Shack Plans

Alright, the time has come to reveal what has been the source of my insomnia for a few days last week. The tentative plan to build and live in a tiny house in Austin! I've written about this topic before. At least this is how it plays out in my mind:

Build a tiny house on a trailer bed using this plan and these guidelines. Materials will cost less than $10,000. (Save up first.) Find some friends on the Eastside who would let us park the house in their large yard. Get rid of most of our stuff, except for some clothes, books, camping gear, and kitchen essentials. After everything is paid for, pay no rent!! And only like $20/ month in utilities. Feel good, clean less, and spend more time with other people outside.

Yeah, yeah?? I ran the idea past B and he barely batted an eye. (His remained glued to his iPhone.) It's hard to let go of private space. I even pointed out that he only truly uses like 100 square feet in our duplex: the couch, his computer chair, the area in front of the stove, the bathroom, and the bed. I also have no idea how the two cats would fare in a dramatically reduced space. Anyway, I wanted to put that out there, as an alternative to buying a house or renting regular (poorly designed) properties, because just think about how much money you could end up saving. And an exercise in minimalism could really help our engorged appetite for material stuffs.

I was chatting up C today at work about housing. Usually it's just the two of us in a small office suite, and we let loose on whatever is going on in our heads. I am generally not great at opening up to coworkers, especially ones who are older (her kid's in college), but the work is so dull that I can't help myself. C lives in a suburb of Austin and commutes 30-40 minutes to work each day. I was relaying the benefits of small communities and small houses, and I got to see the wheels start turning in her head. She agreed with me that living in a 3000+ square foot house was a waste of energy, and having a car per person in the family was also supremely wasteful. "So much of our political issues are tied to oil, we use so much gas and I'm not sure I want my money to go there." As a consultant, C used to travel extensively for her work, and thus lived in hotels most of the time. The idea of tiny houses resonated with her because she knew that she could live with a few number of possessions and still be happy. It's heartening to see someone so mired in living out the American Dream rethink their priorities and needs. I know there are more people like that who live in Austin... it's just that so much has to change here for it to reach the standards of green, minimal, community-oriented living. I am definitely not willing to wait a lifetime for this to happen. In the back of my head, there is an Austin exit strategy waiting to emerge once conditions get fairer.

Something/ Someone Rises To Meet Me

Why am I scared of so many things? Sometimes, I wish I had more of a don't-give-a-fuck attitude about the little things. Offend people sometimes, do what I want. Surely that's a tad better than living in the fear of man. It's debilitating a lot of the times. I should live as if I am free, because.. I am. But I can't turn off emotions! They're not to be trusted sometimes. However, I can train myself to feel the right feelings at the appropriate time. Spending so much time around friends whose lives are driven by their emotions has made it difficult for me to do this, but I have to.

It's going to be a real challenge figuring out what I need to start controlling in my life, and what I need to relinquish to a higher power. Faith be turned to sight!

This whole finding housing ordeal is moderately stressful! I know that I won't be homeless come August, but the current mad rush is anxiety-inducing. I hope JJ and I won't have to pay more than we want to for a decent house, but I am willing to pay a good deal more for a comfortable home and peacefulness. Money has always been the top priority in finding a place to live, but I am allowing mental and emotional health to take precedence. Sometimes I want to purchase a house so bad.. Nevermind about that, since I plan on moving out of Austin within the next few years to see another part of the US or world. I don't want to become provincial, even though Texas is a great state. No better time to do it! And the only way I can determine my limits is to test them, right? Another scary idea. I suppose I must get over my irrational desire for a perfect and easy life, whatever that really means, because that's not my main goal in living anyway. Oh upbringing, the old rules I've learned from it I still apply, even though I am in an entirely new stage of life, because no new mindset has replaced it. Where is that mindset?? Give me! Maybe I'm not thinking enough about things.

On a musical note:
If you get to wear headphones at work, check out muxfind. It's a muxtape search engine, and probably a great way to get introduced to new music. Here's mine.

Texas Heat

I'm so bad at school, worse than ever. Missing class once again this beautiful warm morning. I forget that someone's paying for my education.

I had to put my Life cereal in the fridge yesterday cause it was so hot that the yogurt clusters had melted and gotten messy. It was disheartening- another downer to living in an old house with no AC in the kitchen. Now that's the sort of thing that happens in a car, not in a pantry.

Ooh, I just registered. See here: Advanced Expository Writing, Beginning Hapkido, Sociological Theory, Criminology, Religion and Society, Pre-Graduate School Internship. Figured I could use a good semester before getting kicked out onto the streets.

In reference to Rinsty's blog, she's good at making stories out of her life, and I am not. Ignoring the fact: One afternoon last week I was at the foot of the long Duval uphill and my TA in one of my classes rode on up next to me. Turns out he lives one block away from Green House. We spent the next 10 minutes or so chatting and riding very slowly up the hill, dodging low tree branches and all. Boots is his name, and he's actually the TA for the class I am skipping out on this very hour. Anyway, he's a nice guy, and has a pretty bad sunglasses tan- everyday he's dressed like he's going out on a hike right after class lets out: sunglasses, boots (haha), hiking socks, outdoorsy shorts, plaid shortsleeve buttonup shirt. It's kind of amusing. It's sad though, cause he teaches lab, and while he is patiently explaining away, everyone else is either on myspace, facebook, or typing up mammoth e-mails. So, since I have this great big research proposal due in a few weeks, I tried to ask him a little about that. And since I am interested in grad school, I asked him about that too. He just finished his dissertation, and I forgot that getting a Ph.D. take six years. Six whole years. Wow, talk about single-track, for women at least. Ok, this is turning into a boring quasi-story. So the point is, I forget that my TA's are people sometimes, and they're often pretty nice folks. How they morph into mean and cynical professors later on, I don't know. It must be because of us. Looking back, I should've introduced myself to Jeremy, my English TA in fresh/soph, because now Rinsty sees him all the time. Oh whizzle.

Whoops. Stupid me, I just put bids on two cameras on eBay, not realizing exactly what I was doing. They're winning and ending in 5 hours. Granted, they are relatively low-quality and old Soviet Leica copies, but two ain't cheap. We'll see what happens.

Because the World is Round.

I take back the invitation in that last post, because I will no longer be enjoying an extra long Christmas vacation: I changed my major! On the third class day. Good grief, it's about time and the good thing is that I didn't wait any longer. But two and a half years though, gee, that's quite a while. My teaching internship would've started this semester and just thinking of spending so much time in an elementary school while taking intensive classes for the next three months finally struck pure dread in my heart. Elementary Education -> Sociology. From surety to uncertainty, in terms of career. Out of the frying pan, but into where?

Our dear friend and roommate Erin Hazel is finally back from Spain! Things have changed, but we're all still finding out in what ways. But seriously, this past week, I would just crack huge silly smiles in the middle of life whenever I thought about her return.

Over the break I decided to become a camper/backpacker and I just about have all the gear, minus a tent. Rachel, Emily and I drove over to Pedernales Falls on Saturday to do some hiking. It was a beautiful day for walking, scrambling and exploring the riverbed, complete with little sinkholes and pools of clear blue-green water. I enjoyed myself, but not more than, say, an well made film or fellowship with friends. Nature is not my god, and I am ashamed of once putting it on that pedestal. It has a place underneath what is truly worthy of devotion.

The girls of 4314 made scalloped sweet potatoes and double cornbread tonight. What hits! There's something about cooking together that is so communal in bringing people together. Or I just stole that from Eve's Revenge. Anyway, it's fun trying new recipes and nothing brings vitality to a house more than life, in the form of loved ones and friends, bustling and noisy. It's late, I promise you a more interesting entry for later.

Half The Weekend

.. is almost over. Way to ease us into school with a 3-day, a 4-day and then a 5-day week, UT. I like that. Ooh, I'm tired! Today at 8:45 I went on a exploration bike ride with Rachel Self (my neighbor across the street) and her friend Emily. Being the novices that we are, we rode a bit aimlessly around Hyde Park for a while and then decided to go to Barton Springs. A bit offroad, a bit sidewalk and a lot of street. It was a gorg day outside and many many people were taking advantage of the Hike and Bike trail around Town Lake, which I have yet to explore. I really want to go on the Greenbelt sometime with someone more experienced. (Actually a guy who works at the next mentioned bike shop said he'd be willing to take me around town and get acquainted with all the routes, cause I had expressed a desire to do so. Hm, still trying to figure out if the offer comes with strings attached.. Oh yeah, and I'd like to do some sort of a ride this semester and it will count for credit for a health project in my KIN class.) After asking a runner for directions, riding around Zilker, gazing jealously at the swimmers at Barton, and going to the nearby Bike Shop for a quick adjustment, we started to head back and stopped at the Tea Embassy on Rio Grande on the way back. It's in a cute house with cases of fine tea and really classy rooms suitable for real tea parties. I purchased 2 oz. of Almond Cookie Green Tea and chatted with the lady behind the counter about how to prepare certain types. She probably thought I looked pretty ridic all sweaty with helmet hair and heat radiating from my body talking about tea distinctions. Other places to visit: the really delish snocone place on 51st and Duval, cute little juice bar on Barton Springs Road, and the 100 year old grocery/sandwich shop on Avenue B.

At the house I showered my sticky boddess and then took on the challenge of moving our roommate's heavy-duty foosball table upstairs with Kristi. It was pretty killer, with only two people doing it, and we ended up having to take off all the legs and dragging the top upstairs. We'll see what Mary thinks about that. Last night the girls and I viewed The Big Lebowski, funny stuff. Walter: "Shut the f*ck up, Donny!!" and "I'm calmer than you, I'm calmer than you.."

Come visit my house if you are in the area. It looks great and things are now starting to get fixed, i.e. dishwasher, blinds getting put up, smoke detectors installed. We really thought that they would never put the latter up, until maybe the house burned down or something. Anyway, the lesson is to be assertive towards your landlords because you are paying them lots of cash. Mm, ok nothing else exciting really. I'd better get crankin' on the schoolwork and give my body a rest.

Waiting for Life

Am in Austin! Am sitting in Quack's, enjoying the Internet and getting ready to study a bit, because it is lonely not having people pick up their phones when it's dark and the house is empty. And, for some cruel reason, I do not get cell phone service until nearly 38th street. I live close to 45th. Terrible! So, we painted the rest of the house/ living room yellow yesterday; light yellow, fiery red and teal look great together. Today I went to All Saints Presbyterian Church new location and the drive was absolutely splendid, even though we were never quite sure if we were following the correct directions. I'm talking about view driving up and down the hills of Barton Creek Blvd. off Bee Caves past 360 N. The little things that I love most happen always when I am actually doing something else. Let's explore more of this great city! Other than that, I have been getting to know my roommate, Kristen: she likes hot Cheetos with buttery toast, is reading Naked by David Sedaris (which I can borrow), has the same laptop and headphones as me, and kicked me out of the house this afternoon when she had a male guest. Boy that was awkward. I hope we'll get along swell the rest of the semester. Ah, sorry for the boring post, my brain must be in a studying mode.

Is this the end of fencing as I know it?
Does this sound ok? I guess it's too late to edit now.
Gosh, I never know how to respond assertively to other people pulling me in different directions. I have yet to learn assertiveness.

Letter to my fencing coach:
Hi Paul,

I have been thinking about the club for a good bit this summer (while fencing at Grapevine Fencing Club/ LaTouche/ Gold Blade Fencing Center like you asked me to) and I don't want to be on the national team starting this year, or even do much competing. Let me explain. Fencing is just a hobby for me and winning a nice by product. Even though I love improving and beating up on my opponents, I am not particularly interested in investing all the time and energy it takes to become a good fencer, like all the extra practices, tournaments and workouts. The price is too high and would be paid for at the expense of higher priorities; ultimately, I fence for fun. I'm also flattered that your expectations of me are quite high, but this resulting pressure is also uncomfortable, especially when I don't demand the same performance from myself. I am starting my teaching certification sequence next semester and I plan to focus on preparing for that right now, along with getting more involved in my campus ministry. I hope you understand and accept this decision, because the UT competitive team deserves to have on it the most dedicated and focused fencers. It is not fair for neither you or me if someone in my position is to represent the very best of our fencing team. I talked to James about it and he agrees with my sentiments. Thanks for your time, Paul.

Frances

A Century of Fakers

"What Goes On" (Real Player) - Sufjan Stevens
[From 2005 "Rubber Soul" tribute album, "This Bird Has Flown"]

==A few photos uploaded==

August 12 2005
Edit:
I'm not doing another rushed entry again. It's terrible stuff!

This weekend had enjoyable parts and it had exceeding lonely parts. I'm glad I didn't have to stay there all summer. That house is not a home, yet. I played the role of reclusive cat lady half the time, sitting around in the house, stroking the felines, and shaking my head at the disarray of everything. There were many points in time (among people) when I wanted to disappear from the face of the earth, but not in a violent or despairing way. I'm tired. It would've been easier to not have to deal with all that awkwardness and dead time. Whatever, I'm sure I'll always harbor that selfish thought somewhere in the back of my consciousness. I ate some of my leftover gingerbread pancake today. It was pretty excellent this time. Meg, my breakfast date and RUF intern, forgot about our breakfast get together that morning, so I sat on the bench leafing through the latest Alamo Drafthouse schedule. (I called her eventually.) I'm not a huge huge fan, but how awesome is it that they are showing the LOTR trilogy with a seven course hobbit meal interspersed throughout the viewing? And I remember when Amelie came out, they gave each audience member a creme brulee and a spoon with which to crack the caramelized top. How can you not love a theater that hosts events like that? E&K picked out paint colors for our house and it's so last minute so I am probably not going to help paint. I amn't going down every single weekend til school starts. The dining room is a light yellow, probably won't be able to tell if it's the reflection of light or real paint, the dining room a fiery red, the kitchen a hint of blue, like the lightest sky, the bathroom a light lavender, and Kristi's room a mint green, like the outside of the house. All the light colors were so darn near white that I could barely see the sample dab on their stickers. I swear, if it wasn't for the dining room and my room, our house would be a genuine Easter egg. Where's the Austin boldness? That's OK though roommies, I am looking forwards to the photos and finished product anyway. I think I just felt like a rant. And we didn't smoke any cigs, that was a joke. Smoking cigarettes is a nasty habit to pick up and quite a costly way of slowly killing yourself. I've had cigars and pipes before, they seem much more refined, like art. But I've given those up for the time, as they are still tobacco and cancerous. The blood drawing experience was great, as I got to see one of Mary's workplaces (the other being the Cactus cafe on campus) and do something to help sick people. She was very kind and gentle to me the whole time, after I admitted I was a bit nervous, and even sat and chatted with me at the "recovery room" with all the snacks and ice cream.

I went over to Jocelyn's house for a potluck and we ended up with less people than expected, so the only way to down all that food was to be distracted by a movie. We watched Snatch. I had never seen it and it pleasantly exceeded my expectations. Those British films, I can never quite get them. Oh yes, and thank you Mr. Richie for no gratuitous gore. I guess I'm going shopping this afternoon for more dressy clothes, that's all I really need now. I say that every Sunday. Shopping is so tiring and it's hard to find things I like. Personal shopper, anyone? All I want are things with which I can get by, to be presentable. That's all you need really, none of that time consuming riff raff. Don't you ever get tired of buying new things? Strange enough, I am and am ready for a life of simplicity and purpose.

The discovery of my drive to explore. I've been thinking about this and how I love relating to places and developing connections. They don't have to be deep, although they should. I have never been to Europe and it's my next destination, I hope. Why? Hard to say. And going to foreign places makes coming home so much sweeter. Of course, it'll never do if all I am for is to fill a big void in my life. I know it can be good for other things. If I want to see more of the world, if definitely has to be done before marriage, because marriage means kids. Perhaps my mate will enjoy seeing things as well. Mind you, I don't want to be one of those weary, older mothers who decide to start a family after they make sure their careers are firmly established or whatever. That isn't good for anyone. Poor Dalbert in the 6th grade lamented on how he is going to have to grow up faster because his parents are just so darn old. Of course, you can't always help this, but I'll plan what I can.

Oh and the best part of the day was this morning after service.
Pastor Katong (to Jocelyn): "Excuse me, are you related to Jocelyn?"
Jocelyn: "Um, I am Jocelyn."

Harhar, why do we never think of younger people growing older like the rest of us? It has made centuries of offenses for sure.

My new phone has been acting up again, putting in gibberish entries and deleting numbers. I've already sent in for a new one- this one is faulty as well. Maybe I should change the SIM card this time. Curse technology! I know that getting upset at an inanimate object does absolutely no good, but arg! Ah, what a waste of frustration! Bah.

2

Song of the day.
Romantic Rights
[Death From Above 1979]

No real update, because there has been another change of plans: I am leaving for Austin in the next hour and will be there for a few days. I'll let you know the juicy details after!

EDIT:
Peoples! A short notice last last night, and now I am in Austin. So it was a secret, but now I can say that as of last night, my friend Sara Linville is engaged!! Yahh!! She's a year older than me and way cool. I'll post pictures as soon as I get home and upload them. Anyway, wow. And that's all I have to say about that.
What did I do last night? Well I'll tell you. After the engagement party (which was thinly disguised as a housewarming party), where there was much wine (none for me), friendly friends and a few parents, we went home to the house. Ah! We sat outside on the sidewalk next to the street and chatted a bit in the cool night wind, while cars slowed down to peek at our cute abode. (Well, not so much, there's a speed bump there.) We noticed our neighbors out, this cute girl playing with a gigantic homemade hula hoop and a few guys sitting out on the front porch. Anyway, we met them, and then got kinda sad that they were only staying for a few more months. The girl works at the original Kerbey Lane (nice!) and is an independent fashion designer. Her boyfriend's father was so funny, after offering us drinks and smoke and us politely refusing, he said he would make it his goal to "corrupt us college girls" and went on to assign each of us a brand of cigarettes for "orientation smoking" tomorrow night. Then I cut out on the fun and went to bed, but laid there for a long time, not used to the new environment and hearing my roommate Mary creak the floorboards upstairs while finishing up painting her room.
OK! Lunch at Foodhead's in thirty minutes, then going to the blood and tissue center to let Mary draw my blood, then eating the prize, a pint of ice cream, then going to Waterloo and picking up Okkervi River perhaps, then dinner at the delish vegetarian restaurant across from the street, Mother's, then who knows! OK sorry for the quick update, will make the language better when I have time. <3

Dramatics

Today we were supposed to find out if we got the house or not. For those of you who haven't heard about the house, consider yourselves lucky. There has been enough drama concentrated in the past few weeks to power a high school. The house itself is charming and if you'd like to see for yourself, here are some photos.
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/atthisspeed/my_photos
Geez, I can't wait for resolution. Most of us have nearly gone off the deep end squabbling about this blasted house. At least I've learned once more that I need to think things through before agreeing to anything and to stand up for myself. Easy to say, necessary to do. My mistakes have led to the creation of a few cost-ugly problems, but wonder of wonders, the Lord is good (!) and He has provided a way out. Prayer works!

Today is also the day I found out that Vans slip-ons don't fit me. (Alas, my feet are too wide. Same problem with Chacos.) This is not the first time I was willing to shell out $40 for a pair of canvas + rubber products that costs less than $4 to make. What can I say? I let trends drag me around sometimes. But in this case, because comfort always comes before fashion, I will forgo them. You can get them, though.

Today + 1 day is Janessa's birthday, April 13th! Be sure to wish her a happy day tomorrow if you see her.