Other People Are Neat

Write less, learn/laugh/feel more. Links today:

10 Reasons to Avoid Talking on the Phone

On Colleagues (vs Friends)

Hmong Veterans of the CIA's "Secret War"

Pretending to be Christian in Texas

"World Sick" - Broken Social Scene

Alain de Botton

I like this particular Brit. His books are interesting, his tweets lightly thought-provoking (as tweets should be), his Monocle contributions worthwhile. Who is Alain de Botton? I'm still finding out. He's somewhere in between a scholar, psychologist, and a regular guy, something of a well-read self-help sage. Someone who is endlessly curious about the world and how to live, and who presents information in a neat and easily digested form. I enjoyed his book The Art of Travel, if only to be comforted by the fact that I am not the only one who painfully longs to be in a vague, unfamiliar, mysterious place other than where I always am. With titles like The Architecture of Happiness and The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work, how could you resist? This article reports on his response towards a disapproving reviewer of his latest book- he sounds so darn eloquent when "losing his temper"! He had a hand in starting The School of Life, a non-traditional institution offering humanities classes on how to live life better. Here's their blog. As someone who struggles with alienation, I appreciated this lite post about feeling down. Their teachings are attractive to someone like me: thinking about things occasionally, but not terribly deeply, and not interested in delving into scientific and theoretical minutae behind ideas. People with active minds who need a soft kick in the pants to help them contemplate matters of weightier importance. Recent tweets:

"If we let the true impact of events resonate, we'd need hours to process minutes." This truth has always terrified my perfectionist self. It is impossible for us to ever fully experience everything that comes our way, and I feel very bad about that. About missing out on gaining new depths and learning new lessons. The problem with that is that it gets in the way of trying and actually doing.

"Even if we learn from our mistakes, life is continually too new and uncharted for us (me) to avoid outright idiocy on a regular basis." I love this tweet. I live in a constant fear that I am far too behind on maturity and wisdom, and that other (maybe older) people have their shit together. It helps to have a reminder that we're all pretty much bumbling through life, sans rehearsal, and that it's crucial to have a humorous attitude about it all.

From Erin's Etsy:

For more of this set, check out Flickr.

"Acts of Man" - Midlake

To the Order of Night

Slaughterhouse 90201 is one of my favorite new blogs, which is saying something, since I am loathe to add blogs to my daily perusal list. I've been trying to pick up books again, and these finely paired quotes and shows help me on my way. There's an unmatched greatness to being able to say exactly what you want to say in a novel, succinct and readable way. Even though I watch way more (trash) TV these days, I still don't recognize most of these shows. It's worth it to keep scrolling and 'next-ing' until I find one I understand and appreciate. Then I end up googling the book and then probably adding it to my Goodreads to-read list.

Another blog I fell upon today is this one. Dunno who the dude is, just a young guy with brainy and somewhat cynical posts. This post of his berating work-eschewers resonated with me because of his last remark. "Let's be frank: life is defined by how much you do, how often you took the difficult road and were rewarded for it. It is not, and will never be, improved by how much you avoid and scheme and congratulate." Doing isn't the issue for me, it's deciding what to do that leaves me stumped.

Been watching a lot of dance lately. On MTV's America's Best Dance Crew, the Olympics Ice Dancing, at the AFED art auction, and this local video:


Which is odd for me, as I've never been into that type of performance. I'm don't listen to hip-hop/R&B/rap, and nor do I particularly enjoy the times that I hear it on the radio at the store or in a friend's car. Their music videos have always struck me as oversexed and overly glamorous. Plus, the whole cultural hipness factor bothers me; telling the world that you are so cool seems so directly stupid. Subtlety and humility go a long way. Anyways, it may be that my criticisms stem from a personal lack of coordination and knowledge of how to express myself through body movement. The golden years for that were at the end of college and pre-B; my gang and I would go out multiple times a week to whatever bar off Red River was the current place to be and dance all night long. Not that I was any good, but the free-flowing alcohol and crowds of sweaty bodies that gave me a buffer of anonymity loosened me up. My girl friends were much better dancers, as they probably practiced moves in front of floor-length mirrors growing up. I did no such thing, as the sight of my body and of it trying to move scared the heck out of me. It still does, which makes me marvel all the more at people who move gracefully and skillfully (ballet, figure skating, modern dance), or explosively and in sync (street dance, hip-hop, jazz). I see that it takes so much talent and a certain spark, when I look past my feelings about its cultural or artistic connotations.

Another RyanHoliday post of note, entitled "Imaginary Audience," relevant to social media. I have this tenuous, uncomfortable relationship with Twitter, and I haven't quite decided how I feel about using it yet. NOTE: I like to post things that are personally fun and challenging to think about. I don't agree with all of this guy's views (i.e. other posts), and I don't have an opinion about everything he says. Silence doesn't necessarily imply assent. Sorry for any confusion.

Still Coasting

Feeling pretty directionless with so little structure in my day. You can't look for jobs for 8 hours, or even 1. I would like to start working again, if only to keep myself busy. Can't seem to make it funemployment at all. Today I tried this gorgeous looking recipe, and failed horribly. Basically, I killed the yeast because I didn't follow the instructions in the right order. I hate wasting good ingredients.. darn you, temperamental yeast. You and sticky messy dough are the reason I stay away from making breads. I'm not into accumulating flashy kitchen equipment, but this makes me put the ubiquitous Kitchenaid stand mixer on my wish list.

B and I drove to Dallas last weekend with Sam for Chinese New Year. We got to lunch with Mema at Jeng Chi, a Lee family favorite. She was a good sport and tried all the various dumplings, and seemed like she enjoyed the meal. It's always kind of a challenge taking her places, because she is not very mobile and uses a folding walker to get around. And she usually has trouble getting into our low, sporty car. I can't even imagine being so physically restricted, but she has a great attitude. B and I visit her each time we go back to Dallas, as she is so dear to us. Even though I've still got my priorities to sort out, I can't help but admire a woman who has such a big heart. She is 80, but she is super open-minded; B is trying to convince her to get an iPad when it comes out.

For holidays and birthdays, our family in Dallas always gets together for a potluck dinner. The 3 sisters, my cousins, recently bought a house near ours in Plano, and we gathered there. B gets along well with my extended family, although sometimes I feel that he wishes they were a bit more rambunctious. Or drank more. A Chinese New Year tradition is to give or get red bags (red envelopes with cash). Kids get them, parents and grandparents and their older friends give them. I was not expecting anything, since when you get married, you're no longer in the kid category, but we were pleasantly surprised. We all said the standard phrase "gong xi fa cai" to our grandmas and they gave us red bags, B included. He only knew the Cantonese version, but he did better than the other white guy (cousin's boyfriend). My cousin J broke out the board games, and we spent the rest of the night sipping wine and playing Sequence, Rummikub, and poker. Even though we both had off on Monday, we left Sunday night so Sam could get some work done for class the next day. We spent the car ride listening to various Radio Lab podcasts, including a mind-boggling speech talk about the multiverse. It's like swiss cheese, where both the holes (universes) and the cheese meat (space) are ever-expanding...

B and I are visiting some friends in San Francisco next weekend. It always helps to have something to look forward to for getting through the day/week/month/etc. B applied for a job at Twitter (so did I, rejected), which is located there. We shall see. I never keep my hopes up, because they inevitably get dashed.

I changed my website banner. I didn't realize I could use a photo. I guess banners are not supposed to be that large or long, but I sorta like it like that. The photo came from my first roll of 35mm film developed on my Canon SLR. Not only that, I scanned it with a crappy 3-in-1 printer. Gave it a real aged, yellowed look. I no longer have that scanner, since the scan quality was so unacceptable, and personal printers are somewhat hellish to maintain. And well, I just have not been taking any photos lately. Everything seems old in this town. Old and seen. The only real new factor in this town is probably the crazy number of food trailers that keep springing up each week, it seems like. Not just in Airstreams anymore, but even in industrial shipping containers. I've realized that the besides dishes with tons of butter in them, I don't actually have any favorite foods or restaurants. What makes eating fun for me is novelty and good companions. Although I like to bake, I usually don't crave foods I can make myself. It's all about the mystery.

New: Balmorhea - Bowspirit
Surfer Blood - Swim

(mp3 sources: knox road, daily rind)

i believe in everyone

The elven harpist/songwriter Joanna Newsom finally emerges after the mystical haze left by her last masterpiece in 2006, Ys, has long settled. I was so completely enamored with it at the time that I managed to write an entire paper about it in my Western European Philosophy class. All I really wanted to do was pass the class and introduce her otherworldly compositions to another intelligent person. I even forced my poor brother to sit through one of the song, the twelve minute one, I think. It was a very good album, and challenging at times, but we're the type of people to automatically dislike something when other people try in earnest to convince us it is good. So sorry, Samuel. But apparently it didn't turn him off completely to her, thank god, as he was my informant about her new album. Fun fact: her cousin, Gavin Newsom, is the mayor of San Francisco. Weird fact: last I heard, she was dating funnyguy Andy Samberg. She looked better with Bill Callahan.. I was lucky to see both of them perform a few years ago at The Parish, a strong two-in-one.

'81

(mp3 source)

i found a little plot of land
in the Garden of Eden
it was dirt and dirt is all
the same
i tilled it with my two hands
and i called it
my very own
there was no one to dispute
my claim

well, you'd be shocked at the state of things:
the whole place had just cleared right out
it was hot as hell, so i lay me by the spring
for a spell, as naked as a trout

the wandering eye that i have caught
is as hot as a wandering sun
but i would want for nothing more
in my garden; start again
in the hardening to every heart but one

meet me in the Garden
of Eden
bring a friend
we are gonna have ourselves a time
we are gonna have a golden party
it's on me
no siree, it's my dime

we broke our hearts in the war between
St. George and the dragon,
but both in equal parts are welcome
to come along
i'm inviting everyone

farewell, two loves that i have known
even muddied as waters run
tell me, what is meant by sittin' alone
in a garden, seceded
from the Union in the year of '81?

the unending amends you made
are enough for one life; be done
i believe in innocence, little darlin'; start again
i believe in everyone

i believe, regardless
i believe in everyone

(lyrics source: stereogum)

Mad Men and Women

(source)

Been slodging through Mad Men seasons 1 and 2 these past few weeks, unemployment style. 3 years late, yes. It usually happens like this: people won't stop blabbing about something and it annoys the heck out of me for months, even years. Then I forget about being irritated and in one bored moment, pick it up and can't put it down. The characters are utterly fascinating, even though I pretty much despise all of them by now. Even so, I have to keep watching. And the protagonist, Don Draper is 200% man. He exudes a swooning masculinity from the bygone era of the 1960's. (Albeit, an era where women were constantly sexually harrassed in the workplace by today's standards, blacks could only be elevator bellhops and maids, and copy machines were a brand new invention.) He is the creative director and partner of an advertising firm on Madison Avenue, so his professional persona is spotless. Don is the type of sleek, driven, no-bullshit man who will easily rise up in the ranks of management. Additionally, he is a scumbag serial cheater with very serious emotional issues that prevent him from letting anyone in. Because of his complexity and flaws, you can't help but be hooked in to discover the shady past underneath his cool exterior, and observe how he handles each day as his life starts to fall apart.

(source)

His model-esque wife, Betty, is gorgeous, wholesome, and frustratingly shallow, as her life revolves around acting like the perfect housewife. Like everyone else in the show, there is a dark side: she is a terrible mother who not only smokes and drinks constantly (well, everyone in the show does that), but has the emotional maturity of a small child. She is depressed and bored, and goes to a shrink that barely utters a word besides "tell me more." How else could you be if all you did was watch your kids, clean, watch TV, stay in all day, and occasionally get dolled up to go out as the eye candy hanging off Don's arm? She is aware that there must be more to life than that, but what? According to social expectations, her life purpose is complete: she was pretty enough to snag a handsome rich man who gave her babies and a cushy household. You can't help but flinch whenever she attacks tired old Don for petty grievances, or even major ones, because she only expresses her upset through pouting and throwing fits. Unlike Don, Betty is not a master at manipulating others or putting on a composed face. Unfairly, thus she is not as likeable as Don, which is a shame, because she is just as enslaved to a societal ideal.

(source)

Maybe it's because I'm a woman, but I am much more drawn towards the female characters in the show, as they face struggles that have mostly been defeated today. [Spoiler alerts! Stop reading here.] Peggy Olson, the fresh-faced secretary from a small town, starts off working for Don. After being hit on by most of her rowdy male coworkers, she realizes that being sweet and modest won't cut it in such a crude environment. She succumbs to the advances of a particularly slimy account executive, only to find that no goodwill or want of a relationship follows his lust. She refuses to dress in a way that flaunts her body, unlike the rest of the women in the office, who are all in secretarial positions. Peggy tends to speak her mind, even when it gets her in trouble, and she comes off as stiff. Even Joan, the curvy red-headed bombshell office manager, cannot convince her to "be a woman, not a man" to get ahead in the office. But Peggy's unflinching resolve lands her a job as a junior copywriter, when she speaks her mind to a client about their product and they like what she says because it stands out from the rest. She goes on to gain a position on a creative team as the only woman and often shows up her pompous male equals by pulling her own weight and more. Still, she is pretty difficult to read. Eternally loyal to Don as he treats he like an equal (a man) and played a hand in her promotions, Peggy also hides a secret at home and shuts down whenever anyone expresses an interest in getting to know her. Totally unrelated, I think she is extremely unattractive and can't be convinced that the males in her office actually enjoy gawking at her.

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I also really like Joan Holloway. She is by far the most popular character with the males in the audience. Simply put, she oozes sexuality. If Don is the embodiment of manliness, then Joan is that of femininity. Most men in the show are electrified by the sight and sound of her, and she even has her closet lesbian roommate all worked up. She also gets a lot of points with the female audience too, as she is considerably bigger and bustier than today's depiction of women in the media. Some men of today may not find that attractive, but I think she looks great and it works for her. It's not that Joan throws herself at men. She is more tactful than that. Sure, she parades around the office in form-fitting outfits knowing that all eyes are on her, but she wields that power to her exact advantage. And she is intelligent, which shows through when her superiors give her a chance to do some work with a client. They love her ideas and sign on, even though meeting her in person definitely influenced their decision. But you wonder, what does she really want? Her coworkers have made a number of jabs at her age, that she will no longer be the object of desire. And her lover didn't want anything beyond weekly afternoon meetings in a hotel room. [Spoiler alert!] And out of the blue, she is engaged. Her fiance, a doctor, seems like a nice enough guy. It seems that being a married woman will severely restrict her office interactions and turn down her spark and spice. In a society where being lusted after is the most effective way of getting a man's attention, Joan isn't left any bright options. She rarely shows any of her emotions, especially when she is upset, maintaining a professional demeanor at all times. I feel bad for her too.

The title sequence is pretty awesome. The RJD2 song sounds like it was made for this show- sophisticated and haunting. Excuse me while I go watch another episode.

Another wonderful song for today: Bibio - Lovers' Carvings
(source)

Ch-ch-changes

On Monday morning, my trusty little Civic would not start. It is bordering on eleven years old and never had any major problems up until then. I had it towed to an auto repair shop down the road, and enjoyed a walk back through the Hancock golf course. My boss's boss called me to inform me that he was sorry but that my position had been eliminated due to a company reorg, and that employment would be ending in two weeks, with two weeks of severance. It came as a complete surprise and I spent the day in some kind of shock and muted excitement. I haven't liked my job for maybe two years, and I'd been there almost two and a half. It let me get away with being complacent and doing what I needed to do to just get by. I let myself only complete what was asked or required of me, and nothing more. For the past few months, I had been dumped the most menial and tedious tasks that were pretty offensive to have to do. I didn't converse much with my coworkers and eschewed small talk, since it felt pointless and awkward to maintain. After seeing dozens of people get laid off or quit in front of my eyes, I grew confident that my position would not be eliminated any time soon. But all the while, I dreamed of having another job that wouldn't leave me mentally frustrated and pent-up with unused energy each evening. Yet, it was too hard to leave, the excellent benefits, the acceptable salary, the free iPhone and plan, the extremely flexible hours, the stability. So this forced change presents itself as an opportunity for huge growth.

And I'm scared. After turning my brain and motivation off for so long, they have got to be revived. My resume is pitiful, only really appropriate for applying to similar administrative and HR positions. I can do that some more, but really, it would be a large resignation for the rest of my life. People like to say "it's not what you know, it's who you know." And to take it even further, according to my brother, "it's not who y0u know, it's who knows you." And I have not made myself very known to anyone. As I have said before, networking disgusts me. It's not even about the person, it's about how the person can be a tool to help you later on. It's the game that gets you further in life, but I never wanted to learn the rules or even play.

And in the beginnings of my long job search, I'm coming across a common requirement. It's not skill-based, or even experience-based. It goes something across the lines of "you need to be willing to dedicate your waking life to this position. you need to show us that you will do whatever it takes to make this company succeed." Who in their right mind could qualify? To me, no company is worthy of that much life energy. It's just profit. I haven't found it to be much more meaningful than allowing me to live comfortably, and giving me something to do for eight hours a day. This sort of attitude definitely screens me out from being considered for most competitive positions, which is a shame, since it's the healthier one.

Boyd the Floater

Friend Rock, revisited

The fantasy that everything wonderful in this world is where I am not follows me to this day. It has been the source of so much unnecessary frustration and jerkface ingratitude, starting from when I first learned how to compare myself with others. I can also relate to a quote by Groucho Marx: "I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member." Only now do I see that the rejection of this idea is one leg of the journey towards emotional maturity. For a handful of years I have tasted and savored what Austin has to offer to a young, single, college graduate. Yet, I recall really wanting out a few years back. Forget that Dallas was a mind-numbing prison in comparison, and that I didn't have to move back there. I had my sights on Portland, the dream destination of most people in my boat. Bike lanes everywhere and full of cyclists, useful bus and railways, gorgeous green scenery, and my next best friends. Needless to say, I did not actually do anything to make my move a reality, and just complained about it. I still think Portland is one of the best cities in the US, but I'm glad that I'm still here. Good things exists here too! Like B. : ) And the flurry of new eateries that have popped up in just the last year is quite exciting. The vague five-year plan includes moving away from Texas, but that is still in the works.

Anyways, I have really moved past the original intent of the post. Inadvertently, I feel like I have a black touch sometimes. Just because I feel unmotivated, uninspired and talentless, I unthinkingly assume other people I know are that way as well. Misery loves company? Which is why is has been such a pleasure to see friends succeed, especially creatively. (Because although I have some creative pursuits, I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not talented enough to make a living off those passions). The best example of that is the band of our friend Rob, Balmorhea. (Yes, the name comes from the West Texas state park). Words cannot really describe how joyous, engaging and mature their instrumental songs are. On top of that, they've received high praise from all media review sources. I've seen them play in the dusty sidelot of an art gallery, where the scarce listeners were mostly friends, and at sold out shows at mainstream venues, where breathing and standing space were limited. I am proud of them, because they are a "real" band. I say that sheepishly, as someone who had little faith in them becoming so well known. They've been playing for years now, and only started gaining widespread recognition in the music industry in 2009. Same with another friend band, Follow that Bird!, but to a lesser degree. At the time, when I was hanging out with these guys and gals, I thought their aspirations to be successful musicians was noble, but stupidly optimistic. Fast forward 2-3 years later, and I'm being blown away. I'm just really happy for them, while wondering at the same time if I have the persistence to work towards my own dreams. But then maybe, for every success story you hear or personally know, there are dozens of hidden failures.

Mp3: "Settler" (source)

Burn, Baby, Burn

Is it too early to be resorting to a blog post? I have only been at work for 1.5 hours. Still trying to work out a viable sleeping plan, since every morning I wake up both late and groggy. Most of the time I feel heavily drugged, and thus, unwilling to greet the new day. This morning, I got up after 6 hours of sleep to use the bathroom, felt fresh and awake, slept for 1 more hour (7 hours) and was fitfully awakened by B's alarms and snoozes, slept for 1 more (8 hours) and fought against a bad pizza dream to drag myself out of bed. By the looks of it, I should aim for that 6 hour mark again. But my bed, with its fluffy down comforter and soft cotton sheets, is so much more alluring than being awake and reading a book, cooking breakfast, surfing the internet, going on a walk, or whatever people do when they get up earlier.

Two things: I have not been truly vegan this past week. I have eaten meat and dairy sparingly, and have mostly stuck with B's diet. And second, his vegan diet officially lasted up until last night, seven days. He hasn't broken it, and he's had a great attitude this whole time, not only staying true to the diet, but also not succumbing to temptation around our friends when they eat meat. But after a discussion sparked by my parents wanting to eat at Salt Lick this weekend but deciding not to because of our diet, we decided that being vegan was not a sustainable option for us. We both dearly missed a combination of the flavors and textures of meat and fats. And that we would aim to eat mostly vegetables and whole grains, and have meat, dairy, fats, and sugars on occasion. "On occasion" is certainly personally defined, so that's what we'll be figuring out. B used to base all of our cooked meals around meat, which I disagreed with. But now we're on the same page. What else did we learn from this experiment? For me, I grew really tired of the same flavors and textures of seitan, miso, vegetable broth... and leafy green vegetables. The taste and mouthfeel of B's favorite veggies, spinach and button mushrooms, are pretty abhorrent to me. I grew up scarfing down greens and ordering salads because my parents taught me that it was the healthy thing to do, but I only now realize that I don't actually enjoy eating them at all. Which just means I have to try harder to eat them more often. But I noticed that I felt really great after each of our meals. No meat-induced heaviness in my belly, but I did get hungry more often.

The bulk of what we ate: miso soup, sprouts, tofu, rolled oats, curry veggie patties, black bean/brown rice veggie patties, brown rice, buckwheat noodles, veggie italian sausage, baked sweet potatoes, hemp milk, seitan, kimchee, kale, bokchoy, spinach, romaine lettuce, button mushrooms, carrots, hummus, green onions, soy sauce, vegetable broth, nutritional yeast, oranges, grapefruit, apples. All good stuff that we sort of got sick of. Perhaps we weren't creative enough? I beg to differ, as meat and fats bring depth to food.

We ate at the Wheatsville bulk food bar one day before getting groceries, and it was quite delicious. We accepted the fact that when eating out, most food options contain added oil and sugar. The tastiest dishes? Vegan mac and cheese, eggless tofu salad, and silken tofu mexican chocolate pudding. Vegan does not necessarily mean healthy! I also got a gift certificate to Beets, a raw vegan cafe, whose entree offerings look extremely unappetizing. In the vein of Wasa crackers as sawdust and cardboard. I had compiled short list of vegan-friendly restaurants to re-check out, including Casa de Luz, Aster's Ethiopian and Mr. Natural's. While I have enjoyed eating there in the past with friends, the enjoyment mainly sprung from good company, feeling positive that I was being healthy, and the adventure of eating something unfamiliar. I never thought the food was inherently tasty, and I probably never will. But if it's for health, then I'm totally open.

Engine 2 and Expense Ratios

I recently stocked up on sweaters when I realized that I only had one sweater that I actually liked. The newly reoffered Bean's Norwegian Sweater (knit in Norway!) caught my eye, but is only available for men, so I shot them an email about making a women's version. So I ordered two boys sweaters, size L, from Lands' End and L.L. Bean. When they came in, they were a bit baggy, short in the arms, and boxy in the torso. That's the trade-off for saving money by getting kids' clothing. That is OK with me, but I was disappointed to see that both pieces were Made in China. I have been feeling convicted lately of buying cheap items manufactured in poor labor conditions. B sympathizes. Can we implement a rule of only buying made in the US clothing? That would make me buy clothes way less often, for sure. Still considering this.

I have never been one to jump on faddish diets. The only one I embarked on was the Lemonade Diet in college, and I was so snack-crazy then that I could only stick with it for three days before cheating at Fresh Plus (post). Another time, spurred by a suspicion that maybe gluten intolerance was making me tired, I went gluten-free for a week, and basically starved for the first couple days, since gluten foods (including many packaged foods) made up most of my diet. I tried out a gluten-free bakery in Westlake and found it very unappetizing (post); all in all, it was an extremely unsatisfying week of eating.

Austin is replete with people who adhere to alternative diets. Vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, sugar-free, red meat-free, macrobiotic, raw food, the list goes on. I've known people who eat differently than I do for years now. But never once did I seriously consider joining them. Food was just food, and I had more important things to worry about. Besides, the fun level of restriction is pretty close to zero. 2009 was a big year of food thinking for me. Beyond taste, I was confronted with the political, social, environmental and personal effects of what I eat. We began to try to eat only locally grown produce (if not that, then USA/organic), local meat and eggs, and less processed foods. In all truthfulness, the health factor was less of an issue for me than ever, since I had somehow managed to lose ~15 pounds this past 18 months by allowing myself to be picky and let my moods get in the way of eating. I knew I wasn't fit or healthy, but it's so much easier to ignore the question when you look just fine.

About a month before the wedding, B resolved to start working out during his lunch break every weekday. With holiday and sickness-related exceptions, he has dutifully kept up this regimen. Concerned that he wasn't losing any weight (albeit gaining much more muscle), we discussed the impact of our diet, and how it had changed from when we dating. Turns out that he noticed that we ate way less greens because I dislike eating raw vegetables, and he did not want to fight with me. Same with fish. And I eat way less pasta, even though I love it, because he doesn't particularly prefer it. And I eat way more (red) meat, because he considers it to be a hearty and flavorful part of a meal. It was an unbalanced array of foods. You are what you eat, right? In the end, with our resolves armed, we decided to make another positive, all-encompassing change. I had heard of the Engine 2 diet, developed by an ex-triathlete and firefighter in Austin. I did some research by reading articles and reviews about the diet (conveniently located on his site), purchased the book at Book People, and here we are basically turning vegan for 6 weeks!!

The added restrictions of the Engine 2 diet to being vegan are no added oils, added sugars, refined flour, or alcohol. B's challenges: no cheese, no alcohol, no yogurt, no eggs, and of course, no meat. My challenges: eating "plant strong," no regular desserts, no regular baking, no Blue Sky sodas, no fruit juice. The rules are still hazy to me, and it will definitely be a work in progress, but I think it will be a worthwhile endeavor. With most Americans dying of disease, I don't want to meet my end that way and I have many years to get off this increasingly common, downward path. (Although I have to admit that I won't officially start until the weekend, as I don't want to just throw away the bread and lunchmeat that is my lunch for the rest of the workweek.)

A personal project at work is taking the bulk of this week. I'm investigating our 401k plan, specifically the fees associated with each of the funds offered. This comes on the heels of my own conversion of my Traditional IRA to a Roth IRA. My parents urged me to open an IRA (Individual Retirement Account) the year I started working (2007), and I did so begrudgingly. At this age, any amount of extra cash = fun, and it was hard setting aside the money, but I am so glad that I did it. Primer: a traditional IRA lets you put in pre-tax dollars, and the amount is taxed as you withdraw it after you retire. A Roth IRA is funded with pre-tax dollars, and your retirement withdrawals are tax-free. I chose to convert to Roth because I am quite certain that I am in the lowest tax bracket I will ever be in, as the common path is for income to rise along with years of experience.

Anyways, when I converted, I put all of it into index funds. Index funds are like the lazy man's surefire way of gaining interest on a long-term investment. It sounded too good to be true, but as I read more about it, I was convinced. This article in particular stood out to me. The results are based on very long looks at historical market returns. Instead of trying to figure out a way to pick the magic combination of funds, you get a slice of the whole market. There are ups and downs, but overall, it steadily goes up in the long-term. And a big part of that has to do with low fees, since they are not managed.

Anyways, the expense ratio, which is the fee you pay the investment company for a fund, of the particular index fund I chose was 0.18%. High fees and expense ratios specifically will eat away at your retirement fund, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars (or even hundreds of thousands of dollars, if you earn and put in a lot). Please take a look at this chart. Now I'm no money hog, but I'd like to not lose money if I can help it. In poring through the fund information of my company 401k, I calculated that the average fee was around 1.5%. That is a far cry from the 0.18% in my Vanguard index fund. If you look at that chart, it shows that even a 1% increase in expense ratio for a one-time $10,000 investment over 40 years results in no small relative loss, 33.8% (1.5% ER) vs.12.8% (0.5% ER). All this could be avoided if you shop around for lower fees. The terrible thing is that fees are hidden away from the general investor who does not do his/her research, and they are losing so much interest to such fees. I am in the process of trying to find more funds with lower fees, or even new plans with lower fees to present to my boss. I don't want to go as far as to accuse our company's broker (who is by the way a personal friend of the owner) of reaping in huge benefits from our selection of funds, because that would harm me. Let's just say it happens.

If you don't have a 401k, I strongly advise you to open one if your company provides the option, or just open an IRA at Vanguard or somewhere else. Not doing so is pretty much the most financially damaging thing you could let happen for your future self in retirement, and not to mention your family. Any percentage, no matter how small, matters, because of compound interest over decades. (Side note, this is why I am averse to mortgages.) Lately, personal finance has been a consuming interest for me. Not only because I want to ensure that I am set, but because it pains me to see our culture of financial ignorance and the suffering it causes. I want to educate people my age, especially, about this, so they can take care of themselves and their families, and not be enslaved to the vicious side of money. If you have any questions, I would be more than happy to discuss. This is on my list of possible career paths, although I am told that hobbies don't necessarily translate well into jobs.

Vampire Weekend - "White Sky"

Mp3 source: All Things Go

The Inner Ring

From The Weight of Glory, "The Inner Ring"

"To a young person, just entering on adult life, the world seems full of Insides, full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities, and he desires to enter them. But if he follows that desire he will reach no "inside" that is worth reaching... As long as you are governed by that desire you will never get what you want. You are trying to peel an onion: if you succeed there will be nothing left. Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain...

And if in your spare time you consort simply with the people you like, you will again find that you have come unawares to a real inside: that you are indeed snug and safe at the center of something which, seen from without, would look exactly like an Inner Ring. But the difference is that its secrecy is accidental, and its exclusiveness a by-product, and no one was led thither by the lure of the esoteric: for it is only four or five people who like one another meeting to do things that they like. This is friendship. Aristotle placed it among the virtues. It causes perhaps half of all the happiness in the world, and no Inner Ring can ever have it."

And, the worst book review regarding this chapter.

Post-Holiday, VFF

Had a relaxing three-day weekend. It kicked off with the Wilsons coming into town from Portland and staying with us. A wicked game of 3-on-3 ultimate frisbee, 1st meal of the new year at Whole Foods, a chilly grill at Zilker, fancy dinner at La Traviata, Xboxing, films (God Grew Tired of Us-sad, PU-239-also depressing), and at home dinners ensued.They're a laid-back, hip couple who traveled around the country the first part of the year, camping out in various parks for a month straight. Their married life path is so different from ours, and that's what makes it all the more intriguing. Thanks for being great guests, guys! Here is their occasionally updated blog.

My long-distance friend Nora's new cupcake business (website). She is married to a Marine and is living on a giant base in San Diego. I'm proud of her for turning a hobby into a possible career! Isn't the frosting just immaculate?

Wordy article about the so-called Quarterlife Crisis. It's hard, but I can't imagine it's harder than any other generation's experience. B has dismissed any mention of graduate school from me, and with good reason. School is all I know really well..


And now, the main topic of the post. Look at these goofy foot-glove thingamabobs. Ask me three weeks ago what I thought about Vibram FiveFingers and I would have scoffed loudly. Barefoot running was a topic of discussion during a recent dinner with friends, and I think we all left pretty openminded about the activity and the not-water shoes. Two articles and two sightings later (yes, at Wheatsville and Whole Foods), here I am with a pair. I rushed into REI 5 minutes before closing time on Saturday and got the Classics, since it was the only model in my size (40). The toes were not too hard to wiggle in at first, although I had some more difficulty doing it later on. The other models feature straps and more fabric on top of the foot, which makes them even harder to put on. They felt OK after one night of walking around in them. I was concerned that they were too small, as all of my toes touched the ends of the shoe pockets, with no extra room to spare. These shoes do not fit people who have 2nd toes that are longer than their big toes, and mine are about the same length. However, upon returning to REI for a possible size-up, they told me that the fit was true and that a larger, looser size would defeat the purpose of the shoe. And what is the purpose? To have healthy feet by letting your feet, an amazing piece of natural engineering, do the walking/running/jumping/etc. Unlike other reviews, I did not feel like I was walking around barefoot, since the rubber on the bottom is pretty thick and not as flexible as your own foot would be. To be fair, I did not grow up running around barefoot (which is the healthiest), and still do not, so my feet are pretty tender and callus-free. So this shoe works for me.

I am not a runner and do not plan to run in these. Initially, I was sold on the concept but very unwilling to give up all other shoes. I am a shoe person and am convinced that good taste is confirmed or denied by the shoes one chooses to wear. Snobby, maybe, but that is just something I've always been acutely aware of. But I have to say, when I wore my Clarks to exchange the Vibrams, they felt like crap. They were so loose, and the Superfeet inserts only made me feel very wobbly, as the soles were thicker, and the foot side roll more extreme. My socks were sliding around in them and I noticed that I had to walk more carefully (mechanically maybe?) as to keep my shoes on. Like I said, the Vibrams felt alright, but in comparison to those shoes, they felt like a natural extension of myself. Today I wore my Vans Authentics to work, and although they are not terrible, I do notice them. I notice the right angle edges and flatness of the 1-inch thick sole, and how quickly I start to feel unstable when I tilt my foot to the side over the edge. So, there is something to your foot having rounded edges for stability.

Shoes are something we've learned to deal with, pitfalls and all. B has recently taken to saying that Americans are a masochistic poeple, since they/we have put up with PCs and Microsoft products for so long, because we/they are either too lazy to learn new ways or think there is no other way. And so it is with shoes. I've only had my Fivefingers for 2 days, so I'm not able to give a well-rounded review yet. Besides being quite inappropriate for colder weather (but you can order socks!), I have been really pleased with them so far. I'm not at the point to where I'll recommend them to all my family and friends, as I think it takes a certain amount of nonconformity and boldness to wear these shoes if you don't actually have foot problems, but when/if I reach that point, you'll know. Don't quote me on it, but I have a feeling that these may be the next big alternative trend in footwear, since they help you feel "at one with the earth," similar to the idea that riding fixed gear connects you with the road. Succinct Cool Tools review.

Also, I have to comment on a previous haughty remark I made about Shurons being ugly. I was proved wrong this weekend. I ended up getting a pair of gray-flecked Shuron frames from Gene Rogers Optical. They are quite similar to my current pair, except the lenses are smaller. B helped me pick them out in five minutes. It wasn't until after I talked to Gene that I found out I had only perused the men's section of the store. I had a pretty pain-free experience there. They are a husband-wife run business and after chatting with the wife, she relayed that even though they had been open since 1991 at that location, last year was their best year (due to Yelp and word of mouth). I later found out today that my insurance will not reimburse me for any of it, since he is out of network. That is a shame, since glasses are so darn expensive these days, but I think this is worth it.

*new* Laura Veirs - July Flame and Wide-eyed, Legless

Sources: iguessimfloating, hellovegetables

It ain't broke

I'm feeling particularly farsighted this week and am having trouble focusing on close objects, so I'll be getting an eye exam. Apparently, it is also time to get a new pair of glasses. B has never been super fond of my current prized Moscot Nebb clear frames (they don't even make that color anymore), complaining that I look more like a librarian-type. I get it.. it's the ugliness/ironic fashion factor. Nerdiness doesn't go that far in terms of attractiveness. But I have never gotten so many compliments on my eyewear before, from people my age to people my dad's age. Heck, I made it through my own wedding with those things on. Everyone was so used to them it wasn't a big deal, sigh of relief.

And I blanking at what frames to get next. Maybe some thin metal ones, but anything rectangular is too modern for me. Plastic again? But I can't find plastic frames I like better than my current ones. It'll have to be a compromise. To me, there are only three categories of frames: vintage, 1990s/2000s, and modern/futuristic. Vintage has been making a solid comeback for the past decade. Modern is for people who want to really stand out, regardless of fashion sensibilities. Think highbrow designers. And 1990s/2000s is for everyone else not too particular about their frames; they're very "eh" and don't stand out at all, which most people prefer. You all should know that I greatly fear falling into the "eh" group, as I have always been finicky about my personal style. I call for more variety! I never really thought eyeglasses made women seem more attractive, but maybe more professional or intelligent or votable (Sarah Palin?). Since I'm not really aiming for those labels, I like to have fun with it and wear something more playful. Wood frames? Very unique, but probably not. Shurons? Cheap, but I'm going to steer away from the female octagenarian, Atticus Finch, or child molester look.

--

On another note, B and I saw Up in the Air last night at the Drafthouse. I've been unenthusiastic about watching new movies for the past year, because they have mostly been disappointing. And this one didn't look any better, wearing its "life lessons" heart out on its sleeve in the trailer. George Clooney is all over the box office these days. (True, I also did enjoy Fantastic Mr. Fox). And I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Clooney plays a confident, middle-aged businessman who travels 250-ish days of the year to avoid his home and having to construct a real life. To him, relationships and possessions are heavy baggage that drag you down. As he says in his seminars, "movement is life," which explains why he never wants to get married or have kids, why his condo is barren, and why he make a huge effort to avoid family matters. But then through his interactions with a fresh-faced, perplexing coworker and a potential love interest, he begins to reveal the vulnerability in his views. It's a thoughtful film that had me smirking at some scenes because they truly resonated with me. It made me hurt for older people like the main character who are misanthropes and completely toss aside the idea of relationships. They'll never get that lost time back. Later in the film, Clooney makes the point that if you think of all the best times in your life, you notice that you were never alone. So true.

B practices this philosophy. He is always calling people up to see what they are doing so we can come over and hang out. For the longest time, this really put me off. Why should he constantly be putting himself out there for people who seemed like they didn't give a damn or were impossible to reach? I was personally offended for him. And I was contemptuous of his behavior. He employed this persistence on me that resulted in us dating, and eventually getting married. Having 0 relationship experience, I was more into the supposed rules of romance, informed by cinematic sources, such as making yourself desirable, not seeming too eager, creating a back and forth pursuit, crap like that which B totally rejected. Even if I didn't prefer it at the time, as it was much less thrilling, it definitely worked. It's so hard these days to see people on a regular basis. People are too busy, too lazy, too distracted, etc. But all the more reason to strive for communion with others in this ticking clock of a life. B remarked that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter who called who, but that we all got together and enjoyed ourselves. I think I subscribe to that now. I tend to get pretty stubborn and give up easily on "friends" who are hard to meet up with. But I should really try harder. Life's too short to be so proud. Other people may be hell, but I would argue that being alone is probably even more terrible.

Favorite Music, 2009

I did one last year, so I'll do one this year. Here are the songs I'd put on a mix CD for you, if I still did that sort of thing.

Animal Collective / My Girls
They owned the entirety of 2009 with Merriweather Post Pavilion in January and the Fall Be Kind EP in December. I can't talk about this band anymore. They are in a class of their own, and I hope they continue to put out music for decades.

Grizzly Bear / Ready Able
Another timely young band for which everything has already been said. The hype is merited! Veckatimest was not only fresh, but lovingly crafted by proficient musicians. I am still enamored with this live studio video of "While You Wait For the Others."

Bill Callahan / Jim Cain, Too Many Birds
Easily one of the best songwriters of this generation. With his rich baritone voice, he sings with a wisdom and tiredness that belies his age. Sometimes I Wish I Were An Eagle contains some excellent meandering, thoughtful songs. [I ended up in search of ordinary things / Like how could a wave possibly be..]

The National / So Far Around the Bend
They've been filling in the void left by Sufjan with their gorgeous arrangments, plus a good dose of jaded melancholia. Hard hitting lyrics for listeners on the Dark Was the Night compilation. [Take a bath and get high through an apple / Wanted to cry but you can't when you're laughing / Nobody knows where you are living / Nobody knows where you are]

Dirty Projectors / Stillness Is the Move
Bizzare mix of Dirty Projector's special brand of off-kilter choral melodies and Mariah Carey. The entire Bitte Orca is original and spectacular.

J. Tillman / Though I Have Wronged You
Forgiveness. See previous post.

Kings of Convenience / Boat Behind, Peacetime Resistance
The new Simon and Garfunkel. Makes me want to learn finger picking real bad. Declaration of Dependence is a welcome release in light of their previous hollow-pop one. They have become a more mature band (which just means that I think a song is sad but I'm not sure why).

David Bazan / Hard to Be
A very relevant album to us at this time. In Curse Your Branches, Bazan deals openly with his struggle with Christianity and God.

Loney Dear / Violent
This was a recent discovery. I had joined the guys in seeing them as SXSW in March, but their live performance in the sweaty dungeon of a 6th street bar didn't stick with me. This song is so full of life, longing, joy. The rest of Dear John is noticeably darker.

Great Lake Swimmers / Pulling On a Line
Can't get enough of these Canadian folkies.

Honorable mentions:

Sally Shapiro / Dying in Africa, Miracle (Remix by Bogdan Irkuk)
Bring on the cheese! It's called Italo disco and I couldn't get enough of it. The remix is pop perfection. The only reason it's in this section is because I easily overdose on these songs.

jj / From Africa to Malaga
I felt guilty for liking this band, because it could be in very poor taste. They sound like Caribbean-influenced easy listening world music. But oddly enough, they're Swedish and also socially acceptable to listen to. It must be one of those hipster irony things.

Vampire Weekend / Horchata
Technically, this album doesn't come out until 2010, but the single was already released. I got over the reactionary anxiety over whether I should like this band and find myself enjoying them more and more.

Cass McCombs / The Executioner Song
Previous post.

This Week:

Le Loup / Beach Town
I don't know much about this band, except that I ignored them this year. And then today I found out that they are up my alley.

Noah and the Whale / Blue Skies
I like this Brit's voice.

Girls / Hellhole Ratrace
This song is quickly growing on me. Saw them at SXSW, revisited now. Lead singer has a fascinating history- he was raised in a cult, escaped, got picked up by a rich dude, was gifted a guitar from an ex-Fleetwood Mac member, started a band.

Telekinesis / Awkward Kisser
Had this song stuck in my head weeks after I first heard it. Like a poppier, riffier DCfC.

Atlas Sound / Walkabout (w/ Panda Bear)
Keep hearing good things about this ugly but talented dude.

Sources: iguessimfloating, said the gramophone, the rawking refuses to stop!, pink teeth, stereogum, tsuru radio, the burning ear, dbf-music, captain obvious, disco workout, chickens don't clap!, regnsky, pop tarts suck toasted, polaroid alla radio, merry swankster

Complaint

If I had capital, the business I would most definitely start is an affordable classic clothing company for women, focusing on sweaters and jackets. Why is it that "classic" women's clothing is so painfully fugly (LL Bean, Lands End, Orvis), while the mens' variants are timelessly stylish? It's like night and day. It also bugs me to no end that women's trends change so quickly that the whole thing seems like a joke. It has nothing to do with aesthetics, and everything to do with status. What looks atrocious to the average person is actually the latest fad, so only those enslaved to the media and keeping up with it are afforded the satisfaction of seeing "beauty" in it. So many women's clothing designs are not only unflattering to a woman's body (slouchy tops, onesies, high-waisted pants, etc.), but are randomly chosen by the fashion nazis above (gladiator sandals..vom). It's completely The Emperor's New Clothes fable. Lesli over at Archival Clothing is the first woman I've encountered (albeit over the Internet) who passionately feels the same way, rejecting modern women's trends for classic ones. Even more so, as she has started her own line of cycling-influenced bags. And hopefully she will move on to clothing later on..

This sweater was a bit too large for but I got it anyway because I like it and there is nothing remotely similar for women. It is high time for a company to start producing solid non-frilly clothing for women, because the market is definitely there.



Sweater: The Quiet Life, Parka: Steven Alan, Bag: Billykirk, Shoes: Blundstone, Pants: Outlier

Texas (the State, not the School)

Tonight is our company Christmas dinner at Jack Allen's. It's a brand new restaurant, and the main reason it was chosen is because someone knew someone who knew the owner. I had hoped to convinced them to have it in a more centrally located eatery, like Moonshine or Vespaio, but clearly my influence doesn't go very far. However, it is pretty close to where the management mostly lives, near the Y.. Anyway, I did some research and it is the new project of the previous head chef of ZTejas, which I've never successfully eaten at. What caught my eye on their website was the list of local vendors they use. They get serious points for that. Hope B and I will have a decent time. I always feel more at ease in an unfamiliar group setting when he's there, because at least he tries to be entertaining. And white people tend to think he's a big laff.

After an extended period of rumination, I have something I'd like to share. I like Texas. I like the shape. I like Texas pride. I like how it's so big. I'm the type of person who despises where she/he is raised and wants to exit immediately, so this is an odd realization. Perhaps one way to put it is that I like Texas the way some Americans like Western Europe. Austin is like a blue oasis of modern life. I just think it's amusing as an outsider, even though I've lived here my whole life. Also, I think someone should make good Texas memorabilia. I saw a large wooden astray carved in the shape of Texas at my friend's house a while back, and I thought it was really classy. None of that made in China dinky poorly designed gaudy souvenir sort of crap. Also, this is a nice vintage ceramic ashtray too. A recent sighting of Texas flag running shorts made me almost go out and buy them. So awesome. Whenever I move out of here I need to stock up on stuff like this.
I also find Southern drawls endlessly amusing. Like the latest Geico commercial. Every time I laugh at it B looks at me like I've gone insane. And that makes me giggle even harder, since he is especially repulsed by redneck culture.

I've long been harboring a penchant for vintage hiking boots, and 1970's "waffle stompers" with red laces are very in these days. Very tough footwear. I have yet to see anyone in town with them on, probably because it would seem goofy with the weather and terrain we have here. There is also a general fascination with old outdoor technology and designs. Why? Are we as a culture so lazy and unmotivated to create our own trends, content to always look back in tribute?

Danner Mt Light


Orvis/Merrell
F-troupe

Atheistic Pessimism

To the MAX.
Author: Arthur Schopenhauer

Every moment of our life belongs to the present only for a moment; then it belongs for ever to the past. Every evening we are poorer by a day. We would perhaps grow frantic at the sight of this ebbing away of our short span of time were we not secretly conscious in the profoundest depths of our being that we share in the inexhaustible well of eternity, out of which we can for ever draw new life and renewed time.

You could, to be sure, base on considerations of this kind a theory that the greatest wisdom consists in enjoying the present and making this enjoyment the goal of life, because the present is all that is real and everything else merely imaginary.But you could just as well call this mode of life the greatest folly: for that which in a moment ceases to exist, which vanishes as completely as a dream, cannot be worth any serious effort.

...

That human life must be some kind of mistake is sufficiently proved by the simple observation that man is a compound of needs which are hard to satisfy; that their satisfaction achieves nothing but a painless condition in which he is only given over to boredom; and that boredom is a direct proof that existence is in itself valueless, for boredom is nothing other than the sensation of the emptiness of existence. For if life, in the desire for which our essence and existence consists, possessed in itself a positive value and real content, then would be no such thing as boredom: mere existence would fulfill and satisfy us. As things are, we take no pleasure in existence except when we are striving after something - in which case distance and difficulties make our goal look as if it would satisfy us (an illusion which fades when we reach it)- or when engaged ill purely intellectual activity, in which case we are really stepping out of life so as to regard it from outside, like spectators at a play. Even sensual pleasure itself consists in a continual striving and ceases as soon as its goal is reached. Whenever we are not involved in one or other of these things but directed back to existence itself we are overtaken by its worthlessness anti vanity and this is the sensation called boredom.

...

That the most perfect manifestation of the will to live represented by the human organism, with its incomparably ingenious and complicated machinery, must crumble to dust and its whole essence and all its striving be palpably given over at last to annihilation - this is nature's unambiguous declaration that all the striving of this will is essentially vain. If it were something possessing value in itself, something which ought unconditionally to exist, it would not have non-being as its goal.

Full text

Warmest Socks

Today I was looking down at my boots and noticed the top orange band of my SmartWool socks peeking out of them. And it made me smile. When it gets cold like this, I remember that I love socks and wintry fabrics.

I adore the vintage look of these SmartWools. (I also think that socks look best when they're not worn, ha.) As I only own 1 pair of SmartWools, I'm not sure if they're a good value for the price. And, would you buy one pair of socks for ~$20?

SmartWool Mountaineer Socks


Smartwool Popcorn Cable Socks

Alternately, Happy Socks have been all the rage this year. Great, non-cheesy designs, but I'm still not willing to fork up $10-15 for a pair. (Sorry, B!)

Literary Quotes

Taken from this newly discovered blog, Slaughterhouse 90210.

“I began feeling the way I imagine an actor or athlete must feel when, after years of commitment to a particular dream…he realizes that he’s gone just about as far as talent or fortune will take him. The dream will not happen, and he now faces the choice of accepting this fact like a grownup and moving on to more sensible pursuits, or refusing the truth and ending up bitter, quarrelsome, and slightly pathetic.”

— Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope

“That’s one of the reasons I never wanted to get married. The last thing I wanted was infinite security and to be the place an arrow shoots off from. I wanted change and excitement and to shoot off in all directions myself, like the colored arrows from a Fourth of July rocket.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

“It makes me angry sometimes, it’s a visceral thing—how you come to despise your own words in your ears not because they aren’t genuine, but because they are; because you’ve said them so many times, your ‘principles,’ your ‘ideals’—and so damned little in the world has changed because of them.”

— Joyce Carol Oates, Black Water

“I was taught to strive not because there were any guarantees of success but because the act of striving is in itself the only way to keep faith with life.”

— Madeleine Albright, Madam Secretary: A Memoir

“We live everything as it comes, without warning, like an actor going on cold. And what can life be worth if the first rehearsal for life is life itself?”

- Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
(nice explanation of title on Wikipedia)

"I am aware that there is a world out there that functions without regard to me. There are wars and budgets and bombings and vast dimensions of wealth and greed and ambition and corruption. And yet I don't feel a part of that world, and I wouldn't know how to join if I tried."

- Douglas Coupland, Hey Nostradamus!