it's a thursday

I wonder how many people actually read this blog. 3? I find my posts becoming increasingly personal, but it's probably unwise to open myself up on the interweb. But every so often, I stumble upon a personal blog that I find amusing and enlightening. (Dunno if mine will be perceived that way to strangers..) A recent example of this is this blog that I've been perusing for the past few days. It's by an ex-arts pastor living in Austin. I first found it by googling 'Toddy Burton', and kept reading because it reminded me so much of the college faith community I was a part of just a few years ago. It's nice to know that there are creative Christians out there who can dialogue intelligently. Beyond the musings on faith and culture, good art, and mention of Andy Crouch, I felt a groundedness (or maybe engagedness) that is missing in my own life. Not that I wanna be all into the new hip culture of Christianity (see comments).. Maybe for me there is an attractiveness about artists who aren't crazy and directionless. Their lives intrigue me. I think that I've always been drawn towards people who are doing something confidently and going somewhere, but now it's high time become one of those people.

As a relative newbie, I'm still on the fringe of my current church community. I don't know most of the people there (college kids, er) and am not invited to every single hangout with the pastor. I've been hanging out at some church families's houses in the evenings lately, chatting, playing with cameras, baking or crocheting, yet I still am an hour late to services (terrible, I know).
But I am also all too familiar with what it feels like to be near the center- comfortable and at rest. Real complacent. Neither are ideal.. where is the place to be? Right now I sorta miss being in the core, and this forces me to consider how I want my current role to unfold. I don't know. And having a somewhat anti-social, completely anti-community boyfriend doesn't help, ha.

No artsy, unrelated photo at the top of the post today. Pictures don't say many words at all

Rough Trade

funny little frog belle and sebastian happy song of the week

I love young couples (and their children)! They are adorable. There's something about their selflessness in setting aside whatever youthful pursuits and dreams they possess to care for a very needy and selfish person that is very, very admirable. It's difficult for me to think about my parents when they were at this stage .. the human life cycle is so fascinating, in terms of attitudes and acquisition of life knowledge as one passes through its stages. Sometimes I agree with the statement below, but I know there is reason behind the created order.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
- George Bernard Shaw

Like everyone else my age and below, I don't know what I want to do. Color schemes really perk my interest. The ideas are there, but the means of transferring to the concrete form is not. Really, art seems so gratuitous in the face of the injustices of this world. Could I focus my working energies on creating instead of caring, and be OK with that?

This weekend has been a whirlwind of meeting many people in the church. It's great in that fellowship is fostered, but I must be careful not to put my need to belong above my need to serve. For some reason, yesterday my tense grip on my time and resources were relaxed and I was able to give some of that away. What scared me in the end was that it pointed me to the call to love the unlovely, something that I have absolutely no inclination to do. And what about terrible hardships that are to come? It is beyond my imagination.