Monday, February 16, 2009

Studio Ghibli


I just about yelled when I saw this flyer at Buffalo* yesterday. Studio Ghibli films (notably those of Hayao Miyazako) are some of the best animated films ever made. Not only are they immaculately drawn, they are full of unforgettable characters, vivid imagination, and timeless themes. Many of the peaceful natural settings trigger a kind of nostalgia for life's simple pleasures. It's hard for me to explain how much some of these films have so deeply touched me when I watched them as a teenager.. and how.. The couple of SG films I have seen feature young girls with strong wills and good hearts who go off on wildly imaginative adventures, meeting magical friends, mysterious young men, and surprisingly relatable villains along the way. Actually, much of the stories are open-ended and not fully explained, but are intricately woven, which lends to the wonder of it all. The ordinary is transformed into the extraordinary, and hope is ever-present. One could call it a childhood innocence, but they are by no means naive. And they are by no means only for children either. Studio Ghibli serves as a golden example that storytelling is truly an art.

I plan to have my kids grow up watching these, instead of Disney or whatever animated films will dominate the American film industry at that time. And, I am so, so psyched that APL has the good taste to put this on. Good to know that Austin doesn't have a narrow taste for only weird, hip, art, or local filmmaking. These free screenings are highly recommended! (I'll be there starting March 14, for Castle in the Sky)

*Buffalo Exchange- I really don't prefer going there. Second hand shops always have such a mysterious old smell about them, and their stuff isn't really that cheap anyway. And their so snooty about which clothes of yours they will take, when they've got ugly/trite pieces in their racks. I've known many people to unearth some gems there, but I do not have that drive in me. I sold a bagful of clothes (mostly from Hong Kong and Japan) for $28. I was so proud of my earnings, until I realized that I have dropped twice that price for single articles of clothing that I ended up not wearing. The more things you buy, the more money you lose.. It's a bit frustrating to me that clothes are so expensive, but then again, we (lower middle class and up) don't buy clothes for their functional purpose most of the time, we buy them for their social value. The fashion cycle sucks. Per the capitalism articles below, we are totally being duped. You'll never capture the new (which is actually always recycled = old).

Source: City of Austin APL

Friday, February 13, 2009

Burnout

I'm on a Rob Horning roll!

This excerpt exemplifies a feeling I've always been haunted by and only recently pinpointed.

"In Marx’s view, the economic roles we fulfill shape the horizon of our subjective aims while serving the underlying function of reproducing the existing system. For most of us, that economic role boils down to “consumer”, which means we must embody the restless pursuit of novelty, at least to the degree to which we want to be at harmony with the culture we live in. As a result, it’s hard to avoid the feeling of missing out on something, no matter how into whatever it is we actually are doing."

Article

Ennui

The article that I referenced a few posts below is so dense. I honestly can't stop thinking about it. I used to think hard about these things while I was in school studying Sociology. The future we fear is here.
If you haven't read it, give it a look. I even made the font tiny for you.

"The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people."
— Marx, Philosophical and Economic Manuscripts

From Envy to Ennui
In a culture where the Duane Reade drug store on my corner is selling, of all things, The Great Santini on DVD, you have to wonder whether the tortuous paths commodities take to get to market are even capable of being analyzed. Clearly the whole system has become so huge and unwieldy that the distribution of goods follows its own Byzantine logic. It's as if the goods themselves seek out sites for profit making, or colonizing new spaces for the market, with Borg-like efficiency. It seems to make no sense to talk about scarcity in such a culture, but it may be that scarcity is most acute in a society that is surfeited with goods, and one of the primary forms in which this scarcity makes itself felt is boredom, a perpetual discontentment, a restless desire for the new.

Scarcity, as economist Marshall Sahlins among many others argues, is not some absolute, ontological condition, universally consistent no matter the context. Scarcity is actually relative, defined, in Sahlins's words, by "a relationship between means and ends." (Stone-Age Economics, Aldine, 1972). What one feels she is lacking is determined by what others in society are capable of getting. Scarcity isn't a matter of deprivation; it's a matter of cultivated envy. We are well fed, yet we feel deprived in proportion to the amount of stuff those similar to us seem to have. The human need for distinction runs almost as deep as the need to eat (if not deeper, if pathological dieting is any indication). The twin forces of emulation (the tendency of social classes to emulate the consumption patterns of those above them, thus forcing the upper classes to change them) and adaptation (the unfortunate way humans come to take any established level of material comfort for granted) conspire to make discontent chronic. So despite mass production, which was supposed to bring about universal satiety, we have found ways to create symbolic scarcity — scarcity at the level of social or cultural capital, to use sociologist Pierre Bourdieu's terminology — when no material scarcity exists.

This isn't because we're naturally vain and capricious. Rather, it's because social validation is fundamental to our well-being, and increasingly, our only source of social recognition is through the things we own. It's the commodity of respect — the sense of being socially recognized — that continues to be rationed, even amidst a superfluity of Great Santini DVDs and six-ounce bags of ranch-flavored Doritos and the like. Economist Fred Hirsch argues that what he calls "social scarcity" derives from the inevitable existence of positional goods, that special preserve of rare goods that can confer status, that can serve as a commodified, simplified means for granting the social respect we require. For example, the fashion industry exists, essentially, to manufacture positional goods out of homogenous, unbranded ones. Producing more goods in general can do nothing to ease the feelings of scarcity that come from this; in fact, a greater supply of schlocky 99-cent-store junk may be necessary to lend fashionable goods their air of comparative scarcity. Far from being a cure for social scarcity, mass production may be its precondition.

If this line of thinking is correct, the permanence of social classes, (regardless of the capacity to move between them, despite the egalitarian promise implicit in democracy) renders all striving, all attempts to consume one's way up the ladder, pointless. The rules are always changing; once you get the SUV, your betters start driving a Prius. And even if you own the right things, your nouveau-riche awkwardness with them will stigmatize you. Only after we've taken the bait and chased after the positional goods, do we discover how mercurial the upper-class habitus — the approach to living [elaborated by Bourdieu in Distinction (Harvard UP, 1987)] that only a life-long sense of entitlement can engender, manifest in things like body language and conversational style as well as subtlety of taste — can be. It's at this point, when the ladder reveals itself as a treadmill, that the pangs of class jealousy are transformed into boredom, and the turning wheel of fashion is reconfigured in the popular mind as not a generator of class distinction but a whimsical cavalcade of novelties for their own sake. The struggle against boredom, then, helps keep us motivated in the face of an intransigent class structure.

Learning Boredom
As someone who's overwhelmed with anxiety if confronted with a 10-minute train ride with no reading material, I'm always amazed at how very young children can entertain themselves for hours with a Lincoln log, a Lego piece, or a pretzel stick. I'm no child psychologist (I'm not even a parent) but my limited observations lead me to think that a kid's instinctual impulse is to entertain herself by creating, by engaging with things, by interacting with the environment and with others in order to discover the limits of her understanding and possibly expand that limit while demonstrating a greater mastery over reality and her ability to manipulate materials. In this, she demonstrates autonomy and efficacy, things strongly correlated with individual happiness, according to political scientist Robert Lane's assessment of recent psychological and sociological research (The Loss of Happiness in Market Democracies, Yale UP, 2001.) So why do children by the age of eight seem so eager to be passive, so willing to stare at screens, waiting to be mesmerized? Why do they suddenly become screechingly bored if they can't watch Shrek 2 from the back seat on a ride to the grocery store? In other words, how do they inevitably become subject to my predicament?

Something awful seems to happen to American children in front of televisions and in the aisles of big-box toy stores and in movie theaters. The discipline kids learn in the theater, for example, reinforces in a "play" context lessons taught in elementary school: their anxious parents shushing them and demanding them to be quiet, and still and non-vocal, purely interior and self-involved in their responses. They learn passivity, becoming complacent and reliant upon the culture industry for their ability to be distracted from themselves, to be "entertained". There they are, surrounded by other kids for the sole purpose of reinforcing the message that they should never pay attention to each other but instead to these retarded cartoon animals flickering on the screen in front of them. Pleasure, the message is, comes from products, not from the company of peers. A child's ability to engage himself in the world is thereby routed through entertainment, and the idea that he would make his own entertainment fades from their world of possibilities. The child has become primed for boredom.

It should be impossible to be bored in a society such as America, with such a boisterous and thriving culture industry that devotes billions of dollars to keeping people entertained with a cornucopia of films, television shows, songs, magazines, books, sporting events, tourist destinations, celebrity award shows, and the like. But entertainment is subject to the same paradoxes of scarcity as any other commodity. Just as the more a society produces, the more potential there is for the feeling of scarcity, for perceiving relative scarcity; the more entertainment options there are, the more we become aware of boredom. In other words, boredom is relative, too. It is a skill that must be learned.

After the childhood years, boredom is taught primarily in the workplace, where scientific management schemes and efficiency experts have systematically made work boring by removing from it every iota of thought and skill. If every movement a worker must make is prescribed in advance, the chance of a worker wasting time is reduced radically, as is the chance he'll derive any enjoyment from his job. But that's all right: quashing meaningful work is a good in and of itself (in fact, modern economics is predicated on individuals seeing work as a "disutility") as it means workers will be forced to rely on post-work leisure-time consumption as compensation for the drudgery of the work day. Satisfying work might hamper the consuming impulse.

In "Labor and Monopoly Capital", (Monthly Review Press, 1974) Harry Braverman describes how scientific-management practices that were first implemented in factories to maximize productive efficiency — organizing assembly lines, installing time clocks, stripping workers of their craft knowledge (skills learned through experience) and institutionalizing it at the management level, reducing jobs to the simplest repetitive motions — spread throughout the whole of the capitalist economy so that no one's free from having their work pre-planned and rationalized. So rather than finding work that allows one to discover her particular talents, one is instead forced to reduce oneself to the contours of a restricting job description prepared in advance.

As all aspects of work are rationalized, all workers become clock-watchers, acutely aware of the value of time, and hence covetous of it as though it were a precious object. Any moment not planned for begins to feel wasted, any thought not already directed at some productive end feels like a useless one, until finally one feels startled and affronted if left with any free time to deepen thought or discover new things to think about. We start to interpret the rare freedom to let one's mind roam unencumbered as indicative of underutilization, and we almost resent such free time, as though our bosses have somehow underestimated us and not given us enough to do. Since we're trained from childhood not to value the luxury of free thought, and since all initiative to think for ourselves and all cultural validation for autodidacticism has been effaced from the working world, we experience this erstwhile freedom to think undirected thoughts as boredom, as sullen blankness.

Perfecting Disposability
Given this dire scenario, the culture industry's primary function becomes one of habituating workers to their fate: to routinely expect boredom and to see the oscillation in and out of states of boredom as the only kind of joy. So accordingly, mass entertainments, with their interchangeable stories and their quick-cut edits and their rejection of complexity, carefully cultivate the short-attention span, continuing the cultural work initiated at the multiplex during the children's movie. Concentration is counterproductive in a consumer, whereas boredom suits the consumer economy: incapable of forming deep attachments to cultural commodities, and spurred by sublimated class envy, shoppers become perpetually restless for novelty, making serial purchases with spiraling frequency until the ever more tenacious habit of boredom renders them instantaneously empty upon possession. At that point, the act of acquisition is the only moment of pleasure, and one's life becomes a perpetual buying spree.

So one doesn't become bored with popular culture, boredom is built into it: in the products themselves and the system by which they're disseminated. Of course, if you could just listen to one album and find lasting entertainment, the music industry would suffer. Hence, the record industry tilts toward albums like Crunk Juice and artists like Jessica Simpson rather then turning out London Calling after London Calling. Planned obsolescence is the popular-culture norm; it's perverse to expect it to be other than disposable. Disposability may be what marks it as popular culture; it's popular because it's accessible to a maximum amount of people for a minimal amount of time, so that over time, the maximum amount is consumed. Not bound by the upper-class habitus that makes social landmines of positional goods, popular culture has no educational prerequisites. And its effervescent transience means you stake none of your identity on it. It requires no commitment. No one ever really remembers that you enjoyed the last Brittany Murphy movie, or that you liked that Tweet single, or that you were tracking the fate of Jen and Brad's relationship.

Often, cultural critics make the mistake of suggesting that the shallowness of the People magazines and the reality dating shows and the Alone in the Dark's of the world is a consequence of the shallow people making it, and with better artists and better material it could be redeemed. But its shallowness is not an unfortunate effect of circumstances or a reflection of its creators. It takes great skill, armies of talented editors and producers, to make it that way. Like record executives, television producers and magazine editors are not out to keep you perpetually fascinated by any one thing they've crafted. This would quickly make their jobs superfluous. Actually, the editors seeking bold-faced names and quick-hitting anecdotes to fill the front-of-book sections of celebrity weeklies and lifestyle monthlies, by applying their criteria of immediacy and timeliness and sensuousness, by demanding writing that seems to read itself and that elicits those sugary bursts of fascination that have the unfortunate effect of quickly burning out your attention, by applying the hypersensitivity to boredom that mainly constitutes their craft knowledge, essentially teach you how to be quickly bored.

In failing to presume attentiveness in readers, editors posit by their efforts an ideal reader who is unenthusiastic, tepid, uninterested, shallow. And in reading what they fashion for us, we become this shallow person. And happily so, because this shallow person is everywhere being validated by the culture created with him (or her) in mind, all the flattery inherent in beer and truck commercials, all the solicitous interest paid in cosmetics ads, all the earnest well-wishing in advice columns and horoscopes. With real social recognition more and more scarce, we accept this ersatz validation as substitute.

It's better to regard the true task of the editor not as discriminating among cultural goods for us but expediting our consumption of them. Editors make our experience of culture faster; they allow us to take in more. So while seeming to refine the quality of culture, editors are actually concerned with quantities. As with shopping, where the pleasure of purchasing is often more salient than the usefulness of what is bought, picking what to read next may give more pleasure than reading itself. Thus, the faster we can absorb cultural objects — book reviews, songs, Tivoed TV shows, restaurants, et cetera — the happier we are, as we get to the pleasure of selecting more and more of them. What has become tantamount, here as in the workplace, is efficiency, maximizing the usage of our consumption time just as we have been taught to maximize our production.

It takes time and effort to consume; it's as much a job as our job. According to economist Staffan Linder, the wider array of choices of how to spend our leisure time makes every minute of that time more valuable. If we work to enjoy leisure, then consumption time needs to be as concentrated as work time, as full of as much stuff as possible (The Harried Leisure Class, Columbia UP, 1970). Hence, the modern editor and her analogues seek to permit us to read as much of, say, Entertainment Weekly, as we can while sitting on the toilet, or riding the bus, or sitting in a waiting room. In this way, convenience becomes a predominant value in our culture, to the point where ease of consumption trumps the nature of what specifically is being consumed. (It's better to eat quickly at Burger King than dally over diner food.) If the breadth of our social identity develops through consumption, then convenient consumption makes us bigger people. It gives our lives more throughput.

But just as new highways merely lead to more traffic congestion and cell phone use seems to lead to much more inefficient planning, more conveniently consumable commodities only sharpen the urgency of our consuming need without yielding much satisfaction. The quantum leap in convenience afforded by technology and by our increasingly efficient markets open up unimaginable possibilities for consumption and choice, but we end up overwhelmed by them and the time we need to sort all of them out. Conveniences don't lead to more leisurely relaxation; they just lead to a heightened need for more conveniences. And these multiplying options do nothing to assuage boredom; they merely cement its status as our default emotion, what we feel in the absence of feeling, what was once known as "peace".

* * *
For more Rob Horning, visit the Marginal Utility blog.

No more fantasy


Daniel
When I first saw you
I knew that you had a flame in your heart
And under wild blue sky, marble moon skies
I found a home in your eyes, we'd never be apart

And when the fires came, the smell of cinders and rain
Perfumed almost everything
We laughed and laughed and laughed
And in the golden blue,
You took me to the darkest place you knew
And set fire to my heart

When I run in the dark
Daniel
Into a place that's lost
Daniel
Under a sheet of gray (?) in my heart
I dream of home

But in a goodbye bet with my arms around your neck
Into our mouths the tears crept,
Just kids in the eye of the storm
And as my house (?) ran round,
My dream pulled me from the ground
Forever to search for the flame,
For home again, for home again


-- Moving song, but I've become more cynical about fantasy worlds in art. Time to live in the actual world?--

Made the chocolate lava cake of yesterday's post. I used a small 7" casserole dish ($1 from Goodwill), left it too long in the oven, so it wasn't molten, but fully cooked. It was super rich and B and I couldn't even finish it between the 2 of us. He had it mixed in with his vanilla yogurt, which reminded me of how my roommates and I used to do that with No-Pudge brownies to make them go a little bit further.

Commented on a recent blog post by my friend Rachel. The topic of her post really hit me hard and reminded me of what I lack in my surroundings and social interactions. I have too many things, and not enough community. Why is it so hard to cultivate or find??

Img source: Jorgen1032's photostream

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Tortuous Boredom

Why are we still so bored in a culture of rampant consumption? This is what I'm afraid of for my kids, and what I'm struggling so hard against right now. Partly why I can't stand visiting sites like Ffffound or It's Nice That more than every once in a while.
Don't become vapid and useless. Non-stop exposure to entertainment and "things" can turn you into machine that ceases to think or feel.

"The culture industry's primary function becomes one of habituating workers to their fate: to routinely expect boredom and to see the oscillation in and out of states of boredom as the only kind of joy."

Article

Want Now


I want to try this recipe ASAP. The photo is enough to make me go back to Tuesday Morning and buy a discount Le Creuset oval baking stoneware dish. And maybe a few ramekins for future souffles.. Simple directions, common ingredients, and tasty- yes!!

Also seen at The Kitchn / Apt Therapy.

B4L

Enjoying the new Bat for Lashes today. It's way less boring than her last album, Fur & Gold. Dark, but not heavy. Good, but not stunning. She is also constantly being compared to Bjork and Kate Bush, both formidable musicians, which I think is sorta unfair. Let the girl do her own thing!
Glass - really dig the drums in this
Daniel

And new Neko Case! Man I love her voice.
People Got A Lotta Nerve

Yesterday I got all worked up into a baking frenzy and then burned out at the end of the night. Made homemade pasta sauce (tomatoes, garlic, onion, spinach, zucchini, sausage), baked no-time bread, peach-blackberry crisp, and caramelized brussel sprouts with bacon. Too much cleaning and fullness!

Photo doesn't do justice. This came out steaming and bubbling after I opened the cover. Pretty healthy dessert! Fruit, flour, sugar, spices, oats, butter.

5 minutes of kneading, 50 seconds of microwave time, 15 minutes of rise time.

Result! A fragrant and very dense loaf of white whole wheat bread. Will try the no-knead recipe on some weekend.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Azn alert

There's another Asian in the house! Well, she works in the upstairs suite and is probably giving me a bad name. I like using the bathrooms upstairs because they are cleaned more often, but lately she's been leaving obvious black strands of hair in the sink and get this... peeing on the toilet seat!?!? If you're not going to sit on the toilet at least pee into it. This is no good. And we have the same kinky, scraggly hair (maybe from not brushing and substituting bedhead for style).

I have encountered her once. I hate it when Asians look at me differently, merely because I look the same. I didn't decide my looks. It makes me feel weird, because there is definitely no connection, even in a roomful of white people.

Sara and Jeni- No laughing!
--

Watched The Girl Who Leapt Through Time during dinner with B last night. (I made a tomato-zucchini-mushroom pasta sauce for our Butoni. Not into canned or jarred premade sauce anymore, since it's so easy to make your own). I will never admit that I like anime in general, because the definition is too loose, but this movie I liked very much. It was whimsical without being weird, and featured strong character development/ growing up. The anime that I have watched most often features a young girl protagonist, and most often makes me melancholy afterward. It's the hints that there is magic underneath the surface of your small existence, and that you can experience great joys and loss from tapping into that. Like Spirited Away and especially Howl's Moving Castle, there were so many questions left unanswered in this movie. I guess it's only American movies that have to make everything so obvious and neatly tied up for their audiences to not feel uncomfortable later on. Here's a well-written review.

Boyd's loving on the laptop while we watch. No chewing allowed. Or scary cat reflective eyes.

I want to go on a safari

Yesterday after work, I went to Tuesday Morning in search of some discount kitchen supplies. I grew up near a Tuesday Morning and had always regarded it as a junk store that my grandma liked to buy flowery mugs from. I think I only went in there once. I'm glad I gave it another chance in another life stage, because it's great! It's like a smaller Ross or Marshalls. Because I can't or shoudn't afford a dutch oven, I found a clay baking brick to use for baking bread. Never seen one before. It was only $20. There was a larger Emeril casserole pot that would've been much more appropriate, but I find it so hard to resist classic and functional items. Now I can finally try one of the various no-knead bread recipes; the original was published in the NYT in 2006, since then normal people have been going crazy over it (and dutch ovens). Less rise time! No rise time! Divide the dough in 2! Dutch oven alternatives! Flickr pool!

I love plain, cardboard packaging. Especially for items that are purportedly of high quality.


Isn't it such a cute shape? It is unglazed clay. So raw. And in the old-style logo on the lid, it says "for cooking meat or fowl at home or on a safari." Who can resist? Not me. What is clay pot cooking?

I also bought a Cuisinart Santoku knife for B. At 1/3 the list price, I couldn't resist, even though I am on a tight budget. (I should instead encourage him to buy items he actually needs instead of fancy beer/food). I've been using mine for months and I love it. Can't believe I was previously using a serrated knife for all my cutting.

Here's an article about good kitchen finds in thrift stores, by the famed Mark Bitten. I am one of those who have jumped on the bandwagon- not for old clothes, but for old supplies. I need to limit my trips to Goodwill these days. Reuse, ya'll!

In other hobbies news, I finished Grant's scarf. I used the same brown yarn with rainbow flecks that I used on B's laptop and ds cases. Hope he likes it. I am thinking about shipping it to him, but he is coming down for SXSW in March and claims that Pittsburgh is still cold enough to wear a scarf then. Whew! Here it is being modeled by B.


This probably concludes my crocheting for a while. For Texans, at least. I'd take orders though. Doing it makes me feel a little bit more productive, and I need to feel productive to feel good. Haha. And that's what I'm going to try and address with my job, sometime..

[All photos taken with my phone, a Nokia 3120 Classic. I figured it's way more convenient to take and send photos to my email address, now that I have MMS setup- thanks B! I also haven't taken photos in nearly a week. Probably doesn't help that my cameras are all stowed away in the trunk. I am experiencing a lack of inspiration. This is bad, because I just bought and refurbished a camera. But what is worth taking a picture of? Same old life!]

Monday, February 09, 2009

Small Chances

This was a weird weekend. Broken car doors, big fight, crying in public, boring church conference, lost my DS... new rear wheel on my fixie, no photo-taking, found my DS, saw old ex-church friends, lots of sitting indoors, and recording.

B and I recorded a few tracks using Garageband yesterday afternoon. We were indoors for most of the day, which might have been unfortunate, since it was such a nice, overcast day outside, but it was worth it. I'm always glad to expand my creative pursuits, especially musically, since I played music (orchestra, "praise" band) up until the end of college. I've never really written my own music before. It's so hard to make something good. IMO, the biggest challenge is figuring out when to play and when not to play. Controlling your ideas and forcing them into an organized, thought-out package that makes sense and isn't just haphazard. That's where musicality comes in.

Recording requires a level of precision and perfectionism that usually incites my anxiety. And even though I secretly enjoy singing, I am frightened to bits when doing it in front of others. I don't have a very robust voice, it's more akin to a whisper, but if Vashti Bunyan can do it, then it must be OK. So to start small, I decided to cover a simple folk song that I can actually play on the guitar. It's only the first verse too. Rough and short, but at least I made something. B did the mixing/ effects. It's called "Second Chances" (original by Small Sur).

You can hear it here. (Only 10 downloads allowed since this is a free account, but I assume that will more than cover the readership of this post, haha.)

Friday, February 06, 2009

the velvet rut

My friend Maggie sent me this excerpt. Looks like I am in the early stages. Shoot. Edit: Apparently she was referring to Austin. I'm not afraid of leaving it though.

Humans are creatures of habit and often guilty, unintentionally, of lapsing into patterns that can, and often do, adversely impact many areas of their lives. As youngsters we tended to resist responsibilities and when allowed to continue, soon learned rules aren't for everyone - "if you're smart." When such patterns were allowed to develop, and as we grew older, we began to look for short cuts in every task we faced, no matter what, or whom, we had to use, in doing so.


The 'Velvet Rut' is where you find yourself in an unfulfilling job in which you are not learning anything new, not using the full extent of your skills and are just bored stiff. You probably disconnected several months ago and are now just going through the motions. The work is no longer stretching. You can do most of it with your eyes closed so you are unlikely to get fired for poor performance. Your level of competence and familiarity with the job means that, while it is not exciting, it isn't scary either. You are pretty much marking time. The difference between the 'Velvet Rut' and any normal rut, is that the pay and benefits are very good. You couldn't get the same amount of money for such an easy life anywhere else.
The longer you stay, the more comfortable the environment becomes because you know the organisation inside out and can therefore work the system. You thus minimise the risk of anything unexpected happening or of being faced with difficult situations. Seniority and good relationships leave you well placed politically, so the pay rises and good bonuses keep coming. You are also too expensive to make redundant because of your long service. You might feel as if your brain is shrinking and sometimes want to scream at the tedium and banality of it all but, in the final analysis, they are paying you way too much for you to pack it in and do something else.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Blowup

Vanessa Redgrave

The times when I have truly savored a piece of art (music, film, book) have become rare. When it happens, I must remember it. I watched Blowup by myself one uneventful weekday night. I had heard of it before, and knew it was artsy and therefore, possibly quite boring, as I find so many art flicks to be. Not really knowing what to expect, I plopped down in front of my Macbook Pro with a glass of limeade, and was hooked by the first scene. This isn't meant to be a proper review, so if you want that, check out Amazon. The film was slow (normally can't stand that), but the shots were all so thoughtfully composed that I was never bored. It was especially interesting because the main character (not named) is a pro photographer in the 1960's, and he used a camera that is similar to my Canon AE-1P. He was played by David Hemmings, who I previously had not heard of, and was absolutely charming in a cruel and bored sort of way. He wasn't very handsome in the traditional sense, but there was an attractive vexation about him. And, I do love the mod men's fashion, buckle boots, high-water pants, tight clothes and all. Yes, overall he is a bad man who yells viciously at his emaciated models and has no real relationships. Props to Antonioni for making a somewhat likeable anti-hero.

When this film came out in 1966, it garnered a lot of attention for its explicit portrayal of the sex, drugs, and rock and roll era of the 1960's in Britain. A mysterious and striking woman the hero photographs in a public park also show up at his doorstep (played by a stunning Vanessa Redgrave), demands for the negatives, and attempts to seduce him. She sheds her top and wanders about his studio. Before she leaves, she coyly kisses the photographer. They continue kissing passionately. It appears to be a perfectly constructed scene to illustrate cinematic fantasy love, but the two are merely strangers using each other. Later on, two young women arrive begging to model for the photographer and in little time, all strip each other of their clothes in a partly violent, partly playful manner. An implied threesome follows and ends with the joyless protagonist returning to his work. Granted, compared to movies nowadays, these once-racy scenes may seem bland and induce a kind of embarrassment due to their datedness. But what was astonishing to me about these scenes was not how much flesh was revealed, but how Antonioni succeeded in portraying such a raw and emotionless sexuality. The musical score is by Herbie Hancock, but in many scenes, such as the sex scenes, there is no music. The camera does not zoom in on the women, even though they are beautiful. They do not stir up desire in the viewer, but rather, expose the meaningless and repetitive actions of the protagonist and his generation wilting away with ennui.

There were many quirky events in the film, notably a carful of college kids/mimes who drove around town, a Yardbirds concert whose crowd seemed eerily sedated, and the purchase of an old, defunct wooden plane propeller. It was weird without being alienating or pretentious. I have to admit that like a well-trained modern moviegoer, I was expecting.. some sort of plot, but there wasn't really one. More like half of one. In the end, I was left with many questions, but it was OK. I was content with the mystery of this odd film. I look forward to watching his other films, which apparently are also about rich, bored people.

The other film of note I enjoyed lately was The Wrestler. Having not seen other films about wrestling/boxing/ violent and manly sports (because of lack of interest), I was surprisingly engrossed in the story. It was starkly depressing and thankfully, never made the mistake of being maudlin. It took me a while to realize what a complete loser the protagonist was, but even after that, I didn't lose empathy. For someone with a very sensitive stomach, I felt that it was gritty without being obscene. Definitely one of the better new movies I've seen this past year. It's difficult coming to agreement with B on what movies to watch, because I prefer to be more discerning and would rather not watch a mediocre movie, since I have a limited amount of free time and don't like wasting it that way. But he would elect to watch even a bad movie just to get distract from reality for a while. Maybe I'm just more comfortable with facing the facts of life: that it is boring and sad a lot of the times. Ha.

Img source: Time

Friday, January 30, 2009

Food Rant

Regarding one of the financial/ frugal living blogs that I follow, The Simply Dollar, lately I've noticed more posts that are not useful to me. Like today, there is a post on cooking with a crock pot (Because I grew up eating traditional Asian cuisine, I've never used a crock pot. It seems pretty convenient- can anyone share their experience?). He references an older blog post:

Don’t have any idea what to cook? I’d recommend starting off with one of the spice packets sold in the grocery store, usually near the soup mixes. McCormick’s slow cooker packets are quite good for what you pay for, and the recipes usually involve dumping in the packet and four or five ingredients, turning it on low, and walking away for eight or nine hours. If you need to be away longer than that, add a quarter cup of additional water to the mix.

Cheap spice packets? Ew! Assemble your own collection spices- it's not that hard. (OK, I can't verify the exact ingredients online, but will check when I'm at the grocery store.) Later on, the first recipe includes canned cream of chicken soup. Yuck. Talk about unhealthy, not only because it's fattening, but because it's processed. What are we, living in the 1950's?

In another recent post about his well-stocked pantry, he states that a big key is to have a large store of non-perishable items (flour, rice, sugar, baking ingredients, etc.). Though he makes no mention of it because of the limited subject, I sure hope his family eats lots of perishables as well, since those are what contain the various nutrients our bodies need. A diet based on "staples with a long shelf life" is very paltry indeed.

I have to disagree with him on these food posts, because he is clearly eager to trade in healthfulness for frugality, and in my opinion, he has gone too far. It is downright foolish to ignore all the facts warning against eating processed foods, and especially foods containing certain harmful man-made ingredients (HFCS, preseratives, etc.). Sure he may be saving money for his family, but at the expense of health and decreased quality of life. I strongly believe that better and fresher food is worth the extra money, even if you are tight on cash. This is the only body you'll have- take care of it! (And I'm quite sure he's not poor and drowning in debt anymore, so these practices are probably of due to his old habits.)

As I scrolled through his other posts with the label 'food,' I found one on gardening (yes, it's cheaper than buying produce at the grocery). OK, that I can fully support. I know that his blog has a specific purpose (frugality), and that demanding awareness of another topic (healthy eating) is too much to ask, or maybe I'm reading too much into it. Hm, my healthiness radar is super sensitive!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Over the new musics

Though I hadn't ever completely thought it, this post explains why I'm not passionate about discovering new music anymore. These days, it's either all over the blogs or blaring at Urban Outfitters (love/hate relationship moving quickly towards hate).

The joy is gone.

Aimee Mann


I've liked Aimee Mann for a long time. (Way before I saw Magnolia in what, 2004?) She's definitely a mainstream artist, but her popularity among her diverse listeners stands as a testament to her skill. From what I've heard, her songs are consistently good. Catchy, but not too catchy, and a deep sadness and even futility underlies many of them. As she older than most of the artists I listen to, her music is still wonderfully relevant.

Been enjoying her Daytrotter set. (See "Phoenix." Love the organ (?) lines in the background.) Daytrotter is geared towards the hipper indie music genre, so I was quite pleased to see her on there.

Problem.

More choice, less happiness.

I think that's a big problem. It's not that I need to be told what to do, like when I was a child, but that I don't even know how to go about choosing what to do. And, much chagrin over perceived missed opportunities.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I keep a service bell by my bed for you.


The lovely Ed Droste (of Grizzly Bear fame) has a Twitter. I'm tickled. I appreciate how connected he is.

And a new redone song by Grizzly Bear feat. Feist. Beautifully haunting, and all too short. Stream here. (Edit 1/29 - track rotated to Sufjan) Stream HERE

Img source: Exclaim!

another something to put in my full purse

Bought Lego Batman, decision sheerly based on the cuteness of the characters. It's a really easy game, made for kids ("great for tween boys!"), but it's challenging enough for me at this point. You can die an infinite number of times, and when you do, your character just bursts into Lego pieces. Hehe.

Admission: Last night, I bought a Nintendo DS. !!! B is secondarily responsible for this. It took a few weeks, and 3+ trips to Walmart and Best Buy (previously known as Worst Store to be Stuck in Ever). His reasoning was that since I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything in real life, I could set up virtual goals and meet them and then feel a little better about my life. Hmmm.. can't say that I agree with this logic. But in the end, I caved in, as I recently began to realize how much I missed playing the video games of my youth. Last weekend in Dallas, we played hours of Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 on the N64. (Or rather, B did. I got frustrated that my fingers were not as nimble as before for getting the best trick combos.)

And, I think I can safely say that this purchase has helped me get over my snooty condescension for all things nerdy and geeky. For example, B reads Gizmodo so devoutly, and I like to stick my nose up at most of the topics on that site. And he has a group of gamer friends (who I prefer to avoid hangouts with), grown men in their mid-20's who are highly intelligent and banking in their tech jobs, but spend much of their free time playing Warcraft or Guitar Hero. I've always tried to escape the extreme definitions of that label (a big characteristic: adults who play video games, in my opinion), but you know what, if you limit your experiences and activities based on judgments, you may be missing out on some great stuff. So here's to openness to fun. Haha! After all, when you exit adolescence, you are only as cool as you think you are.

Img source: Xboxic

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

while we have the sun

image by lemonfresh

Mirah's pretty tune about our transcient lives this sunless day makes me a bit sad. I really love the 4th stanza- piercing.

Let's take the time to walk together while we have the sun
You never know when temperamental weather's gonna come
And if you want to face the death you're never that far from
Just take a breath and sing to it when all the day is done

So sorry about all the sorrow in your life you'll know
It's true that all the ones you love will someday have to go
And everytime you say goodbye you'll hear the trumpets blow
A serenade to the soul, all surrounded by the glow

If you feel all broken 'cause i left you there too soon
Just know that it's not up to you to make the flowers wilt or bloom
And if you think you're lonely then just listen for the tune
Of all the stars i left for you in the chest of the moon

If you want to shake whatever separates you from
The holiness you want to make your life on earth become
Live your life with a compassion you can be proud of
Then let your last breath fade away with dignity and love

Let's take the time to walk together while we have the sun
You never know when temperamental weather's gonna come
And if you want to face the death you're never that far from
Just take a breath and sing to it when all the day is done

Album

Monday, January 26, 2009

back to culinary roots


This photo reminds me of how cute bunnies are. Especially when they are munching on greens. It's from a food blog I stumbled upon today, writings of a smart, 27-year-old, Asian-American woman fast on her way to a culinary career. I dig her personal musings and also her about page- having recently subscribed to The World's Healthiest Foods newsletter, I have been reading about cruciferous vegetables and their amazing health benefits (see Cabbage). For more than a year now I have secretly lamented that even though I am 100% Chinese and grew up eating Chinese cuisine 95% of the time, I can't make any of the Chinese dishes that I love. A 5 year hiatus of college introduced me to a mostly American, Tex-Mex, Thai and basic Italian diet. And on top of that, I have never really experienced a strong desire to cook and experiment.

It helps that I have B around; he loves cooking and eats more Asian food than I do, using dashi in our noodle bowl broths, praising the tastiness of thousand-year-old eggs, and often suggesting dim sum for after-church luncheons. My appreciation for his openness towards food grows each time I encounter white Americans who are either ignorant of, wary of or disgusted by certain ethnic cuisine. Heck, even I'm picky about certain Chinese foods (like anise, the aforementioned thousand-year-old eggs, pigs blood, some kinds of tripe, to name a few). And I have always been acutely aware of void between the instructions of Chinese immigrants who cook (like my parents) and authentic recipes in English of the dishes they make. Of course I should've assumed that by now the latter exist, thanks to the Internet, and today discovered a couple of well-written food blogs that bridge the culinary gap for 2nd generation Chinese-Americans (or rather, Americans who are Chinese by blood), it is a good time to return to Chinese cooking.

Oh, and happy Chinese New Year! I should mention that eating nian gao, low boh gao, jiu liang tang yuan, and various other dishes in our exceptionally tasty family dinner this weekend (and lunch the next day at Jengchi Bakery, best green onion pancakes) also contributed to this rethinking of what I cook and eat.

Last note, I know it has been 2009 for a while, but recapping all the helpful and kind comments I receive from Flickr members who graciously comment on my halfway-there photos, I resolve to focus more on the quality and not quantity of my consumption. Meaning, I will think about what I have to say, and why, and be specific about my comments on others' art especially. And practice using proper capitalization again; sentences for sure, phrases maybe. A hundred "nice shots" and "prettys" do not amount to one thoughtful and personalized reflection. Somehow this slowing down will also reflect in other areas of my life.

Currently listening to Small Sur. It is introspective, stripped-down, nature-inspired folk music with soft male/female vocals. I wouldn't be opposed to making such music with B and company. Try: Second Chances, Small Stones.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

digerati-to

I'm about to pull my hair out I am SO BORED. Imagine 5 hours of nothing to do at work. I should ask for more to do, but it's all pretty uninteresting anyway. Should I try to get out, even if I don't know where to go? Even in the state of our economy?

In trying to keep sane, I've revisited Edge.org, the website whose contributors are some the smartest people in the western world. Most of time I get overwhelmed with trying to understand the articles, as opposed to actually thinking about the content. Oh yea, and the "indie newsletter" site layout and design is a little distracting as well. Clicking through their About page, I found a list of their official members, each with their own titles, which I thought was pretty cute. I've only heard of a handful of them: Bill Gates, Kevin Kelly, Nathan Myhrvold. How aware should we be of these people and their ideas? Is it OK to be ignorant and only think in the context of the present and not the future? Most of us are trapped in that way of thinking anyway. Makes the world seem more managable at least. Somewhat recommended, if you have any interest in technology and science, or like to give your brain a workout.

out with the old

Beginning the slow conversion to stainless steel and cast iron. Don't want any more of those toxins from the chemically engineered non-stick pans. I bought B a Lodge cast iron griddle for our nine month-aversary. (Forget Le Creuset! The enamel will come off eventually, and real cast iron cookware is cheap and indestructible.) He loves to cook and with all this practice, is definitely better than me by now. Kitchen toys are fun, but I should let him in on it, since the only thing I do now in the kitchen these days is bake. I also painstakingly printed out part of a cast iron recipe book off google reader during work (on Windows, print scr, paste into Paint, cut and copy the page, re-paste into Paint, etc., then paste all into a Word doc), which is to accompany the gift. I have to return the one I got, actually, because the black "seasoning" is chipping off and revealing a rusted interior. Gross. We should probably get an unseasoned one and do it ourselves. It's dorky, but I'm excited that this pan could become a family heirloom for generations.

Img souce: Acemart

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

supercnnctd

Cracking and eating some pumpkin seeds to whittle away the time..

Watched part of the Obama inauguration this morning, half because I wanted to not work, half because it's sorta historic. I'm not an Obama fanatic, even though I did vote for him, and I have a meager interest and knowledge in US politics/ government. I know it's important, but my mind gets hazy after reading or hearing too much about it. Since when did being informed citizens take so much work? Transparency about how things really are, what politicians really do seems impossible. Anyway, his speech was excellent. He made us sound... humble. Definitely a new step in defining America's identity, post-Bush. It left me wondering just how much he could lead the nation to accomplish during his presidency. I would really like to be proud of my country again.

In my recent craze to become a financial wizard, I sure am glad I procrastinated (or am still procrastinating) on converting my traditional IRA to a Roth IRA. Due to the state of the economy, if you have a Roth IRA, despite significant losses, you will be taxed on your "pre-loss" balance. Ouch. Though, seems like you can profit from this...? I don't like jumping through hoops for money.

Last weekend, I purchased a new old camera! The Canon AE-1 Program. I had previously been floored by the quality of these photos produced by the Canon A-1, and since then, have been researching the different models and running the occasional eBay search. I prefer to keep transactions local and found a craigslist post selling said camera. I don't know much about thoroughly checking the condition of an old camera before buying, but lucky for me, the amiable seller agreed to take it to Precision to get an estimate of repairs. Everything was in fine condition, and it only needed its light seals replaced, which is pretty standard for a 30 year old camera, so I completed the transaction. Can't wait to take it out on a test run, especially since my 50mm lens is still being borrowed by my pastor... The only thing I am wary about is the manual focus lens. I'm so used to autofocus that I'll have to work more efficiently and think ahead before taking the shot. Hope it's worth it.. The other thing I love is the sweet sound of the mechanical shutter (no Canon squeak!). So satisfying! Also, I thought I wanted to get a nice, thick, vintage strap just like this, but the woven hippie strap it came with seems to fit the piece. And if all goes as planned, I'll have a new Domke F-3X sand color bag to carry it around in at the end of the week..

It's easy to get caught up in accumulating the "right" gear and forget the art you are making. I am not sure towards what direction I want my photography to go. I don't think about it much, except that I try to steer clear of what has already been established. Or even what is soon to be established. I'm not interested in creating a perfectly exposed photo.. or an artsy-fartsy/light-leaky/fuzzy/badly exposed photo. Or even super hip photos like this, or this. Point is, I know what I'd like to avoid copying. So much has been done already that I can't have anything but a humble attitude towards my output, and hope that somebody will like it. In fact, most of my photos which I deem ordinary other people on Flickr seem to appreciate. I know I'll never be great (due to lack of passion?), but I think that as long as I try to look at the world differently and find some meaning in what I capture, it will be worthwhile.

Whew, those last two paragraph were long and boring. Sorry for the readers who have no interest in photography or rather, no interest in my specific photographic interests, hah.

Regarding being in the know: I'm generally not a big fan of media overconsumption anymore. What's the point? I have used it to avoid asking myself important questions before. So now, as I am timidly revisiting those questions that will not disappear, I am also laying off the design/music/culture/fashion blogs, the news sites, google reader, the millions of interesting looking links. A hiatus, for now, but I believe that a quiet, uncluttered life is more ideal. Coupled with a life passions and goals, of course, including serving others. It's definitely hard to accomplish that simplicity in this age, where connectedness fuels efficiency, and so many distractions compete for our attention. Skimmed (when do people really read? It's exceedingly difficult for me to really read anything online) this article today about a woman around my age whose lifestyle (and existence!?) relies on social networking. I'm not behind the times, but the way she relies on these tools astounds me. What a product of this age. I do admit that I am somewhat jealous at all her traveling, but she definitely works to get what she wants. I don't think I can be this type of super-connected person, which may be to the detriment of my future career. It isn't smart anymore to believe that if you only work hard doing what you are told to do, it will eventually pay off. As much as I wish I were a Big Thinker, I am not. I was raised to follow. Wondering if I should look to enter a trade, in a smaller sphere that is easier to understand and operate..

Speaking of being a natural-born follower, what do I do when everything I was taught is in question? I was also taught to distrust my own conclusions about things.. that there is a Truth about everything outside myself. Finding that all my answers are merely regurgitated dated teachings, where is there to look? Who can I trust for wisdom? It's hard swallowing the fact that your nurturing parents may be wrong about some things. Or everything? (I admit, much of this is a rephrasing of what my boyfriend said to me during a heated and revealing discussion. It ended poorly. But that's how much it rattled me.) Just trying to get a grip and keep the daily routine without falling asleep again.

Friday, January 16, 2009

meditation

Jesus, help me find my proper place
Jesus, help me find my proper place
Help me in my weakness
'Cos I'm falling out of grace

Jesus
Jesus

----
I find that I have extremely high standards for someone who isn't Ms. Fantastic herself. Oops.
And that I'm pretty lazy and have little patience for tinkering with old technology. Am checking out a Canon AE-1 Program tomorrow from a Craigslist buyer (prefer the all-black A-1 for looks, but that is only on eBay). I like the look of shots taken with old cameras, and this late 70's clunker has a Program (Auto) mode! Revolutionary for its time. Dunno how I'll like manual focus though. Using old cameras is such a labor of love. Too much love for things? I'm loving the military/rugged/understated look of the legendary Domke camera bags. It's almost enough to make me get the gear to fill it up. Trying not to become a gearhead and start out modest..


Edit 1/26/09: I got the Domke F-3x (in sand)! I made an offer to an Ebay seller after I saw the item location was Dallas, TX. Picked it up on the way back home this weekend. It fits my 3 camera bodies and 1 accessory or 2 camera bodies and a few accessories. The canvas and construction is solid. Love it! I look forward to carrying it around at all times (maybe make it my new purse?). : p

Thursday, January 15, 2009

it's a thursday

I wonder how many people actually read this blog. 3? I find my posts becoming increasingly personal, but it's probably unwise to open myself up on the interweb. But every so often, I stumble upon a personal blog that I find amusing and enlightening. (Dunno if mine will be perceived that way to strangers..) A recent example of this is this blog that I've been perusing for the past few days. It's by an ex-arts pastor living in Austin. I first found it by googling 'Toddy Burton', and kept reading because it reminded me so much of the college faith community I was a part of just a few years ago. It's nice to know that there are creative Christians out there who can dialogue intelligently. Beyond the musings on faith and culture, good art, and mention of Andy Crouch, I felt a groundedness (or maybe engagedness) that is missing in my own life. Not that I wanna be all into the new hip culture of Christianity (see comments).. Maybe for me there is an attractiveness about artists who aren't crazy and directionless. Their lives intrigue me. I think that I've always been drawn towards people who are doing something confidently and going somewhere, but now it's high time become one of those people.

As a relative newbie, I'm still on the fringe of my current church community. I don't know most of the people there (college kids, er) and am not invited to every single hangout with the pastor. I've been hanging out at some church families's houses in the evenings lately, chatting, playing with cameras, baking or crocheting, yet I still am an hour late to services (terrible, I know).
But I am also all too familiar with what it feels like to be near the center- comfortable and at rest. Real complacent. Neither are ideal.. where is the place to be? Right now I sorta miss being in the core, and this forces me to consider how I want my current role to unfold. I don't know. And having a somewhat anti-social, completely anti-community boyfriend doesn't help, ha.

No artsy, unrelated photo at the top of the post today. Pictures don't say many words at all

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

so many days


Above photo: B's house. No central AC or heating. It hasn't been pleasant hanging out there in the evenings, even with this mild Texas winter.. I should tell myself it's like camping! Something I've been meaning to do anyway in one of the nearby state parks (McKinney State Falls, maybe?). Gear is so expensive though. Gotta escape that city life and practice some Wordsworth!

I took that photo and 19 other polaroids last weekend. I never really liked polaroids, because image quality is low, exposures are expensive (well now they're around $2 a shot), and it became way too hipstery. To me, photographic artistry went out the window, every crudely composed polaroid assumed instant charm. This photographer's essay on Lomography partly encapsulates my feeling. "[It] be­came a syn­onym for bad pic­tures, for see­ing things that aren't there, for la­bel­ing ev­ery­thing art." But after seeing the magic of the SX-70 (and a 10-pack of polaroid film at Walgreens), I felt like paying tribute to this highly influential format. The results were satisfactory, but I think I'll stick with my 35mm film and slr with manual settings.

Funny thing, I think about my life so much at work. Because I am very underutilized and too lazy to do anything about it now. An object at rest tends to stay at rest. So, here's the thing. I'm doing all the right sustainable things in my life, like cutting out high fructose corn syrup, throwing away my teflon pans, turning down the thermostat, not using disposable dishware.. But overall? Mostly clueless, and skeptical of what I used to know (the "Christian" life. Need new "eyes." So much makes me shudder). I'm tempted to drop everything again, and start anew, but it was hard picking anything back up. Where is my passion? I've been baking more these days, and I love bringing people fresh baked goods, but that is only an interest. I've been trying to read more, and while the books are interesting, they don't really stick. Is it because I haven't really lived? There is nothing here worth pouring my full self into..

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

vhs club


Started watching old vhs movies at Evan's cabin-loft this week, since all he has is a tiny tv with a built-in vhs player. The Jerk and Klute. Hadn't heard of either of them, but my knowledge of cinema is pretty sparse anyway. Both surprisingly offbeat. It's refreshing feeling no pressure to watch hyped up old films and just picking them out leisurely at I Heart Video. It used to be that way, before movie critics and their reviews biased our opinions and told us what to watch. Out of anticipation, I started a list of next movies to watch (classics such as The Maltese Falcon, F for Fake, The Elephant Man), but that also takes away from it, doesn't it, when a plan becomes too formalized? I struggle with anxiety over checking all the boxes on an imaginary life/culture to-do list, which also includes watching "good" movies. Why? Just a small way to control and order the world. So I'll save myself the grief and try not to monitor my social consumption so much. Let it unfold organically (?). Memories always seem to be fond anyway.

Img source: Film Reference

Monday, January 05, 2009

ride on riders

I find this photo intriguing. The grandpa is an Italian frame builder. Look at how beefy the son is. The father isn't skinny either. Yet they ride road bikes and are rockin' those jerseys. It's nice.

Website

Thursday, December 11, 2008

tagged.


OK today I will respond to this being tagged by Rachel that asks me to share 7 random facts about myself. Not sure how 'random' these will be, since I'm not really that exciting, in my opinion. Mostly keep to myself.

1. I have the same birthday as my brother, who is 5 years younger than I.
2. I have a psychological disgust for most cheese, unless it is melted, white and not the main ingredient in a dish.
3. I am afraid that I will get tired of everything.
4. I don't like taking pictures of people.
5. My mind is empty most of the time (but I'm trying to amend that).
6. I've been to the island of Macao.
7. I used to lead youth group worship team at my church in Plano.

Monday, December 08, 2008

caring is creepy


We're standing
We're standing
You call that gone?
I'm standing on the firmest ground ever invented
Firm ground I invented

Do you remember the one who took 'Place in the Sun' from you?
I know you do
He had a heart of tin
And this amazing desire!
The face of a sphinx that smiled

Out on the wall
A hand had begun writing
Everybody understood
That it didn't mean a thing

Did you fall in love with someone?
Did you "give up on that" for some strange sun?
Weren't you the one...
Fall back in love with someone?

Did you fall in line for someone?
Back down the same road that you came here from
Weren't you the one
That told me not to
Move around but never through?
That's the only thing we ever do

source: Nick Hance Flickr

Thursday, December 04, 2008

this poem used to be on erin's wall


Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language.
Do not now look for the answers.
They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them.
It is a question of experiencing everything.
At present you need to live the question.
Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day.

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

"what do i want? a best friend i'm in love with"

this song makes me realize how romantic the idea of a person can seem when you're alone. plus it's so twee, which makes it all the more melancholy.

i'm not alone.. and it's pretty fun most of the time. i have to think about it more to appreciate what i have, but i'm working on that. and manage myself the times i am being driven crazy. or am doing the driving. haha.

i used to think i was a good and patient person.. not anymore. can't fool myself anymore. last year's events twisted me and turned me the opposite, sad to say. i became unbending because i bent too much. messed up. anyway, i guess i am only starting now to learn about love. i don't understand how to receive it, even after all these years. and how to give it? clueless and bumbling. what does it mean to have it? geez i really do hope i grow up soon, for the sake of everyone around me. sometimes i see things how they really are and am shocked at how b even puts up with me so much. unbelievable!

Friday, November 21, 2008

pj o'rourke: funny name, funny man.

A hat should be taken off when you greet a lady and left off for the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.

Earnestness is stupidity sent to college.

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

Never wear anything that panics the cat.

The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.

There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

fuji natura classica


oh my, is this the camera of my dreams?
never use flash again?? 24mm f1.9 lens on a full frame sensor?? sexy looks? drooolz. i'm listening now.
except that it's hundos of dollahs. silly.
but apparently the olympus xa (gid's new film camera toy) does the same thing and sells for about 1/10 the price. hm. butsip i'm not really into manual focus because i am lazy. and take shots of things that move most of the time.
i happen to be looking into lomos again, except that i hate the crappy build factor, am not really into oversaturation, but am looking for a little more spice. and that's how i found the fuji natura - albeit, in the high-end section.
official site.
oh film! it's starting to add up real quick, but i'm not looking at the numbers yet.. just lovin' the look of film and turning away from mediocre digital pictures. not sure how long this hobby will last, but it's nice that i'm not completely failing.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

american book


"The most alarming sign of the state of our society now is that our leaders have the courage to sacrifice the lives of young people in war but have not the courage to tell us that we must be less greedy and wasteful."
-Wendell Barry
(spoken a while back, probably)

this came from a childrens' book, which looks pretty cool, especially the drawings. good ideas too. well at least our leaders are starting to talk about wastefulness these days.

Nate Duval


website

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

history


poster by iso50
change, progress, yes we can, blah blah. we made history!! now if only obama picked a minority instead of an old white guy as his running mate..

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

this happens to me too often

i asked for scrambled
by luke chueh

choco of choice

ritter sport.
hersheys nevermore!!

Fjällräven




what's better than north american outdoor gear? scandinavian outdoor gear! so classic it could pass as streetwear. what an adorable logo too. from another website:

Classic Swedish outdoor garments that lasts. I love their stuff because of the function and durability and classics like the Kanken day pack (that hasn't changed for the last 30 years) or the Greenland Jacket that is so out of fashion that it's forever hip. Gotta love Fjällräven!

montbell is an outdoor gear company out of japan. looks pretty similar to our manufacturers here, except more plain and less reeking of corporate (is that a real clause?). i went to a montbell store in japan and it was like a nicer and more down to earth REI. you got the feel that it was less about the brand and more about the activity, as all pursuits should be. i shall be forever detangling the two realms.

Monday, November 03, 2008

correct way to enjoy bronze statue

browsing through the seriouscompacts.com flickr page, i came upon this subtlely wonderful set. no frills, not a professional photographer, just his cutely serious kids and nice vignetting. inspiring!