Feeling New

Hi, today is a good day. I feel so fresh! Thanks to the deliciously cool weather, I don't feel like I'm in Texas at all, but on vacation or something. This feeling may not last very long, but I look forward to this weekend's events (buying out TCBY, going to a friend's play, giving blood, seeing my family) and rest with anticipation.

Today I had to purchase gelato at Texas Expresso after realizing, sample spoon in my mouth, the 'free gelato' coupon I was clutching so triumphantly in my hand had expired just last week. So I got Texican Vanilla and Chocolate Oreo- what a great team. Like any logical person of today, I ate and did my homework outside on the patio. Next to my table was a group of three students/graduates, a girl and two guys, who were carrying on such lively conversations about politics, religion, family, etc. Needless to say, it took me much longer to complete my tedious translation homework, and my pace almost hit a standstill when they started taking hits at Christianity and religion. Some of what they had to say was true, but what kept my attention were their cynical and witty remarks about everything, insulting or not. What can I say, I gravitate towards intelligent people with quick tongues, regardless if I can keep up with them or not. At least they care and know about current events, which is more than I can say for the general young adult population. Perhaps I find them more entertaining than, say, beautiful people who know only how to keep themselves beautiful or (insert your own example). Anyway, when I left, I turned to get a good look at them, and the first word that came to mind: nerdy! But that impression came far too late for any real misdoing.
This reminds me of Benjie's talks at RUF about dating, and one point he keeps on making is for us to date more. This may sound funny coming from a preacher's mouth, but before that exhoratation came an analysis of how selfish and one-sided dating is these days. All we do is use each other, great. Human relationships are at the core of living- nobody wants to die alone. So the point was to date more to get to know the people around you. The real point of bringing this up was not to alienate my readers of the non-faith, but to state that at first glance, I would have probably dismissed those fellows at lunch as not my type of people. "To find out if you love someone, you have to love them first." Is that cheesy? It's so true though.

Sometimes, in lucid moments, I realize how little I know about living well. If I'm honest, I would admit total ignorance all the time. Thank God for His Guidebook! I'm really feeling it right now.

Today in class I learned about capitalism: make money to make more money.
To me, it seems so obvious that people spend too much time doing certain things, like working. I hope I never become a workholic and miss out on life and even the little things we are meant to enjoy.

I don't really know what my life is now in terms of major, career or studying abroad, but it's slowly coming together. And as far as studying abroad goes, I feel like I have beaten the poor dead horse to a pulp in my mind, and I realize that what I want cannot be satisfied in one trip, unless maybe I suddenly come into a large sum of undeserved money. So I think I might just wait it out until I have time to go on such a luxurious trip. There's a better chance that I will be able to in the near future, if I am to be a teacher. Go summer vacation! They took away recess, but that can't take summer away from me.

Ok I really have to go to class, but today after I walked out of the house, I realized I was wearing ALL blue, even my purse, but not including my backpack. How embarrassing.

If I were a playwright..

Here I am sitting at JP's Java, taking a little study break. I decided to come here because even though there are so many coffee shops in the neighborhood, few meet my expectations. I had forgotten how good JP's is. I also love how they put the radio station on the classical music channel - excellent study soundtrack, I must say. Anyway, right when I found "my area" and set everything up on the table, I scribbled away at Chinese and couldn't help but become drawn into a conversation three women were having on the leather couch next to me. Basically this meek-ish/upset student playwright was very annoyed by the fact that one of her older and more experienced directors/actors(?) was being heavy-handed and changing the direction of the script. You know you can't focus on academics when you are emotionally engaged, and I felt myself vicariously reliving her situation as if it were mine..

Playwright girl: "Blah legitimate complaints blah complaints blah blah.. and I'm so angry I could throw up. And blah blah more grievances"

Friend: "Well, did you say that to her?"

PG: "Well, no, but.."
[ACK! This girl's got some assertiveness issues just like me]

--

Friends: "You should tell her! Or better yet, write her a letter."

--

I am the type who expresses so much more effectively and fully in words than in instant-by-instant speech. My brain doesn't work that fast and it's probably a good thing, because it forces me to think things through before replying.

One day last week (I forget which one), I went out and purchased some sweeter tobacco, namely French Vanilla & Honey Clover. In all my excitement and eagerness, I packed the pipe and had a go at it, alone and at night in Duval Villa's deserted BBQ pit area.. I must have puffed too furiously and probably breathed lots of ash because after relighting it ten-ish times and feeling the bowl get very hot to the touch, I suddenly felt extremely lightheaded and sick. So I set the pipe down on the wood bench, stumbled inside and fell on our couch. And then next thing I knew the wooden pit area was on fire! Ok not true, but it was a reasonable fear. Turns out I was pretty much done with the bowl as what I tapped out later was completely ash. I also burned my tongue pretty good a couple times and so for the past few days I've been recovering from numbed taste buds and a scratchy roof. Ugh. This whole pipe dealio has not been as fun as I imagined.. I don't know if my mouth can take any more beatings in the process of cultivating the ability to properly smoke a pipe..

Today in Abnormal Psych we talked about dementia, delirium, elderly depression.. ha, this time I can't relate it to any of my friends, which I always try to do, you know, in an attempt to connect my new knowledge to my world. Our TA described a 1st-year graduate study where one volunteer would be selected and given a MMPI (a personality test). The graduates would analyze this person for practice. MMPI's apparently cost hundreds of dollars to take (not too hefty a price if you want to delve deeper into yourself..) but the catch is that the volunteer must be experiencing a problem that is causing a great deal of stress. I called the woman in charge of the study and she's supposed to call me back today; I think it'd be worthwhile to take a detailed personality inventory once and for all, the thing is, I'm feeling pretty anxious about having to talk about a "problem" with a stranger, and who knows if I'd make a good case for this study. Shaky heart!

Burrs on my brain:


"If you find honey, eat just enough-

too much of it, and you will vomit."

Proverbs 25:16


Friend of PG: "A lot of people think God/Jesus is sexy. Love and sex tend to get mixed up a lot and since God is love, they want to have sex with him. That's probably why some people want to sleep with priests and other religious leaders and stuff."

Confusion between holy and carnal passion? The basis of the Spanish movie El Crimen Del Padre Amaro . I thought the movie was ok.