X...16

B showed me this song by Hello Saferide. Those Swedish pop singers. Only after a few listens did I really like it. It is sorta sad. Can somewhat identify with the poor dear. Been reading John Irving's The World According to Garp. So much sex through the lens of reality. Uncomfortable to think about how ordinary it is. Disappointing only because of what, wretched early fantasies? Thanks, world.

mp3

"X Telling Me About The Loss Of Something Dear, At Age 16"

I looked up at the ceiling the entire time
Well it didn’t last for long
Like 15 minutes or so. They had said it would hurt, but it didn’t

His face all grumped up, veins were showing on his forehead
Closed my eyes and thought of dancers,
closed my eyes and thought of dancers

I thought of what my friends would say
I thought of how my life would change
I just laid real still there on the bed.

Afterwards I said, like I hear you’re supposed to:
“Was it good for you as well”
He was proud, said: “Ok we can do it again
But maybe this time, you can do it better than this
You can do it better than this.”

I faked to come, because I hear you’re supposed to
There was obviously something wrong with me and I didn’t want him to know

I was afraid he’d have a heartattack and die
I went to work at the shoestore and waved him goodbye
I felt sad, but I didn’t know why

Do you want those in red, I said
250 with laces, I said
Years later, I can still vision that forehead

Img source: Orcutt.net