Pardon

my lack of updates as of late. I've been thrown in a whirlwind of open doors, closed doors, government regulations, and looming deadlines, as it relates to job opportunities and the terms of my unemployment benefits. I know I'll come out of this with something, but I'm trying to secure the absolute best something possible. What Color Is Your Parachute? is my study guide. Wish me luck!

A Model for Living

"Comparison is the thief of joy." Somebody said that somewhere and it is meant to encourage us to, well, stop comparing ourselves others and try and be happy with our lives. Lately, I've been examining other people's lives, people I know and people I've only heard about, in an effort to look for a loose model on which to base my own. Let's face it, neither you or I are going to craft a totally original, completely off-the-wall life. We aren't all that different from the average of those around us. Right now, I feel like I'm at a standstill, having had plenty of time to reflect on my personhood. If I continue to be lazy, comfort-seeking, and dependent on preset paths, I won't do much at all in this lifetime and I'll face an unbearably crushing amount of regret on my deathbed. Definitely one of my biggest fears. Also, the existence of too many choices is crippling. I also wonder at my avoidance of risk, how it would lead to less opportunities and a less fulfilling life. So many self-help/ business articles urge you to take risks to reap huge rewards. So, who's it gonna be?

My mother. In many ways, I have missed my chance to start out like she did. An immigrant from Hong Kong, she completed her bachelors and masters degree in CS in the states early, and toiled as a test engineer my entire childhood up until I left for college. (She took 5 years off when I was born.) When she decided that she paid her dues and had provided a comfortable environment for her children, she started pursuing a masters in counseling a few years back. She loves helping people, has a heart for the suffering, and is currently amassing her practicum hours in a school talking to at-risk teens.

My father. He had a similar path to my mother, working as an engineer for a defense company for 20+ years. After a religious epiphany (also spurred by the 2000 tech bubble), he switched to a polar opposite field by attending seminary and becoming a pastor, later reverend. In my mind, seminary is no walk in the park with all the dense theological texts you have to absorb, and also learning Hebrew. So for my Dad, a non-native English speaker, this was no easy feat. He was employed at our home church for nearly a decade and cultivated quite a number of fans from the congregation, due to his humor and charisma. He recently accepted a position in the largest church in Hong Kong, citing his boredom with DFW and his desire to travel the world as reasons for the change. Better late than never, huh?

My friend B.W. A recent graduate in film, she works contract editing jobs while shooting independent projects and researching for her sometime feature film in her free time. In short, her life is all about film, a she has realized her passion since childhood. She doesn't have loads of cash and has a tight budget, but she loves what she's doing.

My friend E.W. He is currently in Afghanistan working for a NGO, learning the language, traditions, and cuisine. I have no doubt that he is having the time of his life, and he is growing in ways that I can't even imagine. In a society where college grads are expected to get good jobs and start saving for a house and family, he chose a starkly alternate path. One much less comfortable, more illuminating, more dangerous, one which promises nothing certain in the future. In reading his blog and seeing his photos, I gather that he is experiencing things and gaining a valuable perspective most Americans will never come across or adopt.

My friend T.P. She is a super-busy mother of 3. Her life consists of making sure her kids are fed, clothed, and safe, the errands run, and the house kept relatively clean. Once I asked her what her career goals were, and she paused and admitted that she had not thought about them in years. Nursing, she responded.

My friend L.G. He owns a small bike shop in East Austin and works more than 40 hours a week. This dude's life is all about bikes. He is an integral part of the community, has spent decades working on bikes, and is well-known for his excellent service.

And, some people I don't know. Keith Malloy, a badass Patagonia ambassador who surfs and tackles environmental issues. The grizzled guys at Austin Metal Authority, who hammer and shape metals into functional and ornate pieces at their East Austin studio. Trent, the author of financial blog, The Simple Dollar (that's his full-time job).

Honestly, I can't any see a hint of myself in any of these examples. Alternatively, I could just get pregnant and take on motherhood as an identity and job and relieve myself of this hard reflection. Haha nope.

[As a note, I began writing this blog post as a way of procrastinating learning about accounting basics in preparation for a phone interview tomorrow. Tsk tsk!]

School and Pre-24 Life Never Taught Me

How to deal with seemingly endless failure and rejection, despite my best efforts.

J x Jwest

So..... today I delivered the second punch of the custom food campaign for my application: cookies made by Polkadots. They made them in two days and even threw in two free cookies for good luck. And, I had to tack on a leprechaun cookie in the spirit of today. I dropped the box off at the receptionist's desk, asking her to please deliver it for me since I already saw the recruiting team yesterday, and drove off. Before I even arrived back home, I got an e-mail from the head recruiter exclaiming "THANKS FOR THE COOKIES" and "I've set up a personal interview with you on Friday at 9:30 AM." What can I say, guerrilla marketing for job applications really works!! I'm definitely not the perfect applicant for this internship (no business degree, sadly), but hopefully my enthusiasm for the company and initiative will show through. In the meantime, I'm sending out messages trying to bulk up my profile on LinkedIn, since I have finally accepted the tool as a big player in the recruiting industry. It's a real shame I didn't take advantage of the connections I had while I was still employed at my previous company, so it's catch up time.

Ch-ch-changes

On Monday morning, my trusty little Civic would not start. It is bordering on eleven years old and never had any major problems up until then. I had it towed to an auto repair shop down the road, and enjoyed a walk back through the Hancock golf course. My boss's boss called me to inform me that he was sorry but that my position had been eliminated due to a company reorg, and that employment would be ending in two weeks, with two weeks of severance. It came as a complete surprise and I spent the day in some kind of shock and muted excitement. I haven't liked my job for maybe two years, and I'd been there almost two and a half. It let me get away with being complacent and doing what I needed to do to just get by. I let myself only complete what was asked or required of me, and nothing more. For the past few months, I had been dumped the most menial and tedious tasks that were pretty offensive to have to do. I didn't converse much with my coworkers and eschewed small talk, since it felt pointless and awkward to maintain. After seeing dozens of people get laid off or quit in front of my eyes, I grew confident that my position would not be eliminated any time soon. But all the while, I dreamed of having another job that wouldn't leave me mentally frustrated and pent-up with unused energy each evening. Yet, it was too hard to leave, the excellent benefits, the acceptable salary, the free iPhone and plan, the extremely flexible hours, the stability. So this forced change presents itself as an opportunity for huge growth.

And I'm scared. After turning my brain and motivation off for so long, they have got to be revived. My resume is pitiful, only really appropriate for applying to similar administrative and HR positions. I can do that some more, but really, it would be a large resignation for the rest of my life. People like to say "it's not what you know, it's who you know." And to take it even further, according to my brother, "it's not who y0u know, it's who knows you." And I have not made myself very known to anyone. As I have said before, networking disgusts me. It's not even about the person, it's about how the person can be a tool to help you later on. It's the game that gets you further in life, but I never wanted to learn the rules or even play.

And in the beginnings of my long job search, I'm coming across a common requirement. It's not skill-based, or even experience-based. It goes something across the lines of "you need to be willing to dedicate your waking life to this position. you need to show us that you will do whatever it takes to make this company succeed." Who in their right mind could qualify? To me, no company is worthy of that much life energy. It's just profit. I haven't found it to be much more meaningful than allowing me to live comfortably, and giving me something to do for eight hours a day. This sort of attitude definitely screens me out from being considered for most competitive positions, which is a shame, since it's the healthier one.

I think I can

Post Linked-In browsing session. Made me feel like shit. I know it's bad to compare, but too late. What can I say? Business and technology titles and jargon that I don't understand greatly intimidate and impress me against my will. Besides the wildly successful connections in my age group, even the artists have hearty profiles with a good deal of experience. At least they're building on something they love, knowing they will eventually get to their destination. While it frustrates me to no end that I am not building on anything, and I don't know where I want to go.

And then I get anxious that I am doing not what I "should" be doing, whatever that is, and it creates more anxiety and prevents me from doing anything, really. Rotten cycle.

Really good new Animal Collective song (left-click). Everyone should listen to them. Their music is enormous: at first challenging, then ecstatically poppy. See 5:04.

Art of the Trade

Lately I've become enamored with handmade trades. Frankly, I'm very disinterested in working for a large business or corporation, learning about its inner workings and using that knowledge for my own gain. I don't know anyone who truly enjoys working in this kind of environment. Who really loves Microsoft Excel with a passion? Who loves filing tons of paperwork? Or being on the phone for hours each day? None of that is intrinsically fun or rewarding to most people. Sure, there's money in it, but how often do people buy into the idea of money over time, enjoyment, and other people? Far too often here in the US. B and I were talking last night, and we were both be very happy if our income stayed about the same our whole lives (only accounting for increases due to standard of living, and for kids). We have more than enough for ourselves. There are deeper, non-monetary experiences to be found elsewhere.

Recently, I've looked into and learned a lot about two tiny companies whose products I like and whose history I respect. Both use traditional craft techniques to create extremely durable goods.


BillyKirk is a brother duo in New Jersey that handmakes leather goods. They have been in business since 1999, but are only now starting to make huge waves in the fashion industry. I checked out their wares a few years ago, and was particularly drawn to this bag, but wrote them off as another expensive accessory maker. In actuality, their story is quite inspiring. They were apprenticed under a leather maker for three years, and they get all their leather from the Amish communities nearby. Their products are well-crafted and made to last a long time, if not forever. Funny how durability comes and goes as a trend, since inherent to the definition of a trend is disposability. Even though American-made rustic goods are extremely trendy now, it really speaks to the Bray Brothers' credibility that they are truly committed to and love their work and have been doing it for many years. Read more of their story of origin here.


I first heard about Iona Handcrafted Books this morning, actually, when I was scrolling through the E.A.S.T. list of vendors. I did the whole tour last year on bike, and although it was fun, I don't feel much need or energy to do the same this year. Still, I had time to kill at work and the "handcrafted book" company name caught my eye. Going to her website, I saw some astonishing bound leather books with handmade paper. I was especially moved by the beautiful watercolor drawings in the gallery. An Austinite named Mychal makes all these books by herself! Her story, starting from how she learned her old craft from an Italian bookbinder, is also really inspirational. Totally speaks to finding out what you love, working hard at making and promoting them, and reaping the rewards (albeit after possibly many years- she started in 1992). I love that her products are purchased by people all over the world, and also that her studio is participating in a massive community art event.

When I spoke wistfully of the trade, B reminded me that business is involved as well. Except that you have to do it all yourself, and not rely on an organization to work out all the kinks for you. Just because you have a good product doesn't mean that you will do well. Very true. So many people sell amazing (and awful) handmade items on Etsy, yet most of them probably don't make a living doing that. Seems like that is the more common situation. Hmm, more thought needed.

the velvet rut

My friend Maggie sent me this excerpt. Looks like I am in the early stages. Shoot. Edit: Apparently she was referring to Austin. I'm not afraid of leaving it though.

Humans are creatures of habit and often guilty, unintentionally, of lapsing into patterns that can, and often do, adversely impact many areas of their lives. As youngsters we tended to resist responsibilities and when allowed to continue, soon learned rules aren't for everyone - "if you're smart." When such patterns were allowed to develop, and as we grew older, we began to look for short cuts in every task we faced, no matter what, or whom, we had to use, in doing so.

The 'Velvet Rut' is where you find yourself in an unfulfilling job in which you are not learning anything new, not using the full extent of your skills and are just bored stiff. You probably disconnected several months ago and are now just going through the motions. The work is no longer stretching. You can do most of it with your eyes closed so you are unlikely to get fired for poor performance. Your level of competence and familiarity with the job means that, while it is not exciting, it isn't scary either. You are pretty much marking time. The difference between the 'Velvet Rut' and any normal rut, is that the pay and benefits are very good. You couldn't get the same amount of money for such an easy life anywhere else.

The longer you stay, the more comfortable the environment becomes because you know the organisation inside out and can therefore work the system. You thus minimise the risk of anything unexpected happening or of being faced with difficult situations. Seniority and good relationships leave you well placed politically, so the pay rises and good bonuses keep coming. You are also too expensive to make redundant because of your long service. You might feel as if your brain is shrinking and sometimes want to scream at the tedium and banality of it all but, in the final analysis, they are paying you way too much for you to pack it in and do something else.