Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The Pursuit of Knowledge not an end to itself. You help people, and then the kingdom expands. I don't know what to do. I want to learn! Reading TOAFK sparked my interest in medieval British history and the like. The times are so different, I can't imagine living in a period when people kill each other and plunder cities on a daily basis. Nope, can't. But what am I to do? It'll be good to teach kids. I want to guide and shape them. I am a lazy piece of ass, that's it. Selfish to where I don't even know what's going on anymore. The world is bigger than my life. People know things, profound things, everyone will experience sooner or later. Why am I living such a shallow life? I want to go deeper and stop being satisfied with worldly possessions. I want to feel. There's more to life than making myself the most happy and comfortable I and my loved ones can be. When the "do's" take over, the "don'ts" will be assumed. Funny thing, the book "Don't Waste Your Life" is on my desk right now. Hard stuff. I have to keep using my brain and my heart and my hands. I don't- that's why I am bored and turn to irrelevant things. Will I always feel a pang of guilt every time I do something extravagant or selfish? Some people in the world have great needs. I've been given, no, entrusted with so much, show me where to share it and give it away. I'm glad that the Lord is revealing some of these things to a low-life servant like me, pleasing myself all the time. The mind always knew, but now the heart is starting to change and it get involved. All that's left is the will now. I'm being overwhelmed by knowledge, the good things of the world, and wanting it all. Is simplicity of opposite of it? Why does it matter? Let me be a tool then, because I don't understand everything. I don't want to be jaded. Create in me change!

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