Thursday, March 31, 2005

Naked As We Came [thoughts on Nationals]

This folky piece by Sam Beam (aka Iron & Wine) has been the soundtrack to my school daze this week.

I'm putting this one up too so that I can d/l it properly (Woman King).

Sigh, I am leaving Austin, my home, for Michigan tomorrow. (Collegiate fencing nationals this weekend at the University of Michigan, if you didn't already know. This could be the case because apparently I don't really talk about my out-of-town trips a lot, especially not to my roommates..) I've been thinking more about my place on the fencing team and how my only contribution is my fencing skill; I don't belong. There are no friends of mine there. This kind of thing could be and was easily overlooked by everyone (or just me?) last year at Nationals in New Hampshire because I was relatively new to the club and behaved like a shy person. Unfortunately, prospects haven't changed much for F. Lee. The one advanced freshman who recently joined the club is more at ease than I am. The team's a rough bunch- they delight in crude jokes, are lazy, dreadfully honest, short-tempered, fond of cursing, they don't try to impress anyone and resist all authority. And if they don't like you, they won't hesitate to brush you off after shooting off a disdainful remark to your face. That's not to say that the team is made up of social miscreants; it's true that many of them will go out of their way to help a fellow fencer in need. I can rely on them at least. I've always been polite, quiet and quite ignorant and I suspect that I'm simply not liked as a person, I'm not interesting or weird enough. This doesn't hurt my feelings, but it does make things more complicated, since I plan to stay in the club as long as I can to further my fencing ability. So I've been debating how much of our ten hour travel time tomorrow and Friday all-day free time will I spend in comfortable isolation (reading, doing Chinese homework, writing in my diary about them) and/or in awkward attempts to create conversation and slip into others' well-formed circles.

On a happier note, I finally attended a night of Rez Week (tonight) and I was not let down. Don Miller is my kind of speaker and I strongly feel that he was probably a very cute baby. He talked about how a lot of the human condition had to do with us needing to be affirmed by other people or God. We all need new perspectives on seemingly old truths, agreed? The last thing he expounded upon was the crisis having to do with thousands if not millions of people being slaughtered by the government currently taking place in Sudan. The evils in the world make us sad, yes, but I know I know almost nothing of the injustices and persecution wreaking havoc on other people groups outside of America. What can I do? How can I know and go on in my daily activities? How can we be disturbed to the point of action?

Something I've come to realize is that I rarely deny myself anything. That's a far cry from Jesus' command for us to deny ourselves, our very desires and follow him. Hello! I can't. I am much too comfortable. One fine day, I know God is going to squeeze all His fed-up-ness into a big rock and let it loose on all my dreams, plans and fancies, things I created without His help.

Ah, it's getting late, but I don't care. Tomorrow can be slept away; there's no need to communicate with any humans.

1 comment:

J*Rob said...

Good luck at Nationals!