Monday, April 25, 2005

If I were a playwright..

Here I am sitting at JP's Java, taking a little study break. I decided to come here because even though there are so many coffee shops in the neighborhood, few meet my expectations. I had forgotten how good JP's is. I also love how they put the radio station on the classical music channel - excellent study soundtrack, I must say. Anyway, right when I found "my area" and set everything up on the table, I scribbled away at Chinese and couldn't help but become drawn into a conversation three women were having on the leather couch next to me. Basically this meek-ish/upset student playwright was very annoyed by the fact that one of her older and more experienced directors/actors(?) was being heavy-handed and changing the direction of the script. You know you can't focus on academics when you are emotionally engaged, and I felt myself vicariously reliving her situation as if it were mine..

Playwright girl: "Blah legitimate complaints blah complaints blah blah.. and I'm so angry I could throw up. And blah blah more grievances"

Friend: "Well, did you say that to her?"

PG: "Well, no, but.."
[ACK! This girl's got some assertiveness issues just like me]


Friends: "You should tell her! Or better yet, write her a letter."


I am the type who expresses so much more effectively and fully in words than in instant-by-instant speech. My brain doesn't work that fast and it's probably a good thing, because it forces me to think things through before replying.

One day last week (I forget which one), I went out and purchased some sweeter tobacco, namely French Vanilla & Honey Clover. In all my excitement and eagerness, I packed the pipe and had a go at it, alone and at night in Duval Villa's deserted BBQ pit area.. I must have puffed too furiously and probably breathed lots of ash because after relighting it ten-ish times and feeling the bowl get very hot to the touch, I suddenly felt extremely lightheaded and sick. So I set the pipe down on the wood bench, stumbled inside and fell on our couch. And then next thing I knew the wooden pit area was on fire! Ok not true, but it was a reasonable fear. Turns out I was pretty much done with the bowl as what I tapped out later was completely ash. I also burned my tongue pretty good a couple times and so for the past few days I've been recovering from numbed taste buds and a scratchy roof. Ugh. This whole pipe dealio has not been as fun as I imagined.. I don't know if my mouth can take any more beatings in the process of cultivating the ability to properly smoke a pipe..

Today in Abnormal Psych we talked about dementia, delirium, elderly depression.. ha, this time I can't relate it to any of my friends, which I always try to do, you know, in an attempt to connect my new knowledge to my world. Our TA described a 1st-year graduate study where one volunteer would be selected and given a MMPI (a personality test). The graduates would analyze this person for practice. MMPI's apparently cost hundreds of dollars to take (not too hefty a price if you want to delve deeper into yourself..) but the catch is that the volunteer must be experiencing a problem that is causing a great deal of stress. I called the woman in charge of the study and she's supposed to call me back today; I think it'd be worthwhile to take a detailed personality inventory once and for all, the thing is, I'm feeling pretty anxious about having to talk about a "problem" with a stranger, and who knows if I'd make a good case for this study. Shaky heart!

Burrs on my brain:

"If you find honey, eat just enough-

too much of it, and you will vomit."

Proverbs 25:16

Friend of PG: "A lot of people think God/Jesus is sexy. Love and sex tend to get mixed up a lot and since God is love, they want to have sex with him. That's probably why some people want to sleep with priests and other religious leaders and stuff."

Confusion between holy and carnal passion? The basis of the Spanish movie El Crimen Del Padre Amaro . I thought the movie was ok.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

It's Easy to Sleep When You're Dead

*New* photos uploaded: Outdoor rockclimbing!
Check for the link on the right, under "Links"

Part of the hefty set of pictures we took yesterday, the day we three spent 12 long hours together..

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Pipe Dreams

You've seen the latest surreal Adidas commercial about an "intelligent shoe"; I rather like it, especially the song. Turns out it's sung by Karen O. of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's. Too bad, I thought a newcomer quiet-girl rocker was on the verge of breaking through.

Been listening to "The Engine Driver" off of The Decemberists' latest offering to the world. Jangly, melodic, and very singable, this one may be for you. It's for me too. [I've also been listening to a good bit of Kelly lately. Meaning, Kelly Clarkson. Oh yes, we are already on a first name basis. OK, the way I see it, the only merit of a radio hit is catchiness, and with that, a few of her songs please a part of me.]

On becoming a smoker..

So I decided last night sometime during the mingling time after RUF that I wanted to purchase a pipe. John/Don/Jack Roberson hooked me up with some good info on where and how to start; he really is a neat guy, that John. And it's true that the RUF crowd is fond of tobacco products, namely pipes. [But keep in mind, Lea, that I am my own person and I do things mainly because I like doing them, not because .. of everyone else!] Erin H., Jenn Guetz and I tried them out for the first time at the guys' Steck apartment last year under the kind coaching of tobaccy veterans Garrett L. and Clayton S. It sure was fun. Since Highland Mall houses a Pipe World, I was just going to stop by on the way home after Smart Start this afternoon. And let me say that I almost did, except that earlier this morning, the sensible side of me typed in "pipe smoking" and "cancer" in the same search box and pressed Enter. Needless to say, it decelerated my blazing desires of becoming an intellectual smoker for the time being, and maybe for the rest of life. I'm not one to dabble with future suffering, if I can help it. But don't worry, John, I'll find a way!

A note on Nationals: they went really well. I made the individuals round, advanced to the final pool, placed 6th overall in Women's Foil. This wouldn't have been possible unless I was in the C spot, which I was. It was a combination of strategic workings, Providence, and lastly, just plain effort that brought me such an honorable title. Really, I'm an intermediate fencer. I am being showered with so much praise, most of which I haven't fairly earned. In terms of achievement, I would've made a better boy, eh? And the UT Fencing Team isn't even varsity, it's a tier below, whatever that's called. About team relations, they are slowly but surely improving. Because my teammates are truly themselves, I will respond back by also being myself. I can't dodge rejection and criticism and be a real person. That is something we all must be, real people. It's also awesome how a team bonds together in tough situations and rare opportunities. Anyway, enough jibber-jabber. It's already tomorrow.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Today we were supposed to find out if we got the house or not. For those of you who haven't heard about the house, consider yourselves lucky. There has been enough drama concentrated in the past few weeks to power a high school. The house itself is charming and if you'd like to see for yourself, here are some photos.
Geez, I can't wait for resolution. Most of us have nearly gone off the deep end squabbling about this blasted house. At least I've learned once more that I need to think things through before agreeing to anything and to stand up for myself. Easy to say, necessary to do. My mistakes have led to the creation of a few cost-ugly problems, but wonder of wonders, the Lord is good (!) and He has provided a way out. Prayer works!

Today is also the day I found out that Vans slip-ons don't fit me. (Alas, my feet are too wide. Same problem with Chacos.) This is not the first time I was willing to shell out $40 for a pair of canvas + rubber products that costs less than $4 to make. What can I say? I let trends drag me around sometimes. But in this case, because comfort always comes before fashion, I will forgo them. You can get them, though.

Today + 1 day is Janessa's birthday, April 13th! Be sure to wish her a happy day tomorrow if you see her.