Waiting for Life

Am in Austin! Am sitting in Quack's, enjoying the Internet and getting ready to study a bit, because it is lonely not having people pick up their phones when it's dark and the house is empty. And, for some cruel reason, I do not get cell phone service until nearly 38th street. I live close to 45th. Terrible! So, we painted the rest of the house/ living room yellow yesterday; light yellow, fiery red and teal look great together. Today I went to All Saints Presbyterian Church new location and the drive was absolutely splendid, even though we were never quite sure if we were following the correct directions. I'm talking about view driving up and down the hills of Barton Creek Blvd. off Bee Caves past 360 N. The little things that I love most happen always when I am actually doing something else. Let's explore more of this great city! Other than that, I have been getting to know my roommate, Kristen: she likes hot Cheetos with buttery toast, is reading Naked by David Sedaris (which I can borrow), has the same laptop and headphones as me, and kicked me out of the house this afternoon when she had a male guest. Boy that was awkward. I hope we'll get along swell the rest of the semester. Ah, sorry for the boring post, my brain must be in a studying mode.

Is this the end of fencing as I know it?
Does this sound ok? I guess it's too late to edit now.
Gosh, I never know how to respond assertively to other people pulling me in different directions. I have yet to learn assertiveness.

Letter to my fencing coach:
Hi Paul,

I have been thinking about the club for a good bit this summer (while fencing at Grapevine Fencing Club/ LaTouche/ Gold Blade Fencing Center like you asked me to) and I don't want to be on the national team starting this year, or even do much competing. Let me explain. Fencing is just a hobby for me and winning a nice by product. Even though I love improving and beating up on my opponents, I am not particularly interested in investing all the time and energy it takes to become a good fencer, like all the extra practices, tournaments and workouts. The price is too high and would be paid for at the expense of higher priorities; ultimately, I fence for fun. I'm also flattered that your expectations of me are quite high, but this resulting pressure is also uncomfortable, especially when I don't demand the same performance from myself. I am starting my teaching certification sequence next semester and I plan to focus on preparing for that right now, along with getting more involved in my campus ministry. I hope you understand and accept this decision, because the UT competitive team deserves to have on it the most dedicated and focused fencers. It is not fair for neither you or me if someone in my position is to represent the very best of our fencing team. I talked to James about it and he agrees with my sentiments. Thanks for your time, Paul.

Frances

Pipe Dreams

You've seen the latest surreal Adidas commercial about an "intelligent shoe"; I rather like it, especially the song. Turns out it's sung by Karen O. of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's. Too bad, I thought a newcomer quiet-girl rocker was on the verge of breaking through.

Been listening to "The Engine Driver" off of The Decemberists' latest offering to the world. Jangly, melodic, and very singable, this one may be for you. It's for me too. [I've also been listening to a good bit of Kelly lately. Meaning, Kelly Clarkson. Oh yes, we are already on a first name basis. OK, the way I see it, the only merit of a radio hit is catchiness, and with that, a few of her songs please a part of me.]

On becoming a smoker..

So I decided last night sometime during the mingling time after RUF that I wanted to purchase a pipe. John/Don/Jack Roberson hooked me up with some good info on where and how to start; he really is a neat guy, that John. And it's true that the RUF crowd is fond of tobacco products, namely pipes. [But keep in mind, Lea, that I am my own person and I do things mainly because I like doing them, not because .. of everyone else!] Erin H., Jenn Guetz and I tried them out for the first time at the guys' Steck apartment last year under the kind coaching of tobaccy veterans Garrett L. and Clayton S. It sure was fun. Since Highland Mall houses a Pipe World, I was just going to stop by on the way home after Smart Start this afternoon. And let me say that I almost did, except that earlier this morning, the sensible side of me typed in "pipe smoking" and "cancer" in the same search box and pressed Enter. Needless to say, it decelerated my blazing desires of becoming an intellectual smoker for the time being, and maybe for the rest of life. I'm not one to dabble with future suffering, if I can help it. But don't worry, John, I'll find a way!

A note on Nationals: they went really well. I made the individuals round, advanced to the final pool, placed 6th overall in Women's Foil. This wouldn't have been possible unless I was in the C spot, which I was. It was a combination of strategic workings, Providence, and lastly, just plain effort that brought me such an honorable title. Really, I'm an intermediate fencer. I am being showered with so much praise, most of which I haven't fairly earned. In terms of achievement, I would've made a better boy, eh? And the UT Fencing Team isn't even varsity, it's a tier below, whatever that's called. About team relations, they are slowly but surely improving. Because my teammates are truly themselves, I will respond back by also being myself. I can't dodge rejection and criticism and be a real person. That is something we all must be, real people. It's also awesome how a team bonds together in tough situations and rare opportunities. Anyway, enough jibber-jabber. It's already tomorrow.

Naked As We Came [thoughts on Nationals]

This folky piece by Sam Beam (aka Iron & Wine) has been the soundtrack to my school daze this week.

I'm putting this one up too so that I can d/l it properly (Woman King).

Sigh, I am leaving Austin, my home, for Michigan tomorrow. (Collegiate fencing nationals this weekend at the University of Michigan, if you didn't already know. This could be the case because apparently I don't really talk about my out-of-town trips a lot, especially not to my roommates..) I've been thinking more about my place on the fencing team and how my only contribution is my fencing skill; I don't belong. There are no friends of mine there. This kind of thing could be and was easily overlooked by everyone (or just me?) last year at Nationals in New Hampshire because I was relatively new to the club and behaved like a shy person. Unfortunately, prospects haven't changed much for F. Lee. The one advanced freshman who recently joined the club is more at ease than I am. The team's a rough bunch- they delight in crude jokes, are lazy, dreadfully honest, short-tempered, fond of cursing, they don't try to impress anyone and resist all authority. And if they don't like you, they won't hesitate to brush you off after shooting off a disdainful remark to your face. That's not to say that the team is made up of social miscreants; it's true that many of them will go out of their way to help a fellow fencer in need. I can rely on them at least. I've always been polite, quiet and quite ignorant and I suspect that I'm simply not liked as a person, I'm not interesting or weird enough. This doesn't hurt my feelings, but it does make things more complicated, since I plan to stay in the club as long as I can to further my fencing ability. So I've been debating how much of our ten hour travel time tomorrow and Friday all-day free time will I spend in comfortable isolation (reading, doing Chinese homework, writing in my diary about them) and/or in awkward attempts to create conversation and slip into others' well-formed circles.

On a happier note, I finally attended a night of Rez Week (tonight) and I was not let down. Don Miller is my kind of speaker and I strongly feel that he was probably a very cute baby. He talked about how a lot of the human condition had to do with us needing to be affirmed by other people or God. We all need new perspectives on seemingly old truths, agreed? The last thing he expounded upon was the crisis having to do with thousands if not millions of people being slaughtered by the government currently taking place in Sudan. The evils in the world make us sad, yes, but I know I know almost nothing of the injustices and persecution wreaking havoc on other people groups outside of America. What can I do? How can I know and go on in my daily activities? How can we be disturbed to the point of action?

Something I've come to realize is that I rarely deny myself anything. That's a far cry from Jesus' command for us to deny ourselves, our very desires and follow him. Hello! I can't. I am much too comfortable. One fine day, I know God is going to squeeze all His fed-up-ness into a big rock and let it loose on all my dreams, plans and fancies, things I created without His help.

Ah, it's getting late, but I don't care. Tomorrow can be slept away; there's no need to communicate with any humans.