Pedal feelings up the hill

Weh, my cortisol levels are much too high at the moment. God, I am so weary of taking the brunt of other people's anger, as if I could control everything. Too much, in too little time. F that shit! <..raging guitar solo>

On another note, the parentals are coming in tomorrow for Honors Day/ Talk About Future Frances Day, so that should be good. I love my parents. When I grow up and make lots of money, I'll give them whatever they want all the time. And sorry roomies, the roommate and parent lunch thing probably ain't gonna happen tomorrow, since it'll morph into a longwinded discuss about my life and other boring things like that.

On the LACS info sheet, it says that you should narrow it down to a few cities where you want to live. How does anyone know? Well, some people know. I like Austin, and I'm not sure I appreciate it enough, but the only other place in which I've resided is Dallas. What if you get to your desired city and find out you hate it? I've been hearing lots of 'woo-hoos' for Portland, Oregon lately. Yeah, but boo on perpetual rain and big D, says I.

Rough Trade

funny little frog belle and sebastian happy song of the week

I love young couples (and their children)! They are adorable. There's something about their selflessness in setting aside whatever youthful pursuits and dreams they possess to care for a very needy and selfish person that is very, very admirable. It's difficult for me to think about my parents when they were at this stage .. the human life cycle is so fascinating, in terms of attitudes and acquisition of life knowledge as one passes through its stages. Sometimes I agree with the statement below, but I know there is reason behind the created order.

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
- George Bernard Shaw

Like everyone else my age and below, I don't know what I want to do. Color schemes really perk my interest. The ideas are there, but the means of transferring to the concrete form is not. Really, art seems so gratuitous in the face of the injustices of this world. Could I focus my working energies on creating instead of caring, and be OK with that?

This weekend has been a whirlwind of meeting many people in the church. It's great in that fellowship is fostered, but I must be careful not to put my need to belong above my need to serve. For some reason, yesterday my tense grip on my time and resources were relaxed and I was able to give some of that away. What scared me in the end was that it pointed me to the call to love the unlovely, something that I have absolutely no inclination to do. And what about terrible hardships that are to come? It is beyond my imagination.