelbaks seem to be very skimpy on durability and padding. The material would be Cordura, thick, rigid and sturdy. It would include a removable back padding insert.

1 Bungee cords for a light jacket
2 U-lock holster, a la Seagull, for them larger u-locks like mine
3 The top flap would fold down against the front and attach to velcro. (This may be problematic if there is clothing in the cords, but whatever). Or it could be a small roll top. I just don't like the full long flaps of the Chrome backpacks.
4 Thick key rings on both straps for easy access (my favorite detail of my current Chrome dually pack)
5 Small bottom zipper pocket for tools, tubes, etc.

Now if only I could sew this myself, that would be awesome. Because nothing of the sort exists on the market. The only other pack that has a similar aesthetic is this one, but neoprene is not breathable at all, the amount of padding is questionable, and it sort of makes you look like a turtle, or someone who is a wearing a bulletproof vest backwards.

Song: Lindsay Brohan - Javelin

Hello, Mazda3

2009-12-09T12:28:00.017-06:00

After 2 long hours at the dealership last night, we drove out of there with a 2005 Mazda 3 hatchback in excellent condition. I had been dreading the final stage of the car buying process, as we had a downright awful experience last time at Champion Toyota. Sneakiness, dishonesty, and oodles of pressure were applied previously, and it did not help that both of us were so obviously inexperienced and thus easily manipulated. This time around, we prepped ourselves, and made sure it didn't happen again. As soon as we portrayed that we were firm on our choices and knew what we were doing, the salespeople didn't give us too much trouble.

B loves the car! I like it too, and it would be inaccurate to say that I can love a car that I can't even drive. It's a manual, so I should probably learn sometime from a non-family member. The color and paint job is really beautiful, and it's definitely a much nicer car than we ever expected to own at this stage in life. As much as we loved the Scion, we both feel much safer in this. And the trunk space is enormous! Helpful for IKEA trips in the far future. B was itching to drive it around more last night, but if you noticed, the clouds had descended on Austin. There was only 30-40 feet visibility, which is crazy foggy. It felt like you were inside a humidifier when you stepped outside.

After that we accomplished that massive task, it was pretty late, neither of us felt like cooking, so we went over to New Oriental Market for some grub. Initially, I considered being offended by the name, but the market is run by Koreans who just named it themselves. At $5 a plate for Korean food in the attached restaurant, it may very well be the best deal in town. And it's a lot of food, too. Can't forget to mention the free broth/soup, and the handful of fermented, steamed and/or marinated banchan dishes that come with each meal. It's a stellar avenue for familiarizing yourself with the cuisine, as none of the dishes are too exotic. Usually we stop by the fridge for imported canned sodas, coffees or juices. I've been on a McCol kick- it's barley Cola. Pretty rad retro design too.

Been laying off on the natural craze lately. But, I have to make one comment about green dish soap. They are wretched! We bought two expensive kinds of "natural" dish soap and washing the dishes was agonizing. The oil never really left the dishes. Watch out for the offerings of J.R. Watkins and Earth Friendly. I recently read about a new line of non-toxic cleaners called Better Life that I'd like to check out. Walgreens has them in stock, which shocked me, since Walgreens specializes in conventional supplies and a lot of cheap, off-brand, made-in-China paraphernelia. It really is an odd store- I should know, as I have spent way too many 15 minute segments wandering around waiting for my film to print or prescription to be filled. Anyways, the line was started by these two dads concerned about their new childrens' well-being in the house. (No, they're not a couple or gay.) Here's a radiant review. I'm particularly interested in the floor cleaner, as my allergist advised that I stop using my vacuum on the hardwoods and wet mop. (But if you have to vacuum and you have allergies, keep out of the room for at least one hour so the dust can settle.) Well, on second thought, I might as well stick with white vinegar as the most economic and safe option. After I finish my bottle of Clorox Green Works.

On Monday, after a 2.5 hour test involving 40 or so pricks and 30 needles, I was informed that I was highly allergic to dust mites, cat dander, and a slew of pollens. Western Cedar, Mountain Cedar, Juniper, Mountain Oak, Bermuda Grass, Ragweed.. The unfortunate truth is that there are pollens I am allergic to every month.. so I might as well never go outside and keep the windows closed. I also learned that dust mites live in bedstuffs and that I have to get special encasings for my mattress, duvet, and pillows. Oh, and also wash the duvet cover, sheets, and pillowcases once a week in 140 degree water. Still trying to figure out what thermometer to use to test the hot water setting on the washer.. And "no pets in the bedroom." We've tried that the past few days, but Snorri is really hurt by this and mews pathetically all morning outside the door. I'll probably also get some anti-dander shampoo for the cats. Basically, my life just got a good deal more inconvenient, if I choose to follow this advice. An effective but stupidly expensive option is to get allergy shots. It's something like twice a week for 6 months, and then a more spread out schedule for 5 years. And it's like thousands of dollars. That's not an option for me, but it would be nice to be able to breathe clearly one day. My mom suggested that I look into natural/herbal remedies. Maybe. B is pretty skeptical about alternative medicine, and I must say that his skepticism has rubbed off on me.

Goodbye, Scion

2009-12-08T15:15:00.010-06:00

It was a quiet rainy evening on Sunday. Instead of just plopping down on the couch to watch yet another TV show, we went out for a night drive. With no real destination in mind, we meandered around 2222 and 360. We stopped at Mount Bonnell and tromped through a few trails in the dark. Then we got the ever-windy Redbud Trail. On the first curve, B understeered, then oversteered to correct it, then way oversteered and we plowed straight into the Westlake United Methodist Church sign. We were not hurt at all, despite the fact that the airbags both went off. After a lot of waiting in the rain, getting a tow truck to come out, talking to the police, getting a rental the next day and getting ripped off, finding out that we have to tow it to another shop, we found out our poor Scion is totaled. And we've only had it for three months. On top of that, the gap insurance I purchased through the Toyota dealership in town did not carry over after I refinanced the loan. And, the settlement is actually lower than the payout on the car mostly because we paid too much for the car in the first place (due to ignorance and getting swindled by salespeople), so instead of ending up with extra money, our down payment pretty much goes down the drain and we owe an additional amount (the gap) on the loan. Very, very uncool.

We found a Mazda3 hatchback at the local Mazda dealership in our price range, so we're probably going to get it. It's funny, but I've been infatuated with that car for years, ever since it came out. It is much sturdier, faster, heavier, and overall better than the Scion. Thankfully, I didn't have to pay for another rental car today, because our friend Dallas let us borrow his car. It's been a whirlwind these past two days getting the paperwork completed and going back and forth between the auto shop, rental agency, credit union and the dealership. I went back to Flamingo Automotive this morning to get a rental car (only $25/day), but they had none available, so I biked instead. I'm pumped that my water-repellent (vs water-resistant) raincoat is getting put to good use. I was toasty and warm on my bike except for my face and fingers, which were wet and freezing. And then the whole rain on glasses thing is super annoying as well.

Here's to hoping that we'll stop hemorrhaging money soon. But mostly, I am grateful that neither one of us was hurt, and that we have padding money from the wedding to help us get through this. I've been keeping my parents updated, and they said they had to learn the same expensive mistakes. Albeit once for each lesson. Hope we learn too. It's shitty that everyone is out to get your money and if you aren't informed, then they most definitely will.

Not Supertasty

2009-12-06T01:30:00.007-06:00

Today was a day for a great realization. We had dinner last night at Shilla, a Korean restaurant, and it was a common meal experience. B ordered a good deal of expensive food and praised each bite, while I, wanting to offset his lavish habits, ordered a small dish and ate to quell my hunger. Specifically, he ordered sushi (smoked salmon, caterpillar roll, spicy tuna) and sundubu jigae, while I got a clear broth soup with pork short ribs and veggies. Afterwards, in our analysis, I looked around the table at our various dishes and the 10 small dishes of banchan and concluded that I was pretty much over Korean food. I had tasted each of the dishes, familiarized myself with their flavors, and found no particular desire to have them again. B, on the other hand, savored and loved his food. He talks about food, its flavors and mouthfeels, when he's eating it. And then he called me a supertaster.

I looked it up this morning, took a few informal short quizzes, and found out that I may be and probably am a supertaster. A supertaster is someone who has more tastebuds than the average person, is put off by strong tastes (like bitter, sugar, fat), prefers "bland" food, and is a picky eater. Part of me was hugely relieved that there is a term to describe people like this. I always thought I was weird and felt ashamed that I could not appreciate a wide variety of foods, since that is somewhat of a prized ability. For example, when people ask me about my preferences, I always offer that I don't really like cheese, except for white cheeses that do not have a strong flavor. Like mozzarella. Or gruyere. I can do pizza or Italian food. As a kid, I remember giving my mother a hard time whenever she tried to get me to eat a grilled cheese sandwich. She probably just wanted me prevent me from developing osteoporosis later on in life, but whenever I was asked to take a cheesy bite, I would gag and be unable to swallow. Pretty soon I made such a ruckus and even cried sometimes that my parents gave up. Same with milk, cream cheese, cheesecake, cream frosting. My brother and I were notorious for scraping the cream clean off our birthday cake slices (and wiping the fork) before even taking a bite. I now wonder why we never considered getting another celebratory dessert after all those years.

This self-label can liberate me from the fear of being abnormal in this category. Now I no longer have to feel guilty when I don't share B's zeal for a dish. Instead of beating myself up for not being receptive to new experiences (I will generally try something even if it looks distasteful), I can just accept that is how I am. I will admit that I used to enjoy eating a lot more, and that dishes I used to love are oddly uninspiring to me now. Like, I never suggest Thai places anymore, because I feel like so many of their dishes are all way too sweet. And I am completely over Mexican/Tex-Mex. Too many years of eating refried beans (hate the texture), forcing down shredded yellow cheese, and stinky flour tortillas. And I have yet to find a good dessert place in town. Usually, to satisfy an inconveniently strong craving, I will go to Quack's in the neighborhood for a quick fix. But their pie fillings are somewhat dry and the crust is eh. I've also tasted too many bad desserts in this town: Whole Foods has a gross, overly sweet dessert section. All their offerings are uninspiring and mediocre, at best. Bountiful Bakery and Sugar Mama's both make sugary bars that I found inedible. The main things going for Tiff's Treats is butter and sugar, neither of which impress me in a cookie. I strongly believe that people should have higher standards for dessert. The only place I have found worthwhile dessert is at Pie Slice (chocolate coffee pie only), and at nicer restaurants in general.

B gave me a look when I recently announced my favorite dish at Mandola's: thin pasta tossed with olive oil, garlic, basil, and fresh tomato. He prefers to go for more flavorful food, such as cured meats, organ meat/offal, strong beers, fish, etc. Tonight we ate at Peche for his belated 25th birthday dinner. It was a three-hour affair. I have to admit that I felt very much out of place there, since everyone was very much moaning from delight over their fine food and mixed drinks, and I thought everything was either OK or not for me. Can't remember the last time I thought a meal was awesome. I really yearn for that sort of culinary enjoyment, but unless some taste buds get killed off or my brain changes, it's not gonna happen. It stinks.

I think I can

2009-12-04T14:57:00.008-06:00

Post Linked-In browsing session. Made me feel like shit. I know it's bad to compare, but too late. What can I say? Business and technology titles and jargon that I don't understand greatly intimidate and impress me against my will. Besides the wildly successful connections in my age group, even the artists have hearty profiles with a good deal of experience. At least they're building on something they love, knowing they will eventually get to their destination. While it frustrates me to no end that I am not building on anything, and I don't know where I want to go.

And then I get anxious that I am doing not what I "should" be doing, whatever that is, and it creates more anxiety and prevents me from doing anything, really. Rotten cycle.

Really good new Animal Collective song (left-click). Everyone should listen to them. Their music is enormous: at first challenging, then ecstatically poppy. See 5:04.

Waiting

2009-12-01T19:03:00.005-06:00

Sitting here in the lobby of the Sofia Hotel in San Diego. It's pretty dece. Nora caught some sort of bug today and is not doing too hot, so our fancy dinner plans at Dobson's had to be cancelled. Now I'm waiting to grab some food from the hotel lobby. Apparently the happy hour menu is dine-in only, but I don't really want to rub elbows with two older businessmen in there. Even if it means forgoing housemade sangria.. I trudged through a whole day of Powerpoint presentations. About HR policies and practices. Starting at 8 AM. Just realized that I know very little about my profession. Clearly, they keep me away from all the decision-making. Which is weird that they sent me on this $1200 conference. Shrug.

I have been texting B all day out of pure boredom and loneliness. It feels off not having him around in this new place. Then we could at least laugh at the same things at the same time. Instead, I have to tell him about how I hate groups and hate being forced to network so I attached myself a woman who just came over from Austria, since foreigners are generally less confident and thus nicer, and how I was about to talk to this girl at lunch but then she opened her mouth and sounded just like Sarah Palin, awful northern accent-wise, and how I wore a Gap button-up shirt whose 2nd button (boobs) kept unbuttoning which is why I never wore it anymore but I forgot that, so I was uncomfortable the whole day and nervous about exposing myself.

Alrights, I'm out.

Excellent 4-Day Weekend: Thanksgiving

2009-11-30T15:52:00.018-06:00

B and I celebrated a joint Thanksgiving with both of our families this year. After a grueling 4 hour drive with stop and go traffic and multiple pee stops, we arrived in Dallas late Wednesday night. We went to my cousin's house in "Useless" (Euless) Thanksgiving Day and had a lot of super tasty Chinese food, plus a roast turkey. I baked a blueberry crisp the morning of on the fly, since Marie Callendar's refused to hand over a prepaid pie when we tried to pick it up the day before. Inept workers. It was also B's 25th birthday, and my parents bought him a cake and a gift I helped pick out. He wasn't expecting that at all, which I loved. Then we took 121 across town to B's uncle and aunt's house in McKinney. They had been frying turkeys all day and I tried one for the first time. I kept going back for more of that crisp and flavorful skin! The rest of the weekend was uneventful and awesome. B caught up with some of his shows on my dad's big screen HDTV, I reread through some of my college notes for kicks, I learned a song on the harmonica, and ate lots of leftovers. The whole family made a grocery trip together, and although that is generally a boring affair, I was excited to have B along. It is also one of the last few times I'll be able to hang out with my parents for a while, as they have plans to move to China for missions work. We'll see. We went back to Austin on Saturday, after spending the afternoon in downtown McKinney, and had another relaxing day to spend before the workweek started up again. I forced myself to bike in the evening, my first ride in weeks. It was to the Capitol and was moderately difficult because it was windy and lightly raining. I wished my rain jacket had come in already, as my cardigan was not cutting it. It was odd coming home to a super heated house with B sound asleep on the sofa, By Any Means blaring on the telly. Back to inertia.

We spent most of Saturday in downtown McKinney with B's uncle, aunt, and 2 cousins. It boasts a handful of fine restaurants and even a British pub. We went to the local butcher to get some chili bricks to take home. B's uncle boasted that it was made with quality meat cuts, not the crappy stuff. We had already handed over the cash before we found out that the meat wasn't local. Oh wells. We made some yesterday, adding some canned tomatoes and black beans. I didn't take any photos because chili generally looks gross, especially at a low resolution, but it was not bad! Very meaty.

Lazy boy.

Other lazy boy.

B's been making a lot of mulled wine lately. Just simmer a spice packet in cheap wine. He loves that stuff. It is very economical, compared to the craft beers he normally buys.

I'm going to be in San Diego for the next 2 nights and days. HR Generalist conference. Wooh. Hopefully I'll be able to meet up with Nora & Colin tomorrow night. I promised B not to get into too much trouble while I was there, so I won't be roaming the streets at night. I usually like to wander around a city as much as I can when I'm on a work trip by myself. Even if it's suburban awful and doesn't have any sidewalks, like Metairie. I can only take so much cable TV, so we'll see..

Conscious Consumption

2009-11-25T15:44:00.011-06:00

B and I watched the documentary The Corporation last night, and it was long and scary. Basically, corporations have taken over the American economy and are ruining the world. Because they have they masterfully gotten the legal system to consider them "persons," they can get away with bad deeds such as producing too much of an unneeded product, employing advertisements backed by psychological research to get you to buy their products, use child labor, exploit workers by paying stupid low wages, trick the government into OK-ing a product that has been proven harmful, selling the unsafe product, polluting our air and water, taking ownership of natural resources, etc etc. I know I'm not the most eloquent writer, but we've all heard about the irreparable damage done by corporations so large that they have no accountability. Even their "green initiatives" are just a tactic to quell public suspicion, while they carry on with the bottom line: profit. The only two hopes are that capitalists will keep "selling the rope that will hang them" and that the public will act differently against unjust corporations.

Again, as the credits rolled, I found myself wallowing in a pit of guilt. But then B reminded me that feeling guilty does nothing.. it just makes you feel better later after you are done feeling guilty because you felt something. It's true. We then started really examining our lifestyles and started a serious conversation. I was previously really turned off by the green movement, 1- because I didn't feel like it could do any lasting good, and it seemed like the majority of people did not care. And 2- it is so annoyingly trendy- those damn rich middle class yuppies. But if everyone sympathized with point 1 then nothing would ever change. And remove all the trendy baggage and the point is still ever so relevant. What have we, as a couple, done with this burgeoning knowledge?

Food: Thanks to Erin and Andrew, we've made our first married grocery trip to Wheatsville Co-op. I had a membership in college, but the high prices really turned me off, and after that membership expired, I could not bring myself to pay the extra 50 cents to $1 for each item. They've since changed that system, and as a member, you get discounts on certain items. (We are not members.) This trip was spurred by watching Food, Inc., and sleeping in on Saturday two weeks in a row and missing the downtown Farmers Market. We went armed with a purpose- to buy only local produce and meat. I understand that at those health stores, it's the stupendously expensive snacks and drinks that suck your wallet dry. Not a huge problem when you realize that those things aren't really food (meal food), and you should not buy them regularly. To have the comparison of HEB-priced snacks is helpful because it's still fresh enough to cause you enough mental pain to resist paying $5 for a tiny box of crackers.

Analysis: The produce is labeled with state or country of origin. I was disappointed to find that they sold non-organic items, and they also had a pretty small local section. I guess by pretty small I mean that the entire section is not local, woefully. I think a farmers market or planting your garden is the way to go on this one. I found out about a community garden in our neighborhood off 45th and Eilers run by Austin's own Sustainable Food Center. (They're the guys who put on the weekly Farmers Market downtown and at the Triangle.) We're still considering getting a plot- it is $40 a year plus volunteer maintenance. Anyways, back to Wheatsville. The meat section was more impressive. They have a freezer full of a variety of meats from nearby farms, and they are labeled by how far the meat had to travel to get there. We purchased some ground beef, chicken and sausage. The ground beef was something like $8 for half a pound. It sounds insane, but think about it: in what other way are you paying dearly for really cheap meat? Your health. And for those of you who care, the well-being of the animal. It's just not worth it. B was a bit put off bv how little meat we purchased, but after we made burgers, he was more enthusiastic about it. The meat also tasted different to us, as it should. I could not put my finger on it, but it was not bad at all. The burger was pretty great, actually. And I felt good not eating the meat of 1000 corn-fed, antiobiotic-pumped, manure-contaminated cows. In regards to money, we did not spend our entire weekly grocery budget!! Yes, the meat was much, much more expensive. But all we bought was meat, veggies, fruit, yogurt and bread. We're used to "treating" ourselves weekly with real-sugar sodas, chips, bulk section items, anything fun looking that catches the eye. It's good to only buy what we need. I'm happy we have fully weaned ourselves from HEB, and the next grocery I want to check out is even closer, Natural Grocers. I'm proud of B for joining me on this journey, especially since guys can sometimes be "whatever" about food, as long as it tastes good.

Clothing: Still thinking about this one. I'm quite sure the majority of the clothing I own is not sold by socially responsible companies. My new Cheap Monday jeans are made in China. Not good for stimulating the local economy. I get the occasional bargain-priced item from Forever 21. I'm guessing they have egregiously bad labor practices.. why else are the clothes dirt cheap? But girls don't care. And sadly, Urban Outfitters is basically the only place you can get fashion-forward clothing without breaking the bank. But not only are most if not all of their womens' clothes all made in poor Asian countries, they are also not made to last, and they unabashedly steal their looks from high-designers. I've always been very put-off by their shoddy construction, but I begrudgingly keep shopping there for fear of becoming irrelevant, style-wise. I know it's dumb, but it's hard. B and I agree that for now (and this is something he has always done), just wear what we have until we wear it out. This somewhat bleeds into Christmas gift territory, as I like giving my brother clothes as gifts. Instead of the cheap American Apparel cardigan I had been eyeballing from a bulk eBay seller, B and I decided to go with Alternative Apparel (see their Social Responsibility section) instead. Samuel, I hope you are not reading this. I generally like American Apparel because it is plain and made in the US, but I have heard cases of employee mistreatment and yes, sexual harassment.

While it is encouraging to me that one of the current fashion trends is items (hand) made in America, it disheartens me that this is just an impermanent trendy ideal. And that people who wear the same outfits for years and years get their unwanted 15 minutes of crazy bright spotlight, and are never mentioned again.

Regarding the Christmas gift-giving tradition, our extended family has always gotten together and given every kid a gift. I'm still considered a kid. The problems with that are: The economy has gone down and gifts have become cheaper and shoddier to cope. -> Everyone gets the same non-personal gift. I have no issue with my family wanting to spend less on unnecessary gifts. This year, I want to try to encourage our family to toss that tradition and instead, draw names out of a hat and just buy one gift for one person in your extended family. That way, you can put more thought into a gift and that person can get one way cool gift versus ten made-in-China useless ones.

Pets: B brought a good point that if we ourselves are paying attention to what we consume and what companies we support, we should also rethink what we buy for our cats. The Purina stuff we get them is just regular cat food from HEB, and I don't know where the ingredients come from. Clay litter is useful in eliminating odors and clumping, but it is also definitely awful for the environment and for you. Manufacturers employ the method of strip mining to extract clay, thereby destroying acres and acres of land. And the nasty dust in the litter contains a carcinogenic ingredient. We'll probably check out Wheatsville's pet section for alternatives soon.

House: Besides the oft-recommended turning off lights when you're not using them, taking shorter showers, washing clothes in cold water, turning off power strips, and fixing window and door leaks, there is still a lot to be done. Like toilets. 1 flush uses up 1 gallon of clean water. Not only that, we mix our waste with drinking water, which we then have to spend a lot of energy purifying. It's a really inefficient system, especially since our waste could be naturally useful when put in the ground. It's great that some places have installed toilets capable of half-flushes (for when you pee). But I think that toilets in general are not sustainable. It's a quick way to get rid of something gross and never see it again. Think about the hidden consequences. Check out this Boston Ideas article for more on this topic. Still thinking about this one. Can we be sustainable in a house turned green, or do we have to revamp the whole idea of a house? Fortunately for us, people are thinking about this here and there are quite a few "green" houses in town, especially on the Eastside. I'd like to learn more about them.

It's a process for sure. And for the most part, we can only try to do better, not best. And stop buying so much stuff from here on out. We just got a wonderful new couch last weekend from IKEA. The loveseat was not cutting it for us, since we could not both lay down together on it without poking each other in the face or back. It's been great having a larger couch, but IKEA is a large corporation.. This Inhabit post seems to think IKEA has commendable environmentally-friendly practices and rules. It sounds good, but still, the whole idea of a corporation is not sustainable.. Again, solid products that are also awesomely cheap should spur you into doing more research. I know I will be. This is why I'm pleased that we built two of our tables. It was super fun, challenging, and ultimately rewarding. Handmade custom furniture can be very pricey, but it doesn't have to be.

Still working through the whole money thing, as in "how much money should I spend on products that are better for the world?." Why are most products manufactured under socially responsible means so expensive? Are you paying more for the good "green label" feeling? Because right now, I don't see how those alternatives are a true option for most people. Then there's the argument that we should own less in general- there is no need for a closetful of clothes. True. Fashion may be an enormous ruse created by companies to drive purchases, but it's so compelling. For many people, it's an integral part of their identity. I can definitely identify. Anyways, sorry for the gargantuan post. I'll be thinking about this more from now on. Not because I really want to (it's really, really inconvenient!), but because I am compelled to. Some coworkers I talk to about the industrial food issue can sympathize, but throw their hands up and refuse to think about it further because they feel helpless. But I don't think that we are helpless, especially as we are so privileged. Terrible norms have always existed in history, and when people worked to change them, sometimes they succeeded. B and I half-joked about how we weren't going to have kids because people are awful for the world. Still working on a good answer to that one.

Glenn Tipton

2009-11-20T13:28:00.004-06:00

Cassius Clay was hated more than Sonny Liston
Some like K.K. Downing more than Glenn Tipton
Some like Jim Nabors, some Bobby Vinton
I like 'em all

I put my feet up on the coffee table
I stay up late watching cable
I like old movies with Clark Gable
Just like my dad does

Just like my dad did when he was home
Staying up late, staying up alone
Just like my dad did when he was thinking
Oh, how fast the years fly

I know an old woman ran a donut shop
She worked late serving cops
Then one morning, babe, her heart stopped
Place ain't the same no more

Place ain't the same no more
Not without my friend, Eleanor
Place ain't the same no more
Man, how things change

I buried my first victim when i was nineteen
Went through her bedroom and the pockets of her jeans
And found her letters that said so many things
That really hurt me bad

I never breathed her name again
But I like to dream about what could have been
I never heard her calls again
But I like to dream

Death N TX

2009-11-19T15:39:00.016-06:00

I don't bike too much anymore.. I should. I tried working out by biking alone after work, but it was surprisingly boring. No destination, no riding partners, no adventure. That lasted a day. B has been riding on an exercise bike at work, and he has developed a good routine. Last weekend, we rode a bit on the East Austin Studio Tours. (And yes, I did get to check out the Iona Handmade Books. So lovely, but unjustifiably expensive..) But it was mostly socializing; that's how group family rides tend to turn out. Exercise in general bores me. There has to be a larger goal or some sort of game involved, which is why I've always enjoyed playing team sports. In fact, I've started playing ultimate frisbee with B's old crew on Saturday afternoons. I'm always happy to participate in healthy competition, especially if getting my heart rate up is incidental. The first time I played, I was pretty out of shape and went for 2.5 hrs.. I was sore for nearly a week afterwards! But I healed just in time for the next game. Apparently bicycling only works a small set of muscles!

This is a really minor nitpicky point, but I am still searching for the best way to carry stuff while riding. I have an old big Kryptonite U-lock, which is not small enough to fit into a back pants pocket.
The orange hipster mini u-lock I bought out of vanity last year was so small that I had a good deal of trouble locking my bike up each time. B was pretty frustrated from using brute force to help me lock it up, and I eventually sold the expensive and wildly impractical item.

I've been using a Chrome Dually backpack for more than a year, and it gets the job done . It's better for larger loads, as it is 1000 cu in. But most of the time, I just need a place to put my u-lock, keys, wallet, camera and water bottle. And most of the time, most of the bag is basically empty. Furthermore, it is an art rearranging bulky items so that they don't stab you in the back or cause discomfort after riding some time.

A few months ago, I purchased a classic Carradice saddle bag in an effort to switch over. At the time, I was really won over by the new-old-traditional accessories trend. It was handmade in England- definitely a looker. It was pretty heavy though, and I didn't like the extra weight added to my previously stripped down bike. And the leather straps, as cool as they looked, were a pain to buckle/use. I had also purchased a quick release system for it, so I could take it off after I got off my bike. It was quite unwieldy though, without having a strap or bag handle. It was OK but one night I used it, I lost my wallet. And this was the night before my flight to Hong Kong. Lots of trouble and scrambling ensued over the loss of my credit card for identification, and I had to buy a whole other plane ticket.. So I no longer use that bag. Cursed!

A long while back, I bought a Zugster hip pack to replace an old messenger bag. Out of vanity again. I think I only used it once, as clamping a heavy bag to my hip proved to be very uncomfortable. Some people I know have front or rear baskets, but that just runs into the weight issue. Panniers are getting more popular, but that is also more weight, and makes more sense for a commuter. B's small Chrome messenger bag is a good size and works well for him, but I could never go back to messenger bags- they smash your boobs! Maybe I should just get over feeling weird that I don't fill my backpack up usually. It feels odd that it flaps around, but until someone makes a half-size pack (specifically for women, maybe?).. And hopefully lesson learned, all the accessories I bought in the past because they looked cool, well they have not ever worked out. Function over form!!

Speaking of pretty bags, these are pretty and I love the Texas mention. Glad to know that good things can come out of Dallas. That means there is hope for me, right??

Death and Texas Etsy site

Image sources: bike tires direct, rakuten, calhoun cycle

Art of the Trade

2009-11-13T12:13:00.021-06:00

Lately I've become enamored with handmade trades. Frankly, I'm very disinterested in working for a large business or corporation, learning about its inner workings and using that knowledge for my own gain. I don't know anyone who truly enjoys working in this kind of environment. Who really loves Microsoft Excel with a passion? Who loves filing tons of paperwork? Or being on the phone for hours each day? None of that is intrinsically fun or rewarding to most people. Sure, there's money in it, but how often do people buy into the idea of money over time, enjoyment, and other people? Far too often here in the US. B and I were talking last night, and we were both be very happy if our income stayed about the same our whole lives (only accounting for increases due to standard of living, and for kids). We have more than enough for ourselves. There are deeper, non-monetary experiences to be found elsewhere.

Recently, I've looked into and learned a lot about two tiny companies whose products I like and whose history I respect. Both use traditional craft techniques to create extremely durable goods.

BillyKirk is a brother duo in New Jersey that handmakes leather goods. They have been in business since 1999, but are only now starting to make huge waves in the fashion industry. I checked out their wares a few years ago, and was particularly drawn to this bag, but wrote them off as another expensive accessory maker. In actuality, their story is quite inspiring. They were apprenticed under a leather maker for three years, and they get all their leather from the Amish communities nearby. Their products are well-crafted and made to last a long time, if not forever. Funny how durability comes and goes as a trend, since inherent to the definition of a trend is disposability. Even though American-made rustic goods are extremely trendy now, it really speaks to the Bray Brothers' credibility that they are truly committed to and love their work and have been doing it for many years. Read more of their story of origin here.

I first heard about Iona Handcrafted Books this morning, actually, when I was scrolling through the E.A.S.T. list of vendors. I did the whole tour last year on bike, and although it was fun, I don't feel much need or energy to do the same this year. Still, I had time to kill at work and the "handcrafted book" company name caught my eye. Going to her website, I saw some astonishing bound leather books with handmade paper. I was especially moved by the beautiful watercolor drawings in the gallery. An Austinite named Mychal makes all these books by herself! Her story, starting from how she learned her old craft from an Italian bookbinder, is also really inspirational. Totally speaks to finding out what you love, working hard at making and promoting them, and reaping the rewards (albeit after possibly many years- she started in 1992). I love that her products are purchased by people all over the world, and also that her studio is participating in a massive community art event.

When I spoke wistfully of the trade, B reminded me that business is involved as well. Except that you have to do it all yourself, and not rely on an organization to work out all the kinks for you. Just because you have a good product doesn't mean that you will do well. Very true. So many people sell amazing (and awful) handmade items on Etsy, yet most of them probably don't make a living doing that. Seems like that is the more common situation. Hmm, more thought needed.

You are what you eat

2009-11-12T13:29:00.026-06:00

B and I finally watched the documentary Food, Inc. last night. It doesn't really compete with other blockbusters films as being equally exciting or mindlessly entertaining, but we felt like we needed to see it. And I'm glad we did. We were planning on having burgers tonight, but I decided I didn't want to do that anymore. Did you know that up a burger patty is made up of up to 1000 different cows? Cows that are being fed corn (get fatter faster), pumped full of antibiotics, and stand all day in their own manure? And their hides eventually get plastered with manure, and are skinned when slaughtered, but the whole process is so fast that they aren't all cleaned off properly? Sick. Yes, this is the meat we buy at the supermarket, and why it is so cheap. It also scares me that so much of our food is made of GMOs now, and that the food industry is not required to label items as such. I'm not going to go into all the details about this movie, since other reviews summarize it much better. But by the time I finished the doc, I had sworn off meat, vegetables, all grocery stores, processed foods, and America. Again, it all boils down to more profit and complete power. Funny how that works, since the people in control are eating the same food we are.. Idiots. But the ones who suffer the most under this system? As always, the poor. Cheap food is awful for you. Why is a fast food hamburger cheaper than a head of lettuce? The film states that 1 in 3 Americans born after the year 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime. That is insane. Corn and soybean, which are both heavily subsidized by the government, is found in 90% of our food products. The food industry is slowly killing us all. Another desperately timely reason to champion economic equality, à la Sweden and Japan. Are we living in dire enough times?? Everything is not OK.

I hope we're not all mutated, disabled, or dying horrible deaths in the next few decades because of the "food" we have been fed. I'm starting to think that the only people who can come of out this unscathed are the ones living off the land, growing their own vegetables, raising their own animals, and rejecting all industrial food and products. (The Amish..?)

As always, you cannot rest on your laurels by only buying food with the "right" labels. They are intentionally mindboggling and misleading to conscious consumers. Example. Also, aside from false labeling, organic food isn't necessarily better for you, and it's quite bad for the environment, due to all the transport costs and emissions. Buy produce in season! In all, B and I were thoroughly disgusted, and we will try hard to not fall back on old convenient ways of getting food. We're going to check out the Austin Farmers Market and the Sunset Valley Farmers Market this weekend. (Tips on how to save money at farmers markets.)

Oh yea, and maybe watch out for BPA in canned foods. Consumer Reports did the test.. odd that the cans weren't initially tested by the manufacturers, huh? Oh wait- no surprise there.

If you are not familiar with the industrial food battle, please watch this film!

The Spirit Level

2009-11-11T16:18:00.006-06:00

There is no reachable "good enough" point in the American economy and workplace where we can all cease to push harder and be able to operate at a defined, stable pace. A new book, titled The Spirit Level: Why More Equal Societies Almost Always Do Better, was recently published in the UK. Here is a review of it. Countries with more equality built into their economic systems (such as Japan and Sweden) tend to fare better as a whole: less violence, less mental health problems, and yes, less wealth. And countries with very unequal socioeconomic groups fare poorly as a whole, rich and poor. That means you and me!

This is something we're probably all aware of, but nobody really knows how to remedy it. (Or is it that obvious? The poor just want to be the rich someday, the middle class want to be richer, and the rich want to be even richer.) How does the privileged American take a few steps and back and say no to what seems like more good things (wealth)?

Useful Desires

2009-11-06T11:30:00.008-06:00

Been pretty unmotivated about hearing new music lately. It's such a chore. This year, I've been paying attention to mostly major releases. Very good stuff from Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear, Bill Callahan, The Dirty Projectors, David Bazan, Kings of Convenience. Instead, I've been revisiting music I used to love years ago. The wonderful thing about some songs is that they are acutely tied to memories. Mostly good, for me. College days with so much free time to do crafts, walk around the neighborhood, stay up late and watch movies, and go camping with roommates and friends. Not that I can't ever do those activities again, but I'll never be able to go back to that special time. One song that we really loved was Patty Griffin's "Useless Desires." In fact, Patty lived a block away from our Duval house at the time. We would sometimes walk by her little green house off 45th, trying to catch her standing at an open window or working in her yard. (We never saw her.) KK, who probably loved her music the most, even once peeked inside her parked car to see what stuff was in there. And one year, we were dressing up for a friend's "100" birthday party- which meant you had to wear 100 of an item. Erin had spent the last few weeks collecting beer bottle labels from her job at the Cactus and on our way out of the house, red-headed Patty Griffin walked by and complimented Erin on her impressive get-up. I have no idea what she is up to now, and she also has moved from Hyde Park.
The lyrics to this song are so, so sad. I think I have a sick inclination of deeply enjoying very sad and depressing songs. It must be really entertaining to me, since my life isn't really sad at all. I used to say that the most beautiful things in the world are sad. Not so sure how true that is, but I would say that the hopelessness in the lyrics couples with the lovely guitar melodies very well. It could also serve as a soundtrack to your pity party of one when you are feeling particularly lonely.

Play the song on Rhapsody

Say goodbye to the old street that never cared much for you anyway
And the different colored doorways you thought would let you in one day
Goodbye to the old bus stop frozen and waiting
The weekend addition has this town over-rated
You walk across the baseball green
The grass has turned to straw
A flock of birds tries to fly away from where you are
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
I can't make you stay
I can't spend another ten years wishing you would anyway

How the sky turns to fire
Against the telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Everyday I take a bitter pill
It gets me on my way
For the little aches and pains
The ones I have from day to day
To help me think a little less about the things I miss
To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this
Walk down to the railroad track and ride a rusty train
With a million other faces I shoot through the city veins
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You wanted to be free
And somewhere beyond the bitter end is where I wanna be

How the sky turns to fire
Against the telephone wire
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Say goodbye to the old building that never tried to know your name
Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye old friend
You won't be seeing me again
Goodbye to all the window panes shining in the sun
Like diamonds on a winter day
Goodbye, goodbye to everyone

How the sky turns to fire
Against the telephone wire
It burns the last of the day down
And I'm the last one hanging around waiting
On a train track and the train never comes back
And even I'm getting tired of useless desires

Font Myself

2009-11-05T20:43:00.009-06:00

I fonted myself (again). At fontcapture.com. But the dumb thing I don't even have Microsoft Office on my home computer, so I cannot use it. This is just the preview. Oh and I totally messed up on the period so I made a big black circle.

I sort of would like to get B's 80-year-old Mema to do this, since she complains about her handwriting getting worse (but really it hasn't). It is gorgeous cursive. She is pretty bummed out that they don't really teach cursive in schools anymore. Handwriting is something of a lost art. B's is almost illegible (it that only partially got him out of splitting writing the thank you cards), but he types very quickly. Trade-off.

Today I realized that success that comes easily isn't that rewarding. Occasionally when people highly compliment me on something, I just brush it off. "It's the camera!" It really is. I have an awesome camera and lens. I just recognize good conditions and then shoot away. "It's just the recipe." And it is! I am pretty darn good at following instructions. It's not so hard to make something edible and fragrant.. I could not even imagine making my own recipes, with the wealth of recipes that exists already. I actually hate experimenting with flavor combinations, because I don't want to make something gross. But I guess that's what you have to do to be innovative and stand out. B likes to experiment. I give him a really hard time when he fails, but I should instead encourage him. That is one thing I will try to learn from him.. to try! I took this quote from Erin's blog: A Woody Allen Quote:

Dream Theater

2009-10-30T15:56:00.004-05:00

From an interview of Michael Moore on RT:

People obviously talk to you a lot about the political stuff, but what do you do when you're not making movies?

MM: I spent the better part of the last year or two restoring a 100-year-old movie palace in the town where I live, and ended opening it up and operating it as a movie theater, and trying it as an experiment as to how to bring people back to the movies. Trying to show how a movie theater should be run. It has been an incredible experience. It's called the State Theater, and it's in Traverse City, Michigan. We've been open about 90 weeks, and of those 90 weeks, about a third of them, we've been the number one theater in the country, box office-wise, for the film that we're showing that week. And nobody's really written about this; it's kind of a "best kept secret" sort of thing. If you look at the grosses of -- like, when we had Lars and the Real Girl, we were the number one theater that week. We've been in the top 10 definitely more than half the weeks we've been open. We've been in the top 10 in the country, box office.

How have you been able to do that?

MM: Well, there are a number of ways. First of all, I've created a wonderful movie theater that's comfortable to sit in. The projection and the sound is perfect. It's a fun place to be. It's a single-screen theater decorated in a 1940s motif; the ushers wear usher uniforms. It's non-profit, it's volunteer, pretty much volunteer-operated; the majority of the workers are ushers. The popcorn and pop is $2 each, and you can get candy for a dollar, so there's no rip-off prices. There's no commercials before the movies other than trailers, and cell phones are banned -- if we catch you on a cell phone or a blackberry, you're banned from the theater for life. You can never come back in.

-=-

Also, on an entirely unrelated note, Baked Frito Lay Chips are baaad. They taste nothing like the original and the texture is slightly better than those cardboard-y Wasa crackers. After I'm done with a munch session, there's all of the guilt and calories, and none of the smug satisfaction. I think I'll stick with the originals and just indulge once in a while.

Sweden, Ho

2009-10-30T13:39:00.016-05:00

This morning, we found Boyd sleeping on my scanner. He seems to prefer black and red furniture, as he only sleeps on my red computer chair, Brook's black desk, and our black couch. He was so cute, all fat and sprawled out with his orange fur gleaming in the sunlight. And the way cats look at you after they wake up from a nap, turning their heads lazily with eyes half-open to gaze at you that says "sleep is bliss." I meant to take a photo, but my camera battery died. He's such a beautiful, languorous darling. I really have begun to prefer Boyd more in relation to Snorri, who is the cause of my disturbed sleep these past weeks. He likes to walk all over us starting as early at 7 AM, doing his signature mew-croak and pushing his face into our faces. To get close to us, he won't hesitate to step on a peaceful head or walk on an unsuspecting belly. The problem is, he'll never get comfortable and will keep doing this for a long time, trying to wake us up. And experience shows that angrily throwing him off the bed 10 times in a row just keeps him coming back for more. This behavior pisses me off because I am super cranky when I get rudely awakened, I dislike cat hair on the bed, and I'm trying to keep the cats away from my face since I might be allergic. The only reason we don't close the door at night is because B secretly longs for Boyd to sleep next to him like in the old days. We'll see how this turns out, as I cannot wait for Snorri to grow up and be a lazy, unintrusive cat. It's really the way I like animals to be.

Writer Rob Horning has a column on Popmatters called Marginal Utility. I used to devour his articles and somewhat freak out about all his warnings of our capitalistic and consumeristic society, but I've since calmed down. His recent post, "How Friendship Became Friending," caught my eye because of the comical title. I won't even pretend to be able to have an intelligent conversation about this topic, because it's difficult (or impossible) to examine the present and what it really means. I'm glad that other people take it upon themselves to do it, and I can only listen and consider. Personally, I am no longer on Facebook because of B. He strongly encouraged me to get off of it shortly after he did the same. I was a little reluctant, but now I'm glad that we're off that bandwagon. It was in my nature to check it way too often, update my profile too often, and care too much about the conversations and interacts I had on there. In a way, it not only supplemented by replaced some of my social interactions, since I am not always comfortable in (physical) social situations. For me, it has been good to be off. I am not sure just how much the article applies to the users of Facebook, but it's definitely the dark side of the social networking coin. I would like to think that mature users intentionally keep up a real social life and relationships in addition to their social networks if they so choose. Perhaps it's just the adolescents, older people, bored housewives, and lonely people who are more liable to succumb to the system.

Last night, B and I hopped over to the Drafthouse to watch Michael Moore's new documentary (or "doc-op"), Capitalism: A Love Story. Realizing that many people denounce him and his work, I tried to watch it with a grain of salt, knowing how one-sided arguments can be. B had never seen any of his films, so I was a little apprehensive that he might hate it. It was, in a word, exhausting. More than two hours of Debbie Downer material that capitalism is evil, immoral, unfair, and bulking up the rich and (figuratively) raping the poor. It focused mostly on the failure of the giant financial institutions, which has been all over the news, but for someone like me who stops paying attention to the news after a while, it was a refresher.

The movie's basic points: Capitalism in America has gone awry and is making the rich richer and the poor poorer. The poor are not rebelling against the system because of the American Dream, that they will somehow succeed and be just as rich later on in life. We know that rags-to-riches stories are widely popularized by few and far between. The rich (corporations) basically own the government, as they fund politicians and then get elected as staff. The banks and government used fear (just as Bush did after 9/11) to get the bailout and $700 billion worth of taxpayer money. American labor is in a sad state because so many of the brightest college graduates, instead of entering the fields of science or math, have entered Wall Street for profit. Greed, profit > people, consumption, backhanded dealings, lies..

Yes this is happening all the time in America. People getting screwed over is what bothers me the most. My family is middle class. I am probably lower middle class, considering my entry-level salary. But still, I can pay rent, eat good food, travel a bit, buy the stuff I want, and have some left over for savings. That is what everyone wants for themselves as a baseline, right? But in living that way, am I complicit in keeping this awful system going? Yes. I don't know how to change it. I most definitely don't want to be destitute. I am fortunate to have parents who taught me how to handle money, and also the resources and knowledge to avoid getting screwed over by the system. I know not to accumulate credit card debt, not to take out loans at crazy rates, read the fine print, etc. B noted that it is so hard to stay afloat when companies are really out to get you like this. It is just so sad that many people aren't aware to watch out for these tactics, and they suffer unnecessarily for their mistakes. But like I said, I can't change this. I am not sure that Obama can change it so much, since change takes forever to happen with a slow-moving government like ours. Right now, I am leaning towards trying to get out. To a smaller place where the people are represented in the government and economy. Where awful, unfair things don't systematically happen to so many people, and where people are not allowed to get disgustingly rich and stay that way. If that makes me a "socialist," then so be it.

Tea Towels

2009-10-29T15:24:00.002-05:00

Cute modern British tea towels from todryfor. Still waiting for dollar > pound.

Etsy ones.

Guestbook

2009-10-29T11:15:00.004-05:00

I love, love, LOVE our wedding guestbook! I just had to scan in some pages for others to see. (Nope, still hasn't hit me yet..)

Marrieds.

2009-10-27T14:06:00.006-05:00

B and I got married! Boy, was it a complete whirlwind. Can't say it has really sunken in yet, though. Whee! It was also so special to have so many of our loved ones present in one space.

Here are some photos by our wedding photographer, Oliver, and from friends/family.

Home

2009-10-23T14:36:00.004-05:00

by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

HEAR IT (from captain obvious)

I just heard this song today. It's so, so full of joy and love! Listen carefully at 3:12. Their live video is pretty amazing too- the two lovers are so exuberant. I dedicate this song to today.

2 More Days.

2009-10-22T13:32:00.002-05:00